Special Sunday

Tonight I had the honor and privilege of chairing a very special 2 year birthday celebration. The person celebrating two years in the Gamblers Anonymous Program is a very special friend. The meeting also marked our new location for the Sunday Evening Meeting and people came from great distances to celebrate this milestone. It may not seem like a big deal to some people but the Gamblers Anonymous Program has saved my life and so many other people before me. The person celebrating their birthday tonight has been a huge part of my recovery and I am blessed to call this person friend.

The GA Program has been a fantastic Program for me and being able to chair a special celebration meant a great deal to me. When we celebrate birthdays in the GA Program family members are more than welcome and we had our share of family members attend the meeting this evening. I was fortunate enough to have my wife and children attend.

I need to tell a quick story about my son and this evening's meeting. My daughter and son attended the meeting but they being only 8 and 5 years of age it really is difficult to hold their attention for an hour and half especially my son. I brought the portable DVD player and set-up my daughter and son with a movie. My daughter who is an angel watched the entire movie and ate her pizza. My son was able to be entertained with the movie for about an hour but he soon became bored. He found his way into the meeting and sort of likes being the center of attention.

He came over to me and my wife several times and my wife tried to control (for lack of a better word) him but he was able to act like a five year old. There was one point in the meeting where there was some singing (see you never know what is going to happen at a GA meeting!!) and I could see my son mimicking the person singing. He didn't mean to be disrespectful because he is only five but he was having a good old time. I could see there wasn't something quite right with my daughter when my son was doing his act but I really didn't think much of it. After the meeting my daughter came up to me and ask me if I saw Jonathan (her brother) when the person was doing their singing? I said yes and then she said; "I tried to stop him but he didn't listen, so I decided to hide in the corner because I was so EMBARRASSED by him".

The way in which my daughter told me this statement was so precious in and of itself. She was mortified by her brother's actions and didn't want to be associated with him so she decided to hide in the corner. She later went on to ask me; "what are we going to do him?" I told her I didn't really know and hopefully he will grow out of this phase because he is a boy and a five year old boy at that. The amazing thing to me is that my daughter all of 8 years of age has taken it upon herself to be the mother hen and really is quite cute.

I don't know when it happened but my daughter has matured so very much in this past year and I am so happy to have experienced her growth. She is a great kid with a great heart and even if she doesn't think so she loves her brother dearly. I had the great pleasure this afternoon of watching the two of them interact and it was great to see how well they DO get along. These moments maybe brief but there is so much sisterly and brotherly love I am truly blessed by these children.

Life has given me a second chance to cherish these opportunities and I am trying my best to NOT miss these opportunities. I am so very grateful to have been given this second chance and really enjoy my children. One year ago I wouldn't have thought it possible to have this opportunity but I am so very grateful for life is truly beautiful. In my life there is so much beauty and on this very special Sunday I had the distinct pleasure of sharing my recovery with some very special friends in GA and my truly remarkable family.

Compulsive Gambler True Story One Year Later

One year ago today I started this blog and some 332 posts later my life has gotten so much better. One year ago I posted the story below about me the compulsive gambler and I wanted to up date the story. I am still a compulsive gambler but now I am compulsive gambler in recovery and my compulsive gambling has been arrested for the past 405 days. Here is the story from one year ago and below I will up date the story;

Friday, April 08, 2005

Compulsive Gambler True Story

My name is Paul and I am compulsive gambler, it has been 40 days since my last bet. Forty days ago I didn't realize I was a compulsive gambler; however; when I was confronted by my employer for embezzling it finally "hit" me that I am and will always be a compulsive gambler. I am currently attending and will attend (for as long as I am "legally" allowed) Gamblers Anonymous meetings. I have lost a great career (incidentally in the Gaming business), I am in the process of losing everything that I have worked for with the exception of my wife and two children. My father hasn't spoken to me since this all occurred and my older sister will do anything to help my wife and children but she wants nothing to do with me and I can not blame her.

My wife, mother, step father, younger sister, mother-in-law and some very special friends have showed tremendous support and without this support I am not sure what I would have done. I have spent five days in jail and I am looking at some serious issues in my future. I cannot change the past and I cannot predict what will happen in the future I can only take things one day at a time.

If someone told me 27 years ago when I made my first wager that when you are 39 years old you will lose everything and be in place where there are no freedoms. I would have told them that they were crazy because I am an intelligent person and I can "control" my gambling. The fact of the matter is the gambling took over my life and ruined it and ruined the lives of my family. It is an insidious addiction, you do things that no rational person would do. You don't think of the consequences and I am here to tell anyone that will listen that there are serious consequences for all of my horrible actions.

I threw away a great life so I could always be in "action". Having worked in the Gaming Industry for 13 years I wouldn't dare go near a slot machine or a table game. My game of choice was sports betting because I knew (or I thought I knew) that sports betting had the lowest house percentage so I stood a chance to win. However; winning and losing became superfluous it only mattered whether I had action. Of course I lost a great deal more than I won so I had to fuel the addiction with money and addicts will do anything to get their fix and I did anything and everything to perpetuate my fantasy life. This all came to an end 40 days ago.

I have no desire to make a wager but I do understand that this is a disease and it will be with me all of my life. Gamblers Anonymous has helped a great deal and having a sponsor that went through a similar situation 14 years ago also helps. Right now there is a tunnel ahead and it is very dark but with the Grace of God, my family and my friends I will get through this. I keep thinking of my 7 year old daughter and 4 year old son and I want to see them grow up because I love them more than anything in the world.

April 8, 2006

My name is Paul and I am a grateful compulsive gambler in recovery. I have arrested my compulsive gambling illness for the past 405 days and I thank the Gamblers Anonymous Program for saving my life. Over the past 405 days I have gone to so many GA meetings and have met so many wonderful inspirational people that my life is forever changed for the better.

Yes, I have lost my house, my savings and my career but I haven't lost my family. My wife of 13 1/2 years is my Saint and I thank God each and every day she has stayed with me. I know it has not been easy and the future will not be easy as well but I do know we are so much stronger as a couple than we have ever been in our entire marriage. My wife has been a member of Gam-Anon (for those affected by the compulsive gambler) for the past year and I know her start in this Program was not the best. However; she is an inspiration to me and others when she shares her experience, strength and hope. My wife is a phenomenal person and I love her so very much.

My daughter Lauren (8 years old) and my son Jonathan (5 years old) are extraordinary children. Over the last year I have finally been mentally there for both of them and I want to thank three very special people for granting me the opportunity to be a part of my children's lives. First my younger sister; you are an amazing woman; you do not judge and you do love unconditionally. Second; two very close friends; thank you so very much for being there for me and my family and thank you for seeing the real me. Third; my dear friend who is now on the East Coast; thank you for affording me the opportunity to prove myself in this past year. I know the two of us had similar interests and I know we don't talk as much as we used to but I thank you for all of the support over this past year.

As I stated one year ago, my wife, mother, step father, younger sister, mother-in-law and some very special friends have showed tremendous support and continue to show tremendous support. I would like to add all of my family to this list. I know I got off to a rocky start with my older sister but our relationship has been the best it has been in my lifetime and I thank her and her family for all of the support over this past year. Also; my sister-in-law and brother-in-law for all of their support for not only me but my wife and children. These are remarkable people and I am blessed to have them in my life.

I know my father had a very difficult time with what I had done and it really has been a struggle. Afterall; no father wants their son to be a felon. However; I do know my father has tried his best to understand what I have done by faithfully attending Gam-Anon and I know this outstanding Program has strengthened our relationship. I am happy to report my Dad and I talk much more now than in the past and our relationship continues to move forward in the right direction.

Through the GA Program I have made some wonderful friends. Even though our backgrounds are very different we all share the same affliction; our life was controlled by gambling but now we are seeking a solution to our gambling problem. These are tremendous people who I have gotten to know so very well over the past year and I am so blessed to call each one friend.

I still have no desire to make a wager and I thank the principles of the Gamblers Anonymous Program for arresting this desire. I can see a shining beacon through that dark tunnel I wrote of one year ago. I do know that no matter what sentence the Judge decides in a few weeks that everything will work out for the best because I have finally done something about my compulsive gambling addiction and will continue this for my lifetime. I am so thankful for finding a solution to my compulsive gambling addiction and I do know this addiction is a lifetime affliction. However; this lifetime affliction can be arrested with a very simple Program that must be followed one day at a time.

Lady in England

I came across this story earlier today and wanted to post it in its entirety. The dollar amounts are in pounds which converts to $1.74 for every one pound so the amounts are almost double in United States Dollars. What is very impressive about this story is the quote from the judge; "Your gambling, on the scale it was, and with an incomprehensible disregard for the consequences, was in practical terms a disease." While this quote is impressive from the judge he also makes an error in stating "You are under house arrest for the next two years to ensure your disease can be cured,"

I have learned in Gamblers Anonymous that my disease of compulsive gambling cannot be cured it can only be arrested as long as I abstain from gambling and work the principles I have learned in the GA Program each and everyday of my life. This judge is certainly on the right path sentencing this lady to treatment as opposed to just punishing her and hopefully while attending the GA Program she will understand her disease much better and apply those principles in her daily affairs so she can live a positive productive life. Here is the story;

Web gambling addict stole £½m from bank

ACCOUNTS clerk Sharna Baker, from Goffs Oak, has avoided being jailed despite taking almost £½m from the Japanese bank where she worked to spend on her addiction to internet betting.

