Compulsive Gambler True Story One Year Later

One year ago today I started this blog and some 332 posts later my life has gotten so much better. One year ago I posted the story below about me the compulsive gambler and I wanted to up date the story. I am still a compulsive gambler but now I am compulsive gambler in recovery and my compulsive gambling has been arrested for the past 405 days. Here is the story from one year ago and below I will up date the story;

Friday, April 08, 2005

Compulsive Gambler True Story

My name is Paul and I am compulsive gambler, it has been 40 days since my last bet. Forty days ago I didn't realize I was a compulsive gambler; however; when I was confronted by my employer for embezzling it finally "hit" me that I am and will always be a compulsive gambler. I am currently attending and will attend (for as long as I am "legally" allowed) Gamblers Anonymous meetings. I have lost a great career (incidentally in the Gaming business), I am in the process of losing everything that I have worked for with the exception of my wife and two children. My father hasn't spoken to me since this all occurred and my older sister will do anything to help my wife and children but she wants nothing to do with me and I can not blame her.

My wife, mother, step father, younger sister, mother-in-law and some very special friends have showed tremendous support and without this support I am not sure what I would have done. I have spent five days in jail and I am looking at some serious issues in my future. I cannot change the past and I cannot predict what will happen in the future I can only take things one day at a time.

If someone told me 27 years ago when I made my first wager that when you are 39 years old you will lose everything and be in place where there are no freedoms. I would have told them that they were crazy because I am an intelligent person and I can "control" my gambling. The fact of the matter is the gambling took over my life and ruined it and ruined the lives of my family. It is an insidious addiction, you do things that no rational person would do. You don't think of the consequences and I am here to tell anyone that will listen that there are serious consequences for all of my horrible actions.

I threw away a great life so I could always be in "action". Having worked in the Gaming Industry for 13 years I wouldn't dare go near a slot machine or a table game. My game of choice was sports betting because I knew (or I thought I knew) that sports betting had the lowest house percentage so I stood a chance to win. However; winning and losing became superfluous it only mattered whether I had action. Of course I lost a great deal more than I won so I had to fuel the addiction with money and addicts will do anything to get their fix and I did anything and everything to perpetuate my fantasy life. This all came to an end 40 days ago.

I have no desire to make a wager but I do understand that this is a disease and it will be with me all of my life. Gamblers Anonymous has helped a great deal and having a sponsor that went through a similar situation 14 years ago also helps. Right now there is a tunnel ahead and it is very dark but with the Grace of God, my family and my friends I will get through this. I keep thinking of my 7 year old daughter and 4 year old son and I want to see them grow up because I love them more than anything in the world.

April 8, 2006

My name is Paul and I am a grateful compulsive gambler in recovery. I have arrested my compulsive gambling illness for the past 405 days and I thank the Gamblers Anonymous Program for saving my life. Over the past 405 days I have gone to so many GA meetings and have met so many wonderful inspirational people that my life is forever changed for the better.

Yes, I have lost my house, my savings and my career but I haven't lost my family. My wife of 13 1/2 years is my Saint and I thank God each and every day she has stayed with me. I know it has not been easy and the future will not be easy as well but I do know we are so much stronger as a couple than we have ever been in our entire marriage. My wife has been a member of Gam-Anon (for those affected by the compulsive gambler) for the past year and I know her start in this Program was not the best. However; she is an inspiration to me and others when she shares her experience, strength and hope. My wife is a phenomenal person and I love her so very much.

My daughter Lauren (8 years old) and my son Jonathan (5 years old) are extraordinary children. Over the last year I have finally been mentally there for both of them and I want to thank three very special people for granting me the opportunity to be a part of my children's lives. First my younger sister; you are an amazing woman; you do not judge and you do love unconditionally. Second; two very close friends; thank you so very much for being there for me and my family and thank you for seeing the real me. Third; my dear friend who is now on the East Coast; thank you for affording me the opportunity to prove myself in this past year. I know the two of us had similar interests and I know we don't talk as much as we used to but I thank you for all of the support over this past year.

As I stated one year ago, my wife, mother, step father, younger sister, mother-in-law and some very special friends have showed tremendous support and continue to show tremendous support. I would like to add all of my family to this list. I know I got off to a rocky start with my older sister but our relationship has been the best it has been in my lifetime and I thank her and her family for all of the support over this past year. Also; my sister-in-law and brother-in-law for all of their support for not only me but my wife and children. These are remarkable people and I am blessed to have them in my life.

I know my father had a very difficult time with what I had done and it really has been a struggle. Afterall; no father wants their son to be a felon. However; I do know my father has tried his best to understand what I have done by faithfully attending Gam-Anon and I know this outstanding Program has strengthened our relationship. I am happy to report my Dad and I talk much more now than in the past and our relationship continues to move forward in the right direction.

Through the GA Program I have made some wonderful friends. Even though our backgrounds are very different we all share the same affliction; our life was controlled by gambling but now we are seeking a solution to our gambling problem. These are tremendous people who I have gotten to know so very well over the past year and I am so blessed to call each one friend.

I still have no desire to make a wager and I thank the principles of the Gamblers Anonymous Program for arresting this desire. I can see a shining beacon through that dark tunnel I wrote of one year ago. I do know that no matter what sentence the Judge decides in a few weeks that everything will work out for the best because I have finally done something about my compulsive gambling addiction and will continue this for my lifetime. I am so thankful for finding a solution to my compulsive gambling addiction and I do know this addiction is a lifetime affliction. However; this lifetime affliction can be arrested with a very simple Program that must be followed one day at a time.