Monday, August 01, 2005

Comments

Regarding some of the comments which have been posted in the last few days I must say I didn't realize how bitter some people are towards me (I guess it is the old arrogance). I cannot change these feelings I can only deal with myself. I am taking the steps necessary to help myself by venturing into this forum, being an active member of Gamblers Anonymous, and attending therapy with a psychologist. Obviously some people think my true self is that of a liar, cheater and someone who steals. Again, I cannot control these thoughts I can only do things to help myself. If these people think I am doing this to gain publicity and to be arrogant I am a truly sorry because this is not my intention. My intention is to help myself and my family so I can live a full and purposeful life. I am a much better person today than I was five months ago because of the strides I have made to find myself. People will believe what they want to believe and I cannot change this I can only change myself. I wish all my detractors the best and hope they find themselves in this journey we call life.

As I sat with my son and read him a bed time story; I could not help but to be reflective. My son is four years old and what I have done to him and the rest of my family might indeed alter his life. I am making the strides necessary to ensure his future is secure along with the rest of my family. I am truly sorry for my behavior which has caused this alteration of life but it has happened for a reason. I was on a path of self destruction and I finally derailed before totally self destructing which I am very thankful. Life is a journey not a destination; things happen to everyone. Some of these things are good and some are bad it is how we deal with the bad moments which determine our ultimate destiny. If I were to sit back in a corner and say woe is me look what I have done; what good is this? It is no good. Negative thoughts and negative people will not detract me from finding my true self. I will live life as a kind, caring, compassionate, honest, humble and giving person one day at a time.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have come to know Paul over the past few months, and think he is one of the most sincere, genuine persons I have met. My son is a compulsive gambler and Paul has reached out and helped him and myself many, many times. Paul is one of the reasons my son is on the road to recovery. I can not thank him enough. Keep your head up, Paul, and stay positive!

Anonymous said...

You are a very fortunate person to know who Paul really is! He cares very deeply for others, and has helped me when I have been at my lowest. He always manages to bring me back to where I should be!!! I am so very happy for you that your son is recovering!