The Old Bailey heard how Baker, of Myles Court, blew £90,000 of her own money gambling on sports events before she began taking money from UFJ International - a subsidiary of the Mitsubishi corporation - in the City of London.

The £32,000 accounts payment officer had been given a password by senior bosses which allowed her to funnel money into five separate accounts she had set up.

Managers only discovered what was happening when Baker, who is now five months' pregnant, was made redundant.

She wept in the dock as the court heard that when the money was in her account, Baker would immediately make wagers of up to £10,000 on horse races and football matches.

But Judge Peter Beaumont allowed her to walk free with a suspended sentence telling her she had been a victim "of a disease".

Prosecutor John Elliott told the court that a month after her redundancy, the bank contacted Baker and she admitted taking £30,000. "In fact, she had stolen £460, 940.77," said Mr Elliott.

The money had been taken over five months in 127 transactions. She admitted nine specimen charges of obtaining money transfers by deception.

Julian Goose, defending, said Baker sold her flat, spent her savings and took out a £24,000 loan and ran up a £30,000 credit bill to pay for her gambling before she started taking money from the bank.

"She became quickly hooked. She didn't know how much she was spending. It was out of control. "This was not greed to improve her life, but an addiction to gambling," he said.

The judge said: "Your gambling, on the scale it was, and with an incomprehensible disregard for the consequences, was in practical terms a disease."

He passed a 51-week jail sentence suspended for two years, during which she will be electronically tagged and have to attend Gamblers Anonymous.

"You are under house arrest for the next two years to ensure your disease can be cured," the judge added.

Complex Addiction

I had a few conversations today regarding the addiction of compulsive gambling and it really is a complex addiction. It is complex yet fairly simply or is it really a paradox. A paradox is a contradiction in terms. Compulsive gambling for the compulsive gambler is quite simple; I can define it for myself as something all consuming and when in the act of this all consuming nothing on the outside world matters. I didn't think of the consequences, how it affected my family, how it affected me and how it affected my friends and co-workers. I just continued the behavior to the bitter end. This may not sound simple but it was an all consuming thought and it has been rather difficult to turn-off over the past 20 plus years.

In the past 13 months I have gotten a great start at turning off this behavior by adhering to the principles of the Gamblers Anonymous Program. I know it has taken me 20 plus years to get to this point in my life but I am truly grateful for the opportunity to turn my life around. I have a long way to go because I am only 40 years of age and have a whole lifetime ahead me. Some of those consequences I didn't realize when I was gambling are coming up rather quickly but I know I will get through those consequences and continue to be a better person each and every day.

Compulsive gambling for the person affected by the compulsive gambler is complex. The devastation the compulsive gambler puts on his or her family or in my case my family is enormous. Take my wife for instance; here is a wonderful lady that would never hurt anyone and always looks at the bright side of things. Over thirteen months ago I gave her the news that our life together wasn't what it seemed. In one thunderous day I wiped out her seemingly perfect day.

It is horrible what I have done to my wife and children but I have a new lease on life and have been doing everything in my power and with my Higher Power guiding me for the past 13 months to rectify this situation. I know I have a lifetime to go and my children are going to grow up in something I had not planned for which is me not being around for a period of time but we will get through this troubled time. All of this was caused by my inability to get help for my compulsive gambling addiction. I cannot change the past and I must concentrate on today which is why I must adhere to the GA Program each and everyday because life does get better.

What does a family member do when they know they have someone who is a compulsive gambler as a loved one but the loved one REFUSES to get help for their addiction? This is a very tough question and makes this addiction even more complex. As the GA Program states the Gamblers Anonymous Program will NEVER work for the person who will NOT face squarely the facts about the illness. There are two key words in that previous sentence; NEVER and NOT. The compulsive gambler MUST be willing to accept the fact that he or she is in a grip of a PROGRESSIVE illness and has a desire to get help. This disease if left unchecked will NEVER get better only worse but no one other than the compulsive gambler can make this decision to get help.

Getting help for a compulsive gambler seems to be very difficult for a number of reasons and one is ego. I know for myself I thought I could control my gambling but I only fooled myself into a lost job, handcuffs and prisons. This is no way to spend life. I had to humble myself to finally admit I am and will always be a compulsive gambler. This is one of the best decisions I have ever made because it has helped saved my life. However; I can recount my story to whoever wants to listen and hopefully it will reach that one person who says maybe I need help with my compulsive gambling addiction. I cannot get into someone else's brain and I cannot force anyone into treatment. I can only share my experience with them and hope it resonates within.

I am willing to speak to anyone at anytime about this insidious addiction because life is not meant to be lived in a casino, racetrack, on the internet, or where ever the dance of gambling takes someone. Life is meant to be lived with a positive person in a caring loving manner with a Higher Power guiding each move. The lure of gambling is the big win but for the compulsive gambler there is never a big enough win to satisfy. What is enough for a compulsive gambler? Well, for me nothing was ever enough when I was gambling. Now enough for me is to NOT gamble today and it has been 402 days since my last wager and life has gotten better.

Step Six

Before getting into Step Six of the Gamblers Anonymous Recovery Program I would like to add something to yesterday's post regarding my last Intergroup meeting. The best thing about going to Intergroup is the hour drive down and the hour drive back. I get to spend two solid hours with friends in the Program. Although we couldn't be more different in our backgrounds, our age range and even our gambling types we are so similar because gambling took over our lives and controlled us, now we are trying to get our lives back by working the Gamblers Anonymous Program to the best of our ability. I am so blessed to have these wonderful friends in my life.

If someone told me I would be driving an hour south to attend a "business" meeting for Gamblers Anonymous with three perfect strangers over one year ago and I would love it. I would have told that person they are crazy but the truth of the matter is the hour ride down and hour ride back is the fastest time I have ever spent in a car because the conversation is fascinating. I learn more about myself and others in this little time because I not only hear what everyone says I listen and take it all in.

Which brings me to another point; tonight was our Wednesday Evening Gamblers Anonymous Speaker's Meeting. These meetings are incredible because it gives one person 30 minutes to share their experience, strength and hope in their personal battle to recover from the addiction of compulsive gambling. Each one of the speakers have been incredible and I have taken away something from each person. Tonight was no exception because even though the person speaking is someone I consider a very good friend the words that were used hit right home with me.

There was no blame, there were no excuses it was just a realization that this person is and will always be a compulsive gambler just like myself. It is an acceptance of the illness and this person has arrested their illness with such dignity and elegance. I am so blessed to call this person a friend. The amazing thing about these speakers meetings is everyone is so different but we are all the same which is we are all human and humans make mistakes. It is how we atone for these mistakes that sets the course for our life and tonight's speaker is a role model for the Program and I look forward to continue to learn from this person. I am so very happy we have implemented these meetings because it is another integral part of my learning and recovery process.

Now on to Step Six of the Gamblers Anonymous Recovery Program; Were entirely ready to have these defects of character removed. If I go back to Step Four I took my moral and financial inventory. I gathered these defects together and as a refresher these defects were; selfishness, false pride (ego), laziness, lying, cheating, stealing and self-deception. I know my compulsion to gamble has led to serious defects of character which will be difficult to break. I recognize temptations lie ahead. It is one thing to recognize my wrongs of the past, but it is another matter to prepare to leave them behind for good. I must be ready to do the hard work of change.

In this Step I must be ready to have these defects of character removed. It is a Step that sees the present and the future rather than looking at the past. I have gathered these defects over the course of my lifetime and I won't be rid of them overnight. It is a gradual process and I must be aware of these defects each and everyday. In this Step I am asked to be ready to have these defects removed. It is a step process I will actually rid myself of these defects in the next step; Step Seven.

I am being made aware of the seriousness of my defects and what destruction lies ahead if I do not recognize them. I certainly don't want to ever repeat my mistakes of the past which is why I must look at the present. I also must be constantly aware of these defects or all of this diligent effort is for nothing. I am constantly looking at myself to ensure these defects do not rear their ugly head. When I was gambling all I cared about was the next bet and little else. Caring about the next lead me to lying, cheating, stealing and other horrible behaviors.

Not worrying about the next bet and looking deep down into myself at these defects leads me to positive behaviors; honesty, humility and optimism. I like having these types of personality traits in my life and I will constantly work this Step each and every day so I do not go back to that horrible behavior. Life has renewed itself and it is due to my Higher Power, my family, my friends and the Gamblers Anonymous Program. I have been blessed with a second chance and I will do everything in my power and with my Higher Power guiding me I know I will succeed.

The Last First Tuesday

I have written about this a few times before but tonight will be my last first Tuesday of the month Gamblers Anonymous Intergroup Meeting. Even though my secretarialship term expired in January of this year I have maintained my Intergroup representative status. I have volunteered my time for another Secretary who leads the Tuesday night group. It works out well because I get to be in the company of some great people who are in recovery from this horrible addiction and the Secretary for the Tuesday meeting gets to lead the meeting. It is a win-win situation for everyone.

