Elusive "Higher Power"

All of the GA meetings I currently attend and have attended in the past are great; for some reason the Sunday Night (which is really late afternoon due to the time of the meeting) meeting has always held a special place for me. I think it has something to do with the therapy/sharing session being held with candlelight and the time of the meeting. The meeting commences at 5 pm on a Sunday which seems to fit most schedules very well. Yesterday I had the honor and privilege to chair the meeting because the regular Secretary was out of town.

I’m sure it is just an ego thing (which I need to address as one of my many character flaws) but I do enjoy chairing meetings. I do have to learn to let go and not be so controlling because this is a much better way of life. However; I do find myself subconsciously critiquing the way in which the meeting is being chaired. This is not fair to those who are chairing and the key to the program is the meetings themselves. I am sure I make my share of critical mistakes as I chair but I do enjoy guiding the meetings.

I enjoyed last night’s meeting and for the first time in awhile no new members attended. We received our share for the week and hopefully these new members just decided they needed an evening off from GA and we will see them again. The meeting was very good as there were some very good points made. The theme for me centered on “Higher Power” and I have struggled with this concept for the last three years. I continue to view this as a work in progress and my time incarcerated generated much soul searching in this area. I not only soul searched but reading Dr. Wayne Dyer’s “The Power of Intention” and “Living the Wisdom of the Tao” I gained a much better understanding of my “Higher Power”.

I still get a little irked when people refer to their “Higher Power” as a He because in my mind my “Higher Power” is neither a He nor She; it is a Being that encompasses all. My Higher Power is more of a Spirit then anything else and this Spirit embodies all that is good in everything. I believe I was and everyone else was born this way meaning everyone is inherently good not evil. I don’t understand the concept of “original sin” and see the positive in everyone. I worked on this as I served my prison sentence and I continue to work on this everyday out here in the free world. I do believe I have come a long way in the past three years where I shuddered at the notion of “God”. This is “God” of my own understanding.

I have noticed that the internet has made some significant strides in the 19 plus months that I was away. I don’t get home in time to watch “60 Minutes” which used to be a ritual of my roommate and me. We would spend the hour listening to the radio broadcast of “60 Minutes” as it faded in and out. I doubt my roommate is able to listen to the broadcast anymore because of Daylight Savings Time. The reception only came in at nightfall and it isn’t nightfall until after the airing of “60 Minutes”.

Anyhow I found a place where I can watch the “60 Minutes” segments on the internet. Since the internet is now broadcast via broadband connection the streaming videos are just like watching television. I was able to watch all of the segments from the broadcast and I have bookmarked this site for future viewing. Not only can I view “60 Minutes” but I can also view “CBS Sunday Morning” show which is another well done production.
This was the extent of my evening along with my weekly ritual of washing clothes.

It appears Mondays will be my dedicated day off from working out with my training program for the San Diego Rock n Roll Marathon June 1st. (I’m not sure if I will be able to take part in the marathon because it is a significant cost and it maybe too weird to be there by myself without my family; but I am still training.) Since I had the day off and my dear friends needed someone to watch their children for a few hours this morning I happily accepted.

Having two children so young and so close in age can pose challenges but this morning they were both very happy and cooperative. It was a pleasure watching them this morning and brought back fond memories of my children when they were much younger. Watching the children is the least I can do for my dear friends since they have done so much for me. It was a very nice start to a Monday morning and since it was Monday I logged my weekly telephone call to my Parole Agent. I am not bound to do this and in fact I am not sure if my Parole Agent enjoys hearing from me every week but it seems like the right thing to do.

Today I actually got to talk to my Parole Agent and followed up on the possibility of flying out to New Jersey in July and driving back with my family. I asked the question I asked a few weeks ago and got a very strange response but I did not question this response I merely let it go. My Parole Agent had to ask their Supervisor and would get back to me. Usually this could represent bad news or no news at all. Much to my surprise five minutes later my Parole Agent called me back and gave me the official word that I could travel to New Jersey in July and drive back with my family. There are some particulars to work out such as how much time I have to drive back with my family but this will be worked out prior to my departure. This was great news and now we can officially start planning the trip.

I would be remiss not to wish a very dear friend of mine in the GA Program a HUGE CONGRATULATION for their 40th anniversary in the GA Program. This is an incredible member and a member I have written about in the past. One New York columnist put it best when describing this great friend and great member of GA; “Arnie Wexler has saved more lives then penicillin”. This is so true and I am blessed to call him a very dear friend. Way to go Arnie; congratulations and many more all one day at a time.