Step Five

Before I get into step 5 of the Recovery Program in Gamblers Anonymous. I wanted to pass on a link to a very good story about compulsive gambling and the treatment of compulsive gambling which was sent to me by a very good friend. The center person in the article is one of the world's most famous specialist in the treatment of compulsive gamblers. I had the pleasure of speaking with this man a few times over the course of the past 13 months and it was my honor each time we spoke. Please pay particular attention to the "that room" segment of the article because I gained so much from this section.

Here is one passage I found riveting; "Addiction is chronic and progressive," Hunter continues, his tone flattening back out and his eyes scanning the whole group. "But for your purposes right now, you must realize you are addicted to gambling and if you continue, it will kill you. Alcoholics can take 20 years to bottom out. Gambling addicts can do it in two years. There's no stronger addiction than gambling. It's not about the substance. It has nothing to do with the money. But it's about where it takes you. This is more about addiction than compulsion. Compulsion screws up your life. Addiction ends your life. You don't gamble like Tiger Woods compulsively practices golf. Goddamnit, you gamble like junkies shoot dope. Yet I know people who quit shooting dope because it got in the way of their gambling!" Here is the entire article.

Step Five in the Gamblers Anonymous Recovery Program states; Admitted to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. I had no idea I was working this step the day I was detained when all of my misdeeds came crumbling down upon me but three days later when I entered my first Gamblers Anonymous meeting I realized what I had done. I lied, cheated and stole to advance my compulsive gambling addiction and lived in a fantasy life. I found a weakness in a place which provided me with a great living and instead of doing the right thing I used it to finance my addiction. This was not a conscious decision it was something I just did and it was plain wrong.

I lied to my wife and stole time away from my children. I lied to my wife about all of our finances. I stole precious time away from my children not in a physical sense but in a mental sense. Even though I was with them physically mentally I was not all there. I was thinking about all of the days action and when I could get my next fix. I was a junkie who was hooked on sports betting.

I stole time and money from my employer. Even though I seemed always to be at work I was plotting my day handicapping, placing and watching my action on the day's games. I did not plot to steal from them it was something that just happened and I will be forever sorry. I am making amends to them for these transgressions which I will get to in Step 9 of the Recovery Program.

I tried to be a model employee and was rewarded for this behavior with a promotion and even though I received a promotion I continued with my fantasy life. I was balancing three lives; one the family man, one the career man and one the out of control compulsive gambler. This was a losing battle because the out of control compulsive gambler took over everything. I not only ruined my seemingly perfect life but the lives of my wife and children. By letting my out of control compulsive gambling take over my life I took any sense of normalcy away from my family and for this I am deeply sorry.

I am happy to report that in 13 months and few days of NOT wagering and finding a way to recover from this insidious addiction my life has gotten better. I am becoming the "real" Paul and the "fantasy" Paul has vanished. I do know I must be vigilant in my recovery or the old demons will resurface which is why I practice the Steps and all that I have learned in the Gamblers Anonymous Program each and every day.

Finally, by admitting I am a compulsive gambler and admitting that all of the destruction I have caused has helped me in my recovery. Once I wrote this confession over one year ago I felt a burden being lifted off of me. I know it does not resolve me of those misdeeds but it was the start of an honest road to recovery. I am forever grateful for the day when I finally admitted the nature of my wrongs because I will try everything in my power and with my Higher Power by my side I know I will NEVER have to admit these types of wrongs again.