Even though this is a "business" meeting of GA I do enjoy the fellowship. A huge part of the Program for me is the fellowship because it has helped me and continues to help me in my recovery. These are great people who volunteer their time to give back to the Program so they can share their experience, strength and hope. I am honored to be in their company.

Sometimes these meetings can get long and even sometimes a bit boring but it is the fellowship that keeps bringing me back. I will miss these meetings because they have given me strength and hope. I am still working on the experience part because having only 13 months in the Program makes me a virtual rookie in the area of recovery. I do love to learn from some of these people who demonstrate quality abstinence.

Recovering from a compulsive gambling addiction for me is a life long process and I have learned so very much about myself in these past thirteen months it really has amazed me. I do know this learning process MUST last a life time or I am destined to make the mistakes of my past. I have no intention of ever making those mistakes but do I know I MUST be diligent each and every day because I don't want to have the feeling of being "cured" to ever make me complacent. I became complacent when I was 19 years old one year after my first warning of my compulsive gambling addiction and again when I was 29 years old one year after my second warning but went back to my old ways in the years to come. I pray to my Higher Power that I am given enough strength to ward off these feeling of complacency because no good can come of being complacent.

The people who attend the First Tuesday Intergroup Meeting of Gamblers Anonymous have hundreds of years of recovery and are NOT complacent because they are diligent about their recovery. I must stay diligent and I must learn from these remarkable people which is why I am so very blessed to attend a meeting that has helped get my life back together and most importantly save my life.

Human Needs

The children are on their Spring Break which started today. This means they are off from school for the next two weeks. In years gone by my wife would either take the children back East to visit family or someone would come out to visit. This year is a bit different as my wife is not taking the children back East nor is anyone coming to visit during these next two weeks. My extraordinary family saved the visit for the week after Spring Break so they could join me and my family for my sentencing.

These next two weeks will be sent with my children and I will enjoy every moment of it. Today I took both my son and daughter to the park where we played baseball and soccer. I must say my son is a little athlete. He definitely takes after my wife's side of the family because no one including me on my side of the family is remotely close to an athlete of any type. As I pitched to my son he connected on many more than he missed and when he connected he hit the ball fairly far for a five year old. If he continues on this path he is going to be quite the little athlete.

My daughter on the other hand is a good athlete but doesn't posses the physical skills of her brother. My daughter is petite where my son is solid. My daughter; however; is EXTREMELY competitive especially when it comes to her little brother. She did not like the fact of her little brother connecting on more pitches than she. My daughter has more of a competitive streak in her than my son. I am not sure if this is good or bad only time will tell how she uses this competitiveness. It was a great afternoon spending quality time with my children. Life goes too fast so I better enjoy every moment which I fully intend to.

As I read the "A Day at a Time" reflection book from the Gamblers Anonymous Program I came across a passage from last week. The passage was about human needs. Dr. Robert Custer the pioneer in the treatment of compulsive gambling, believed everyone has four basic needs, affection, approval, recognition and self-confidence. He also believes when these needs are not met people feel inadequate and overwhelmed by life. He also went on to state that gambling may for a time appear to fill these needs for certain people.

If I really think about those four human needs there are many forms of gambling that can falsely fulfill all of them. I say falsely because the innate nature of gambling gives people or more precisely me a false sense of security which was based on a fantasy. The principles in the Gamblers Anonymous Program fulfill all of these human needs and are based on a reality. Also; following these principles in the GA Program will not lead to prison, insanity or death. These principles lead to a normal happy positive way of life which continues to get better and better each and everyday.

The basic human needs are fulfilled each and everyday I work the GA Program and I do not need a fantasy life anymore. This reality is better than any other fantasy because it has taught me who I really am. As long as I practice these principles in my daily affairs this reality continues to grow with each moment. Today I had some great moments with my children who also fulfill these human needs each and every day. Life is great and I am so very happy to call myself a compulsive gambler in recovery.

Step Five

Before I get into step 5 of the Recovery Program in Gamblers Anonymous. I wanted to pass on a link to a very good story about compulsive gambling and the treatment of compulsive gambling which was sent to me by a very good friend. The center person in the article is one of the world's most famous specialist in the treatment of compulsive gamblers. I had the pleasure of speaking with this man a few times over the course of the past 13 months and it was my honor each time we spoke. Please pay particular attention to the "that room" segment of the article because I gained so much from this section.

Here is one passage I found riveting; "Addiction is chronic and progressive," Hunter continues, his tone flattening back out and his eyes scanning the whole group. "But for your purposes right now, you must realize you are addicted to gambling and if you continue, it will kill you. Alcoholics can take 20 years to bottom out. Gambling addicts can do it in two years. There's no stronger addiction than gambling. It's not about the substance. It has nothing to do with the money. But it's about where it takes you. This is more about addiction than compulsion. Compulsion screws up your life. Addiction ends your life. You don't gamble like Tiger Woods compulsively practices golf. Goddamnit, you gamble like junkies shoot dope. Yet I know people who quit shooting dope because it got in the way of their gambling!" Here is the entire article.

Step Five in the Gamblers Anonymous Recovery Program states; Admitted to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. I had no idea I was working this step the day I was detained when all of my misdeeds came crumbling down upon me but three days later when I entered my first Gamblers Anonymous meeting I realized what I had done. I lied, cheated and stole to advance my compulsive gambling addiction and lived in a fantasy life. I found a weakness in a place which provided me with a great living and instead of doing the right thing I used it to finance my addiction. This was not a conscious decision it was something I just did and it was plain wrong.

I lied to my wife and stole time away from my children. I lied to my wife about all of our finances. I stole precious time away from my children not in a physical sense but in a mental sense. Even though I was with them physically mentally I was not all there. I was thinking about all of the days action and when I could get my next fix. I was a junkie who was hooked on sports betting.

I stole time and money from my employer. Even though I seemed always to be at work I was plotting my day handicapping, placing and watching my action on the day's games. I did not plot to steal from them it was something that just happened and I will be forever sorry. I am making amends to them for these transgressions which I will get to in Step 9 of the Recovery Program.

I tried to be a model employee and was rewarded for this behavior with a promotion and even though I received a promotion I continued with my fantasy life. I was balancing three lives; one the family man, one the career man and one the out of control compulsive gambler. This was a losing battle because the out of control compulsive gambler took over everything. I not only ruined my seemingly perfect life but the lives of my wife and children. By letting my out of control compulsive gambling take over my life I took any sense of normalcy away from my family and for this I am deeply sorry.

I am happy to report that in 13 months and few days of NOT wagering and finding a way to recover from this insidious addiction my life has gotten better. I am becoming the "real" Paul and the "fantasy" Paul has vanished. I do know I must be vigilant in my recovery or the old demons will resurface which is why I practice the Steps and all that I have learned in the Gamblers Anonymous Program each and every day.

Finally, by admitting I am a compulsive gambler and admitting that all of the destruction I have caused has helped me in my recovery. Once I wrote this confession over one year ago I felt a burden being lifted off of me. I know it does not resolve me of those misdeeds but it was the start of an honest road to recovery. I am forever grateful for the day when I finally admitted the nature of my wrongs because I will try everything in my power and with my Higher Power by my side I know I will NEVER have to admit these types of wrongs again.

Simply Amazing

Yesterday I had the privilege of interviewing with one of the leaders in the alcohol and drug recovery industry. In fact; from what I witnessed yesterday the Las Vegas Recovery Center will become the leader in the recovery industry. Each person I met was dedicated and committed to a common goal which was helping other people. Each member of the senior staff was in recovery and fully understands what is needed to recover from any addiction. When they spoke with me I instantly understood what they were talking about and firmly believe the key to my own recovery lies in this concept as well.

This concept they were preaching all day yesterday is very simple and I have been learning about it in the past 397 days. It is called the 12 Steps of Recovery and can be applied to any and most likely all addictions. There appeared to be no coddling or beating around the bush. The key to recovery lies in embracing and practicing these 12 steps each and every day.

Abstinence is one thing but recovery is the key to a happy and healthy life. This recovery center was focused in making sure their clients understand what is needed to recover from their addiction. It was an amazing interview from the owner to the senior staff to the staff. Each person shared a single vision which was helping other people through a very basic concept. They did not preach about a magic pill or abstract concepts. These were real down to earth people who are recovering themselves and understand what has helped them recover.

I was honored to be given the opportunity to meet with these people. I do know there are many hurdles I need to overcome to be employed with this company but I was excited to hear what I heard yesterday. I had to recite my story a few times yesterday but after the second sentence I felt a genuine connection with each person I spoke with. Even though my addiction may have been to something different it was an addiction none the less. I can empathize with each person who is recovering from their addiction and I felt this same empathy towards me.

They knew my story before I got their; they new I was a trained accountant with a compulsive gambling disorder who stole in order to get my fix. They are located in Las Vegas which isn't an easy thing for any compulsive gambler. However; they invited me to interview with them for the day. This speaks volumes as to what type of organization this is and the values they share.

They told me an addict is an addict no matter the addiction. But an addict in recovery no longer functions as an addict because their addiction has been arrested and can be arrested for a lifetime. The only way for the addict to arrest their addiction and lead a normal happy life is to give up their addiction to a Higher Power and live one day at a time. In addition to these very instrumental steps are the 12 Steps of Recovery. If the 12 Steps of Recovery are followed each and everyday the addict is no longer an addict but is in recovery. Recovery is not an impossibility it is a very real possibility as long as this road map is followed.

