Doing the Right Thing

All of my life I have tried to do the right thing but somewhere amongst my compulsive gambling this right thing became doing the right thing for me at the time so I could continue to gamble. It really is incredible the lengths I went to keep gambling. Now those incredible lengths have led to some incredible consequences such as losing my house, car, career and soon my freedom. All of this was brought back to me as I spoke with someone who is at a stage I was I at a few years ago. This person is battling their compulsive gambling addiction and was looking for advice. I was fortunate enough to speak with this person and relay what I have learned.

I have learned that life is not meant to be lived lying, cheating, stealing and with a guilty conscience. Life is meant to be lived with an honest purpose and hopefully the words I used hit home. I remember having a similar conversation with someone about one year ago but the roles were reversed. I have learned so much in this past it truly is amazing and I was so happy to be on the giving side of the conversation this time.

I have been given a gift of some extra time in regards to my freedom and I fully intend to use this time wisely and enjoy each and everyday. Over the past few days I have had the honor and privilege of speaking to a few people who are at the very early stages of their recoveries. I don't know how much wisdom I can shed but I tried my best. I was told many years ago that if I deny my compulsive gambling addiction there are things that will certainly happen to me and I believe the word was "yet". They were absolutely correct all those things happened to me and what I thought would be impossible turned out to be very possible and now I will pay the price for those "yets".

I pray to God no one goes through what I have gone through but I would be naive to think I can save the world. I cannot save the world I can only save me which is the most important aspect in my recovery. If I don't save me then it is all over. I will continue doing everything in my power to work my recovery to the best of my ability and part of this is sharing my story with others. If I do touch one person and that person seeks help for the madness then I am helped.

I want to touch on somethings that were said to me this past week in regards to my sentencing hearing last week. First I can't believe it has been a week already; time does fly!! In that courtroom and in the judge's eyes I was being punished for my behavior because it was criminal. Yes, it was due to my inability to control my compulsive gambling addiction but that does not excuse the behavior. I was a compulsive gambler who stole and I will be punished for those activities. In the judge's eyes the punishment should be state prison because of those actions but that is not the entire story. I lost my career, house, car, and any liquid asset which to some is punishment as well. I thank God I have not lost my wife and children because without them the road to recovery would have been much tougher.

Through the love of my family and friends I will make it and continue to be a better person. I have lost so much but I have gained so much in losing all of those trivial possessions. I have gained myself , my family and some magnificent friends. I gained a new appreciation for life and gained a new purpose in life. Yes, I am being punished for the behavior of the old Paul and I will do everything in my power to ensure the new real Paul will continue to grow in a positive direction.