They must have seen something in my recovery to invite me out for the day. Each person I met with I was so very impressed and would like to be a part of this family. Yes, I believe it is a family as opposed to a place to work because as I met each person I noticed the hugs and genuine affection that were given. This is not a normal practice in a place of business but it is a normal practice in the place of recovery.

Someone asked me "Why I would even go for the interview because I AM going to jail in three weeks" and they went on to ask if I were still in DENIAL. At first I was a bit offended by this statement but the more I think about it the more it make sense from this person's viewpoint. Yes, I will be going to jail in a few weeks so why don't I just sit back and wait for the sentence. I maybe in denial because I don't want to go to prison and I believe I have done everything in my power these past 13 months to get myself on the road to recovery. Whether or not the court takes this into account; I have no idea but I do know I have made some great strides and continue to make strides in my recovery. Yesterday's interview was one of those strides. I fully disclosed my situation and they still invited me out for the visit which is simply amazing I could even interview for the position.

As I was driven back to the airport; I was asked some questions about a compensation package. I told this person I had no right to demand any salary because of the position I am in. I told them that whatever they thought was fair and equitable I would be happy with. This person seemed satisfied with my answer and told me he would put together a package and let me know after a few days.

I couldn't have asked for a better scenario. Here I have recovery center that wants to grow by leaps and bounds in the next five years which knows exactly my situation and they want to offer me a position. I am completely floored because my Higher Power has a definite plan and I am a blessed person. Once again it really is the power of the Program at work. Thirteen months ago I couldn't articulate any of what was said yesterday because I just did not understand my addiction. I am forever grateful to Gamblers Anonymous for showing me the way to salvation.

Possibility

Tomorrow morning I board an airplane so I can meet some people who are considering giving me a second chance. The airplane is bound for Las Vegas and these generous people run a Recovery Center for drug addicts and alcoholics. They know all about my situation and we have spoken at length over the past few weeks. They have invited me out to tour their facility and have a face to face interview to discuss an opportunity. I know this would be considered a long-shot possibility but the interview I had last week gave me some hope.

The telephone interview I had with them consisted of 30 minutes talking only about recovery. There were three of us including me on the telephone call and all three of us were recovering addicts. I thoroughly enjoyed this conversation and I was very impressed with the two people I spoke with. A few days after we spoke I received a telephone call inviting me out to tour their facility for the day. I am looking forward to the meeting and I am looking forward to meeting with these people face to face.

I certainly do not know what will happen tomorrow because my focus is on today. However; I can say that if I didn't fully embrace my recovery this possibility would not exist. Life is full of twist and turns and I have caused so many twist and turns by denying my addiction for so long but now that I am no longer in denial these twist and turns all seem to be very positive. I am very excited and I do know that it is only a possibility but I am so blessed to know that possibilities like this one actually do exist.

A quick personal note; tonight was open house night at my daughter's school. Fortunately this year I was able to attend. Last year was a different story because I was detained when the open house occurred and unable to attend. I was given the opportunity to see how well my daughter was doing in her class and what type of work she is accomplishing. My daughter is a very special little girl who is growing up so very fast. It seems like yesterday my wife and I were coming home from the hospital and she was still in the infant carrier. Now she is doing the multiplication tables and writing narratives. I was so impressed with her work and the work that was being accomplished in the classroom.

The school system my daughter attends is fabulous. They are the top rated school district in the county. I know I have messed this up with my current situation but I do know my daughter has an outstanding foundation to draw upon that will be with her for a very long time. No matter where she goes to school in the future she will always have the "I like school" mentality because it has been so much fun for her in these past three years. To me this seems to be the key because she loves going to school. Hopefully, she will maintain this attitude no matter where she is and I know having my family together wherever they maybe will be the key to this success. I have a wonderful family and no matter what happens in the next few weeks I will ALWAYS have a wonderful family.

Blessings Continue

The blessings that have been bestowed upon me in these past 13 months continue. I am a blessed person to have some very incredible people in my life. I am blessed with an amazing support network starting with my family and extending out to my old and new friends. Today those blessings continue with two very special people. One person I have written about before and today I had the privilege of having a wonderful lunch with this person.

I would not have met this person if I didn't embrace my recovery. Thirteen months ago I made a decision to get help with my compulsive gambling addiction and this has proved to be one of my best decisions I have ever made. This afternoon I took a 100 mile drive to meet this person for lunch and as we talked I thought how good my life really is. I know there are some pretty terrible things in the not too distant future but what I have gained in these past 13 months cannot be taken away from me with any decision the judge renders. I will have all of these blessings in my life for a lifetime. Also I continue to learn and embrace life as each day passes.

After the extraordinary lunch meeting I had the honor and privilege of meeting one of the experts in the field of compulsive gambling research. I spent an hour at the University of California at Los Angeles better known as UCLA speaking with this phenomenal young man. I was literally blown away by this man's intellect and personality. If someone could have the total package of brains and personality this man certainly had it. I had heard some very good things about this man but my meeting him superseded all expectations I may have had. Yet another blessing in my life.

I know our session was only for an hour but I felt so comfortable with this person I could have stayed all afternoon. I presented my situation to him via the shortened version because our time was limited but as I explained my situation I felt this man instantly understood what I was saying. I felt very comfortable and at ease. It was a very different experience from the one I had a few weeks ago via a telephone meeting with another renown expert in the field of compulsive gambling. Today I did not feel inferior and I did not feel superior I felt very calm and serene.

My life has always been blessed I just didn't realize it. I have met some very memorable people in my life but today's meeting will be with me for a very long time. In fact I would be hard pressed to ever forget today's meeting.

As I embarked for the return 100 mile drive in rush hour I couldn't help but to reflect how life is really working itself out. Actually that wouldn't be a fair statement. The reason why life is working itself out is because I am finally doing something about my compulsively gambling addiction and yes, it has been a long time coming. However; some where some how it was meant to be this way. If it didn't work out this way I wouldn't have had these tremendous experiences I have had in these past 13 months. I am a forever grateful to be a compulsive gambler in recovery.

"In recovery" is the key to my existence; as long as I stay in recovery and keep doing the positive things I have done life gets better each and every day. How are why it worked out this way is not important. The important fact is life is getting better because I now have the tools to continue to better myself. As long as I continue to better myself and have great people teach me the way life is a fantastic journey. I am very excited to see where this journey takes me.

Anonymity

Staying with yesterday's theme and also the topic of yesterday's Gamblers Anonymous meeting I would like to write about anonymity. Step 12 of the Unity Program reads; Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of the Gamblers Anonymous Program, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. I highlighted anonymity and spiritual for a reason; how can being anonymous be spiritual? To me having a place to go where you are anonymous and everyone treats you just like everyone else is spiritual in and of itself. I have derived my spirituality from this Program and although my anonymity has been less than stellar I understand the principles of the Program very well.

In the past one of my faults was anonymity. I relished in the anonymity of the internet and how I could place sports wagers without anyone knowing it. This anonymity was part of my undoing and now I seek to rid myself of this non-spiritual anonymity.

I believe a big part of me telling my story to various different media outlets is also part of my recovery. The more people I tell the less likely I am to go back to my old ways of sneaking and lying. I want to be up front with everything this is why I am trying to give back to the Program by reciting my story time and time again.

The spirituality of the Program has taken a little while for me to understand and slowly but surely I have come to know what spirituality means to me. I understand most people when they come to GA they come for one devastating reason or another. They don't want anyone to recognize them and they don't want their story being recited by any other members. This is why we have the creed "Who you see here, What you hear here, When you leave here, Let it stay here." What is said in the room stays in the room and this is very important to the Program. I may right about topics or something that is said at a meeting that hits home to me but I will never right the name of the person who said it. This is a core principle of the Program and I would not take away in any way shape or form from the Program.

My anonymity may have been broken when I mentioned the words Gamblers Anonymous in the article I did in Sunday's newspaper but I was not representing GA in any way. I speak for myself. GA has no representative and does not take a stand on any issues. The foundation of GA is to carry its message to the compulsive gambler who still suffers. This is what I want to do and I believe by me telling my story it serves a purpose. It was a terrible lesson to learn but some good has come out of the bad I have done. I have met some wonderful people and no matter what happens in the next few weeks I have a great foundation to build upon. I am grateful for making my last bet some 13 months ago today.

My Mistake

Step Ten in the Gamblers Anonymous Recovery Program states; "Continued to take personal inventory and when we wrong, promptly admitted it." I was wrong when I did the interview with the local newspaper by mentioning my full name and Gamblers Anonymous. I made the mistake and I apologize. In all of the interviews I have done I was very careful not to mention Gamblers Anonymous when using my full name but not this past interview. I don't know why I completely forgot one of the Unity Steps which states; (Unity Step 11); "Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films and television". I screwed up and I apologize.

I was approached by a few long standing GA members and they were extremely forgiving with me. We talked about the interview and they wanted to know if it was me or the reporter who used the term Gamblers Anonymous and I told them it was me and it was my mistake. All of them told me that it was no big deal and complimented me on doing the interview. I know it may be a big deal to some but a very long standing member told me to not worry about it and in six months from now no one will remember and the simple fact that the article may help someone is what matter most.

Even when I screw up the Program comes to my rescue. These are great people and see that everyone is a human being. All human beings make mistakes and we as a species are very fallible. I am so blessed to be involved with such a fantastic group of people; it really has saved my life.

Much to my surprise the article appeared on the front page of the Sunday edition with the title "Secret Addiction". Along with the article appearing on the front page was the awful picture which looks as if I have huge feet. I don't have huge feet (size 10--average) it was just the angle of the picture. My foot was out of proportion with my body and it looked like I had a pin-sized head. At least the focus was away from my nose this time!!! In all seriousness I was very pleased with the article and I thought it was well written. Also judging by the two comments which were posted on the newspaper's website it appears other people felt this was a good article as well. Hopefully one person will seek help with their "secret addiction" by reading this story because that was my intention to reach out to one person.

We celebrated another one year birthday in the GA meeting last night which makes 6 one year birthdays in the last month. It really is amazing how six strangers entered a room last year looking for a Program to help us stop gambling. All six of us have taken to the Program and it really does work if you work at it. Last night was a celebration because just like the previous celebrations it was evening filled with love and genuine affection. Even though all six of us who entered the room one year ago came in with different gambling vices and different levels of problems the underlying meaning was the same; gambling controlled our lives and it became unamanageable.

I know for myself this was certainly the case and in the past almost 13 months my true self has emerged. I know longer lie for the sake of lying. I find honesty a more simple solution to my problems. In the past the lies and deceit took over and it was very difficult to tell which end was up. Now the right end is the only end which is up because I strive for honesty and integrity each and everyday.

Focusing on the life is certainly not fair department; a very dear friend of mine recently got laid off from a job that they really enjoyed and thought everything was going great. I do know everything happens for a reason and I am sure my Higher Power has a plan for this dear friend because they are one of the nicest, most compassionate and humble persons I have ever been acquainted with. They took the news very hard but they understand life will continue to move forward in a positive manner as long as the principles of the GA Program are followed. This person lives and breathes the GA Program and I know my life has been forever changed in a positive manner because of this person. I know things will workout because good things happen to good people and this person is a great person and I expect great things to have for this dear friend.

Local News Article

Here is the article I referred to a few days ago with a local newspaper; you can click on the link above to see the article in its entirety.


Former Pechanga controller-turned-embezzler speaks out on his compulsive gambling

By: JOSE CARVAJAL - Staff Writer

Paul Del Vacchio still remembers his first bet.

He was 8 or 9 years old and it was for baseball cards in a game he and his friends had made up.

"I remember winning a big stack of cards," Del Vacchio, now 40, said this week. "It was a feeling of 'This is cool; this is cool.' "

From that high, he went to the low of losing those cards two weeks later.

That was the beginning.

From there, Del Vacchio would slowly evolve into a compulsive gambler.

He bet on horses at a racetrack when he was 12. He and a friend lost $13,000 to a bookie at 18.

He made several thousand dollars on a weekend trip to Atlantic City, N.J., while he was going to college in Maryland.

He later discovered the discreet and easily accessible world of Internet gaming.

And that was the beginning of the end.

Last month, Del Vacchio pleaded guilty to embezzling almost a half-million dollars from the Pechanga Resort & Casino, where he had been working as controller. The money, he says, went to feed his gambling addiction.

Del Vacchio is scheduled to be sentenced next month and, per a plea deal with the judge in his case, the most the Temecula resident will spend in state prison is four years ---- not the 21 years he faced had he gone to trial and been convicted.

Even with a stay in prison looming large, Del Vacchio is at relative peace.

That's all out of his control, he says, and all he can do is continue down the road to recovery.

He's got the support of his family, he says, and he's getting help through Gamblers Anonymous and a professional treatment center.

As he's bracing himself for prison, Del Vacchio is speaking out about his problem.

He wants to draw attention, he says, to a serious problem that's going relatively unnoticed.

With gambling becoming more and more accessible through the Internet and tribal casinos, millions of Americans every year are falling into the same trap he did.

He hopes his coming forward could prompt someone to seek help before they do something drastic, like he did.

"If it helps one person not do the things I've done, then it's all worthwhile."

'No control'

Del Vacchio, who is originally from New Jersey, had been hired to work at a casino in Las Vegas when he discovered how easy it was to gamble online.

He had moved to Nevada in 1994 because he had liked the climate and because he was a gambler. He thought that if he got close to the action, he wouldn't have to be a part of it.

And it was working.

As an accountant for a casino, Del Vacchio said, he couldn't risk being seen in one for appearance's sake. He didn't want to earn a professional reputation as a gambler who works in a casino, he said, so he didn't do much of it.

Then he found an Internet sportsbook and it offered good odds and all the discretion he needed.

At first, he said, he thought it was something he could do in moderation.

But he was wrong."I thought if I could control myself, control my gambling, that I could win," Del Vacchio said. "Unfortunately, I completely fooled myself because there was no control.

"As if it were a drug, he got a high from gambling, he said, and, just as it is for drug addicts, the next high had to be better than the last.

He had to continue to get that rush and the stakes got higher. Soon, he was betting thousands of dollars on sporting events.

Del Vacchio got a job at Pechanga several years ago, where he eventually became the controller.

At the same time, even though he was making six figures a year, his gambling debt had grown to as much as $700,000.

So when he happened to discover that he could move thousands of dollars from the casino's account to his own without it being readily apparent, it didn't dawn on him, he said, that he shouldn't do it.

The gambling ---- the need for that high ---- clouded his judgment, Del Vacchio said.

"It was wrong, but at that point in my life I didn't know any better," he said. "I thought, 'Wow, I can live in this fantasy life. I can continue to gamble and live a normal life (as a) husband and father. I can have the best of both worlds.'

"It wasn't even a decision. It was just something that I did. It was there and I took advantage of it.

"It wasn't until he had been caught last year that he realized he truly had a gambling problem.

"That's when it actually dawned on me." Del Vacchio said. "'I said for the first time, 'I am a compulsive gambler.' Once I said the words, it was like this burden came off of me. Even though it was the worst day of my life, it was the start of something.

And then three days later, I found Gamblers Anonymous.

"For a guy who has so much structure in his life and can exert his willpower whenever he wants to in other facets of his life ---- he recently ran in the Los Angeles Marathon and he hasn't eaten a bite of red meat in 17 years ---- Del Vacchio said it's mind-boggling that, in the case of gambling, he can't help himself.

"When it comes to gambling, I just can't control it," he said.

A nation of gamblers

According to experts, the more gambling becomes accessible, whether through casinos or through the Internet, the more it becomes a problem for those who can't control themselves, like Del Vacchio.

And with perceptions of gambling what they are these days, the experts say, identifying compulsive gambling as a problem and getting help isn't easy.

"Americans have always liked to gamble," said Keith Whyte, executive director of the National Council on Problem Gambling in Washington, D.C. "We've always been a risk-taking society. But with the unprecedented growth of legalized gambling and the glamorization of gambling in the media ---- particularly on TV ---- we're seeing real changes in the way people perceive gambling.

"Whyte says that between 3 percent and 4 percent of American adults meet the criteria for problem gambling in a given year. That adds up to between 6 million and 9 million adults, he said.

And the devastation this small segment of the population can cause, Whyte said, can be measured in more ways than just counting growing gambling debts.

"It's a problem a lot like serious drug abuse," he said. "It's a real small percentage, but they can inflict a lot of damage.

"The council estimates that problem gambling resulted in a societal loss of about $6.7 billion last year, Whyte said, which factors in, among other things, money lost because of job loss, divorce and bankruptcy.

The council, he said, isn't anti-gambling: "We're just pro-responsible gambling.

"The problem is, Whyte said, people aren't necessarily seeing gambling as being that big a problem. That means there are fewer education programs and there are fewer places where people can get help, he said.

According to Whyte, of the 48 states that have legalized some form of gambling, only 22 of them have devoted some of their gaming revenue to services for people with gambling problems. California recently jumped on that bandwagon, he said, but it isn't yet devoting enough money to services.

"There could and should be more," Whyte said.

Informed choice

The thing is, says Marc Lefkowitz, director of counselor training for the California Council on Problem Gambling, gamblers don't wear their addiction on their sleeves like other addicts do.

Looking at drug addicts and alcoholics, he said, you can tell when they've consumed too much. But you can't look at a gambler and see that they have just lost thousands of dollars on a bad bet.

"There's no drug testing for gambling," Lefkowitz said.And when things get out of control for gamblers, the situation can get really bad.

Not only can gamblers turn to crime like Del Vacchio did, Lefkowitz says, problem gamblers attempt and successfully complete more suicides than any other kind of addict.

"They create incredibly large financial problems," Lefkowitz said. "There's no overdose in problem gambling ---- you can only drink so much. But gamblers can, say, refinance their homes and take out another $200,000. It creates heavy financial problems.

"The key to getting a handle on this growing problem and keeping people from turning to crime or suicide, he said, is education.

Gambling is where smoking and alcohol were several decades ago, Lefkowitz said. People need to learn that there is potential for addiction and that gambling is probably not for everyone, he said.

And then there's the dearth of treatment programs.

"There's not a lot of treatment programs for gambling," Lefkowitz said. "They're just starting now. We find that the best results are with treatment, Gamblers Anonymous and family help.

"Programs such as Gamblers Anonymous and treatment centers such as A Better Tomorrow in Murrieta are out there.

But they are far and few between. A Better Tomorrow, which started as an alcohol and drug treatment center and recently started a gambling program, is the only problem gambling treatment center in Southwest County, according to its owners.

Del Vacchio recently began treatment there. He says that, with the treatment and counseling he gets there, coupled with his involvement in Gamblers Anonymous, it's easier to fight back the urges he still gets to gamble.

He'd rather focus on his recovery, he said, than his impending trip to prison.

"I know that as long as I don't gamble and I work my recovery to the best of my ability, life will get better and all this other stuff will take care of itself," he said. "It's out of my control.

"Del Vacchio's last bet was on Feb. 28, 2005, just days before he was arrested.

It was a $5,000 wager on an NBA game, he says.

Unlike his first bet, Del Vacchio says, he lost this one.

Contact staff writer Jose Carvajal at (951) 676-4315, Ext. 2624, or jcarvajal@californian.com.

Do you have a gambling problem?

Following are yes or no questions that can help you determine if you may be a problem gambler.

1. Did you ever lose time from work or school due to gambling?

2. Has gambling ever made your home life unhappy?

3. Did gambling affect your reputation?

4. Have you ever felt remorse after gambling?

5. Did you ever gamble to get money with which to pay debts or otherwise solve financial difficulties?

6. Did gambling cause a decrease in your ambition or efficiency?

7. After losing, did you feel you must return as soon as possible and win back your losses?

8. After a win, did you have a strong urge to return and win more?

9. Did you often gamble until your last dollar was gone?

10. Did you ever borrow to finance your gambling?

11. Have you ever sold anything to finance gambling?

12. Were you reluctant to use "gambling money" for normal expenditures?

13. Did gambling make you careless of the welfare of yourself or your family?

14. Did you ever gamble longer than you had planned?

15. Have you ever gambled to escape worry or trouble?

16. Have you ever committed, or considered committing, an illegal act to finance gambling?

17. Did gambling cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?

18. Do arguments, disappointments or frustrations create within you an urge to gamble?

19. Did you ever have an urge to celebrate any good fortune by a few hours of gambling?

20. Have you ever considered self destruction or suicide as a result of your gambling?

Most compulsive gamblers will answer yes to at least seven of these questions.

Source: Gamblers Anonymous

To get help-

Gamblers Anonymous holds meetings nationwide for those who have or think they have a gambling problem. For a list of meeting times and places, go to www.gamblersanonymous.org. You can also contact GA at (213) 386-8789.-

For family and close friends of those with gambling problems, Gam-Anon also holds regular meetings nationwide. For a list of meeting times and places, go to www.gam-anon.org/gamanon/index.htm. You can also contact Gam-Anon at (718) 352-1671.-

Counseling and treatment services are also available at A Better Tomorrow, 41640 Corning Place, Suite 104, Murrieta. For more information, call (800) 517-4849.

The Dark Side Of March Madness

The Final Four means big money for America's bookmakers. Aside from the Super Bowl, few events attract more betting dollars.

And to those for whom gambling has become an addiction, few times of the year are more painful than March Madness, the thrill-packed tournament to crown the nation's best college basketball team.

Psychiatrists have long-suspected that pathological gambling, like depression and other mental disorders, is, at its roots, genetic. Now a researcher at the University of Iowa has found evidence that gambling runs in families.

Running in Families

Dr. Donald Black, a professor of psychiatry at the school's Roy J. and Lucille A. Carver College of Medicine, led a team that interviewed 31 pathological gamblers and 31 other people who placed occasional bets but did not show any signs of addiction.

Black found that 12 percent of the addicted gamblers had relatives with similar addictions, while only about 3 percent of the nongamblers did.

Black, like other mental health experts, believes an addiction to betting relates closely to other addictive behavior.

"Something is being passed along in these families that increases the person's likelihood of engaging in impulsive and ultimately self-destructive behavior," said Black. "In some persons, it manifests as substance abuse, in others as antisocial behavior, and in others, gambling, and often the three are combined."

Gambling addiction has increased in recent years, probably because it has become easier to make bets, Black said. Gambling sites have proliferated on the Internet, and law enforcement officials say illegal bookmakers have increased in number as well. On top of that, more and more states have allowed casinos. But the number of addicted gamblers is hard to come by because so much betting is done either illegally or informally.

Black has published his findings in the journal Psychiatry Research. He found, perhaps predictably, that addicted gamblers were more likely than those in the control group to be single, divorced or widowed. But he also found that the addicted gamblers he studied tended to have larger extended families more brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles although he hesitated to hypothesize why that might be so.

Looking for a Drug to Fight the Gambling Urge

Researchers hope that looking for genetic links to compulsive gambling may lead to a chemical way to treat the problem.

"What we find with pathological gamblers is that they have this uncontrollable urge to gamble," said Black. "Ideally, it would be nice to discover a drug that would reliably interrupt that urge."

Researchers at the University of Minnesota have reported that a new drug, nalmefene, appears to affect the areas of the brain associated with the "pleasure rush" that people get when they satisfy their urge to engage in addictive behavior. The February issue of the American Journal of Psychiatry reported the results of tests conducted on compulsive gamblers in 2002 and 2003.

Among those who took 25 milligrams of nalmefene, 59 percent were rated "much improved" or "very much improved" by the Minnesota team.

But work remains to be done, and nalmefene has not been approved by the Food and Drug Administration for treatment of compulsive gambling. Larger doses did not bring better results, and two-thirds of the patients did not complete the trial, apparently unable to handle such side effects as nausea and insomnia.

The "Talk"

Last night I had the "talk" with my daughter and son. There are some situations in life that you hope and pray you never have to deal with and last night's "talk" was one of them. The simple fact of the matter is my inability to control or rather address my compulsive gambling problem has caused a few too many of these situations. However; I have caused this devastation and destruction and I must continue to deal with any and all situations as they arise.

I decided last night with my faithful day less than one month away to tell my children about my pending departure from the family. I had both my daughter and son in the family room in the E-Z chair with me. I told them I had something to say and they sat down right next to me. My daughter was the first to speak before I started the "talk". She said she knew what I was going to tell them and I asked her what would that be. She replied; you are going to tell us we have to move. She is a very smart 8 year old girl and I told her she was partly correct. Yes, we in fact do need to move but that wasn't exactly what I had to tell them.

I went on to explain to them that I made a mistake and I will have to go away to pay for that mistake. I will be gone for awhile but I will be back before they know it. My son was disinterested from the start; he is five years old and if it doesn't have to do with superheroes or trucks he wants no part of it. As I started the "talk" he became bored and went over to my wife and asked her to tell him a story. My wife told him to listen to Daddy.

My daughter on the other hand was very different. She listened intently and of course had some questions. She asked me how long I would be gone and I replied awhile but I would most likely miss Christmas and her birthday but I would be back very soon. She wanted to know if I was going to miss Halloween because we had talked about me being Willie Wonka and unfortunately I had to tell her I would not be around for Halloween. She seemed most disappointed at this not Christmas and not her birthday but Halloween, what I feel as an adult as important is very different to an eight year old. She wanted me to go treat or tricking with her while I was dressed up as Willie Wonka; I felt my heart drop of few feet when I heard her words about Halloween.

As I went on with the "talk" I brought up that I had to "pay" for my mistakes and when she heard "pay" she instantly asked me how much. I didn't give her a dollar figure because I tried to explain to her that it is more than money but the fact that I have to "pay" in terms of time and being away from the family; I tried to tell her it is not about money but about making sure those mistakes never happen again. Then I quickly changed the subject to something else which prompted her to ask me if she could sleep in my bed with Mommy when I was gone. I told her she would have to ask Mom but I wanted her to keep sleeping her own bed because that is her bedroom and it is important to have things of her own.

I could see the sadness in her eyes but I think she will be okay and as long as she keeps some normalcy in life for whatever time I am away which will go by quickly and I will be back before she knows it. Yes, it is absolutely horrible I had to have this discussion with my children but there is nothing I can do to change the past. I made these horrible decisions so I could live a fantasy life of compulsive gambling and I will now pay for it with some terrible consequences.

I know I have altered the life of my family with what I have done but hopefully with all that I have learned and continue to learn this alteration of my family's life will turn out positive. I do know this past year has turned out positive and no matter what happens in the next month it will continue to be positive as long as I continue doing the things I have done in this past year which means working the Gamblers Anonymous Program.

Press Releases

After receiving a few requests regarding the press releases which were put together by an excellent public relations person I have decided to post these two articles. Please keep in mind these were NOT my idea; they were the idea of the President of the local alcohol/drug/gambling treatment center where I have been volunteering my time for the past few months. I agreed to take part in the press releases and subsequent newspaper article in hopes of reaching out to one person who may seek treatment.

No one should have to go through what I have gone through because help is available for compulsive gamblers and no one should feel ashamed or embarrassed. Once I committed to my recovery life started to get much better and hopefully some other people will be able to seek the help they so desire. One more item; I haven't changed the press releases in anyway and I believe most people already know my last name (sorry Dad) so I left it in the press release. Here are the press releases;

GAMBLING ADDICTION IS BEING FUELED BY THE RISE OF INDIAN GAMING AND THE PROLIFERATION OF GAMBLING WEBSITES

Women are particularly at risk for gambling addiction,
which can strike up to 5 percent of the population

TEMECULA, Calif., March 21, 2006 ― Indian casinos promote themselves as resorts.

"They're not," said Paul Del Vacchio, Pechanga Resort & Casino's former controller. "They are simply places to go gambling. You walk through any casino on any weekday from 6 a.m. to 10 a.m. and if you polled the people gambling, you would find that at least 75 percent of them are compulsive gamblers. Why else would anybody be there at that hour during the week?"

"Women are at risk because women tend to be escape gamblers," said Marc Lefkowitz, a California-certified gambling counselor who supervises A Better Tomorrow's gambling treatment program. "While some would never to a racetrack, many are very comfortable playing slots. They'll go to a slot machine and zone themselves out. They get addicted almost the first time they play."

As many as 5 percent of the population is at risk for gambling, Lefkowitz said, citing statistics compiled by the California Council on Problem Gambling. The problem results when people who, for a variety of reasons, are at risk for gambling behavior are suddenly exposed to casinos that did not exist in close proximity to their homes before.

"Ten years ago, people would take a trip to Las Vegas once or twice a year. But now you have an older population or ladies who are retired or stay at home moms and they need that escape and they have it in their own backyard. They don't have to drive for four hours. You drive 10 or 15 minutes," Lefkowitz said.

Problem gambling, he added, isn't solely caused by the proliferation of Indian gaming facilities. It's also being fueled by the growth of gambling websites.

Del Vacchio himself preferred online gaming because he could pursue his gambling addiction without anyone knowing what he was doing.

For more information about gambling, contact Marc Lefkowitz at (800) 517-4849 or visit A Better Tomorrow's website at www.treatment4gambling.com.


CLINIC OFFERS TREATMENT, AND HOPE, FOR COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS

"For the first time in my life, my gambling addiction is under control."

― Paul Del Vacchio, former financial controller of Pechanga Resort and Casino who allegedly embezzled $480,000 to cover his gambling debts

TEMECULA, Calif., March 21, 2006 ― Paul Del Vacchio finally realized his life was out of control when he was arrested last year on suspicion of embezzling nearly half a million dollars from Pechanga Resort & Casino.

A compulsive gambler since he was a teenager, Del Vacchio, 40, was a skilled accountant who gradually worked his way up the career ladder to become Pechanga Resort & Casino's financial controller.

Ultimately, however, Del Vacchio's six-figure income wasn't enough to
cover his gambling debts, which he hid from his wife and two kids as well as his employer. "My life," he said, "was totally unmanageable."

But while Del Vacchio's future may seem bleak, given the prospect of his upcoming April 21st sentencing hearing and a potential jail sentence, Del Vacchio actually sees brighter days ahead.

After being arrested last year, he realized he needed professional help, so he enrolled himself in an intensive gambling treatment program offered by A Better Tomorrow, a Temecula-based company that provides a variety of drug, alcohol and gambling treatment programs. Del Vacchio completed the program last year, but continues to attend Gamblers Anonymous meetings in an effort to control his addictive behavior.

"For the first time in my life, my gambling addiction is under control," Del Vacchio said, adding that he wants to speak about his problems with gambling in an effort to encourage others to get help themselves into treatment before it's too late.

A Better Tomorrow's gambling treatment program is headed by Marc Lefkowitz, a California-certified gambling counselor and trainer for the California Council on Problem Gaming. Treatment for compulsive gamblers is the latest service offered by A Better Tomorrow, which has helped more than 260 Southern California residents conquer their drug, alcohol and gambling addictions the past two years.

Jerrod Menz, A Better Tomorrow's president, said private gambling treatment services are needed to help the growing numbers of gamblers in Riverside and San Diego counties, whose addictions have spiraled out of control, either as a result of the growth of the region's Indian gaming business or through the increasing availability of online gambling websites.

While no one can argue with the devastation that occurs to families as a result of drug and alcohol abuse, the financial ramifications of gambling can be far more devastating and can affect families for years to come, said Lefkowitz, who serves as director of A Better Tomorrow's gambling treatment program.

"You can't go through $100,000 in alcohol in a week. But you can go through that in a day at a casino," Lefkowitz said, adding that gambling has the highest suicide rate of any addiction because of the financial and family problems it creates.

"People often create their own financial problems due to their gambling. And then they try to rely on gambling to get out of the hole. But it doesn't work," he said.

While some states, such as Oregon, have state-funded gambling treatment programs, California does not. This leaves gamblers with two options: They can either seek help through Gamblers Anonymous, a non-profit group similar to Alcoholics Anonymous, or they can seek help through a private treatment center, such as A Better Tomorrow.

"People can go to Gamblers Anonymous, but for some people, GA is not enough and they need treatment, too," Lefkowitz said. "Here at A Better Tomorrow, we do individual counseling and we give our clients a psychiatric evaluation. We help them learn effective strategies to control their addictive behavior. We help them deal with their financial issues. We help them set budgets and sensible payback plans. And we help them deal with their family."

Marc also said the success rate is often much higher when patients combine therapy with GA sessions.

Del Vacchio identifies with this advice.

He first sought treatment for his gambling addiction from Gamblers Anonymous when he was in college, but he was too scared to attend one of their meetings after a Gamblers Anonymous member who contacted him about his gambling problem. "I got a call from a guy like Tony Soprano. He told me, "You can never bet again or you'll end up in jail, become insane or end up dead."

Del Vacchio thought this response was extreme, so he didn't get involved with Gamblers Anonymous at that time. "I thought I could just be strong, use my willpower and I would be fine. I didn't need a support group. I didn't need a psychologist," he said.

But the man from Gamblers Anonymous was right about what would happen to Del Vacchio. His life is, in fact, a history of compulsive gambling.

"I made my first bet at a racetrack when I was 12 years old," he said.

By the time he was 16, he was heavily involved in sports betting, in which one bets on the outcome of football, baseball or basketball games.

By the time he was 18, he had racked up more than $13,000 in debts to a bookie. His parents intervened and sent him to a psychologist. His father eventually spoke to the bookie and managed to persuade him to forgive his son's gambling debts.

Del Vacchio stayed away from gambling until his senior year of college, when he took a trip to Atlantic City with college buddies. "The worst thing that could have happened," he said. "I won $2,000, and it rekindled something inside of me that said, "You can handle this."

Over the next five years, Del Vacchio got involved with sports betting again. Between the ages of 23 and 28, he racked up $100,000 in debt, even though he was only making $35,000 a year at the time as an accountant for a major public accounting firm.

He later got married and wound up taking a trip a trip to Las Vegas, where he gambled big and won again. "I fell in love with it," he said.

He and his wife later relocated to Las Vegas in 1994, where Del Vacchio got a job working in accounting positions for major casinos.

But he soon became bored with his job and started to occupy his time placing bets over the Internet.

He eventually landed a job with Pechanga Resort & Casino, where he was hired as assistant controller. He was subsequently promoted to financial controller. Over time, however, he allegedly racked up nearly half a million in debt. He used his access to Pechanga's funds to cover his gaming debts, but the scam fell apart when Wells Fargo Bank notified authorities of suspicious transactions involving his account.

While he worked for many years in casinos, Del Vacchio said he found Internet gaming particularly appealing because it enabled him to gamble without anyone realizing what he was doing. "I found that I could be totally anonymous," he said. "No one would ever know whether I won or lost. I always thought I could win my way out."

With help from A Better Tomorrow, however, Del Vacchio learned that his gambling addiction was driven in part by the unhappiness he felt as an adolescent over his parents' divorce. He learned that gambling helped distract him from the sadness and alleviate the pain that continued to plaque him even as an adult.

Del Vacchio completed his session with A Better Tomorrow in September of last year, but he continues to attend Gamblers Anonymous meetings for maintenance purposes. "The best thing I've ever done is committing to Gamblers Anonymous and attending A Better Tomorrow's treatment facility," he said. "I no longer have to keep secrets from my wife or my children. I feel like I've finally gotten my life back."

He said he was amazed by the compassion given to him by other people attending A Better Tomorrow's gambling addiction program and the many Gamblers Anonymous meetings. "They didn't look at me in disapproval," he said, "they looked at me with genuine sympathy. I realized, "I'm not alone in this thing."

For more information about A Better Tomorrow, contact Jerrod Menz at (800) 517-4849 or visit the company's website at http://www.treatment4gambling.com/.

Step Four

I am happy to report that last night was dream and anxiety free!!! With the exception of my poor wife's cough it was a very restful sleep. My poor wife is battling a cough and cold. She is the second one in our family to be afflicted with some type of illness. The first one was my son who contacted Step throat and had to stay home from school yesterday and today. Our family shares many things and unfortunately when one of us gets sick we all seem to get sick. We all will make it just takes time.

Before I go into Step Four in the Recovery Program of the Gamblers Anonymous Program I wanted to share something that happened to me this morning. It may seem insignificant to most people but I was dumbfounded when it happened. My gym membership expired a few days ago at a gym where I have been a member for 9 years. My membership is on an annual program which means I pay one price for the full year. Now at the end of next month I will be going away for an undetermined amount of time so it wouldn't make sense for me to commit to a one year membership.

I inquired from the gym's General Manager about a one month membership and he quoted me a price which was half of my 12 month membership and proceeded to tell me it was the best he could do. Yes, he was a young kid with a rather large ego and he didn't care if he lost my business. I was dumbfounded because he wasn't willing to work with me. I thought customers had some rights but this young man showed me no respect. My nine years of gym membership meant nothing to him. I did not make a scene; I said my goodbyes to some of the staff I have become friends with over the years and left the gym.

I went directly to a competing gym down the street and told another young man my situation. This young man did everything he could to come up with a feasible plan. He told me to write down 10 people I know who maybe interested in a gym membership. In exchange for these 10 people's names he gave me a 30 day pass for free. I was amazed because this situation was the direct opposite of the situation at the gym I had been a member for 9 years. This young man wanted to satisfy me as a customer and didn't stop until he found a feasible solution. It just goes to show me that no matter how many brick walls I may run into there are always people willing to help.

On to Step Four; "Made a searching and fearless moral and financial inventory of ourselves". The financial part of the inventory is very easy because there is nothing left. All of my financial means have gone to pay restitution back to my former employer. Now I will try to be thorough and specific when taking this moral inventory.

I will start with my strengths; Tolerance---I have always been a very tolerant person with others, I firmly believe in treating people with respect no matter what the situation; if someone is belligerent or impatience I will treat them with respect and dignity. I believe everyone has their own faults and I will be tolerant in getting past their faults as well as my own.

Promptness---I have always believed in showing up on time as a matter of respect to all parties. I don't like to wait and I don't expect anyone to wait for me.

Communications--I believe communications is the key to any successful person or organization. I may not have been so great in communicating to myself but I took pride in communicating to others.

Humility---this is an irony when you see my defects; I have always tried to be humble in anything I did or said; now I know the true meaning of humility in my recovery. What I have done to myself and my family has humbled me so very much and each day I try to give more to others than I receive.

Optimism---the glass is half-full and everything happens for a reason; life is so much better with an optimistic outlook and everything will work out for the best.

Forgiveness---people make mistakes and I have made mistakes; this does not mean I will forget those mistakes but everyone deserves a second chance as long as they have remedied those mistakes and genuine about their behaviors. I am a human being and as a human being I am flawed; I am doing everything in my power to correct those mistakes and I have forgiven myself for what I have done. There are some people in this world that will never forgive what I have done and this is fine with me. I believe everyone is fallible and it how one reacts to this mistakes that will define their true character. Forgiveness is necessary in a civilized society because without this would be a heartless world.

Responsibility---I have always tried to be responsible for my actions even though some of my actions were extremely irresponsible. I have take responsibility for my actions and placed the blame squarely on my shoulders. I thought I was a responsible person and now that gambling has been removed from my life I am truly responsible for my actions.

Consideration---even though it may seem like my acts were very inconsiderate of others I tried in the past to think of how others would feel. I was always considerate of my staff which is part of the big shock when what I did become public. This consideration was not an act it was my true character. My inconsiderate act was caused by my ability to not address my gambling problem. I worked with some fabulous people and always tried to think of their feelings even though many of them would most likely disagree because I am not there anymore and their work lives have been made a little more difficult. I sincerely apologize for those actions.

Friendliness---treat people like how you would like to be treated my mom always said and this is what I have done my whole life. I am a friendly person because it beats the alternative and I would rather be treated by a friendly person as opposed to an unfriendly person.

Defects of Character---my defects of character can be categorized by one word GAMBLING because I became all the things I never should have become; a liar, cheater, thief, and inconsiderate arrogant person. With gambling removed from my life I still have some character defects which I try to work on each and every day of my life. Some of my character defects;

Selfishness---sometimes I wallow in my own self-pity and this is wrong. It is not about me it is about others. I need to do more things for other people and stop the self-pity.

False Pride---otherwise known as arrogance---in the past and sometimes even now I think I am better than other people. This is one of the reasons I did what I did at my previous employer; I was smarter than they were and they couldn't possibly catch me. The simple fact of the matter is I am not smarter or clever than anyone else. I am equal and most times less than equal to other people and I have so much more to learn in life.

Laziness---this is a big one for me because in the past I have waited for things to come to me to finally act on them. I was never proactive in my approach to life I was reactive and sometimes my reactions were very late. I need to be more assertive and get things done in a more timely manner. I don't necessarily procrastinate because my laziness sometime precludes me from doing the activity at all. I am making a conscience effort to do more things in an active manner and not to be lazy.

Self-Deception---I fooled myself for so long that I was not a compulsive gambler and I could gamble like normal people. This self-deception is a thing of the past because I cannot gamble ever again my life would end. I have developed an awareness of myself which I try to tune into each and every day. With the guidance of my Higher Power this self-deception has become self-awareness.

I know there are many more defects of character out there that fit my personality but those are some of the main ones. I try each and every day to rid myself of these defects but that will be addressed fully in Step Seven when I humbly ask God (of my own understanding) to remove my shortcomings.

First Dream

Today being exactly one month to my sentencing date it was only fitting that last night I had my first dream about the upcoming sentencing hearing. I was in court with my attorney and my wife. There was no judge and no Deputy District Attorney. I was being ushered from the court by a Bailiff with my attorney and wife. I was ushered to a checkout stand. The kind of checkout stand one would find in a grocery store.

I got to the checkout stand and the clerk (checkout clerk that is) asked me what my sentencing was; I replied "I don't know because the judge hadn't told me and he wasn't even in the courtroom. The checkout clerk proceeded to ask her supervisor who appeared to be the store manager. The store manager did not know. So the store manager asked the district manager. The district manager did not know. The district manager asked the store owner. The store owner did not know and then I woke up.

Hmmm....I wonder what this all means?? I could guess and it would be fairly obvious to most everyone; which is my frustration of not knowing exactly what the sentence will be. Also the frustration of all the powers that be who seem to not know as well.

I admit I am extremely anxious. I lay awake sometimes and I can feel my heart racing for really no apparent reason. I try not dwell on what will take place next month on this date but sometimes when I wake up from a dream such like this it is very difficult to not dwell. I have never had an anxiety attack but last night with my heart racing like it was I could imagine what an anxiety attack may feel like. I have some tremendous tools to draw up and have some tremendous people in my life who have helped and continue to help each and everyday. However; it is those dark moments in the wee hours of the night where I find myself drifting into an anxious state.

Whatever is going to happen on April 21st is going to happen and I caused this myself. I have no one to blame except for myself but I am scared. I will face that day just like any other day and draw upon what I have learned in this past year. I know I will get through whatever is handed down and finally start to move forward without a heavy burden hanging over my head. I do look forward to end which will start a beautiful beginning.

Today was a very interesting day because I had two interviews. One was career related and one was with a local newspaper reporter but they both had the same theme; RECOVERY. I have never had a job interview where I was asked about recovery and today I had my first recovery interview. A few months ago I sent a resume to a Recovery Center along with a cover letter detailing specifically my situation. I received a telephone call last week from someone at the Recovery Center who wanted to set-up a telephone interview for today. I was very excited by this prospect and look forward to this interview.

The interview was very short and they told me it would be and they told me it would be an interview like no other. They were right because for 20 minutes we spoke about recovery. The people I were speaking with were both recovering alcoholics so they new addiction very well. They wanted to ensure I was committed to my recovery and after twenty minutes they said some very complimentary things to me and told me they would call me back in a few days to firm up the next interview. I was very pleased how this turned out and although timing may be an issue with this opportunity at least I know there are people in this world who will give me a second chance and I have Gamblers Anonymous to thank. Without this Program in my life I would not know what recovery is and I wouldn't have had this opportunity. Everything happens for a reason and I know everything will work out for the best.

The second interview I had today was with a local newspaper reporter and it centered around my recovery. I have been doing some work with a local recovery center and they were kind enough to send my story out to a few local newspapers. One of the newspapers was very interested in doing a story on my situation and centering it on recovery. I spoke with the newspaper reporter for about one hour and it was a very good interview. He was a very young man and he didn't really understand gambling addiction or recovery. I did the best I could to explain gambling addiction and how my recovery has saved my life.

He asked some very good questions and one of the questions he asked was; "Aren't you doing all of these positive things in your recovery to get a lesser sentence?" My response; "No, I am doing these positive things so I get my life back." Whatever the judge decides he will decide and as long as I continue working my recovery to the best of my ability life will continue to get better each and every day.

The story will be printed in the Sunday edition of the local newspaper and I am very interested to see the final product. Hopefully, this story will help someone who is struggling with a gambling problem and this person will seek some type of treatment and get help. If I can help one person reach out and get help my negative situation will turn into a positive situation for someone else. Life is a strange journey and I am so very grateful to be on a path which has shown me the positive sides of life as opposed to negative side when I was gambling. My Higher Power has a plan and I am moving forward with this plan each and every day.