I started the “Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows” book last night. Since it is a 752-page missive, it should take me a while to read it. I only read the first few chapters, and it has already captured me. One of the downsides (it really isn’t a downside but more of a contrast) of having to work all day as opposed to being in Jamestown where I had more down time, thus more time to read. I believe it took me three days to read the fifth installment of Harry Potter “The Order of the Phoenix” because I had nothing else to do. I am very grateful for having something else to do and will most likely read this book just like being in the real world. I have been looking forward to reading this book for quite some time, and thanks to my very generous, kind, and loving sister, I have the opportunity to read the book.
After reading a few chapters, it was time for me to go to sleep, and when I awoke, I embarked on my Tuesday burpee/pushup routine. I no longer have any debates with myself on whether or not I should stay in bed. Quite frankly, I like getting up at 5:00 a.m. (Wait a second. Did I actually write that last statement?? What, am I crazy? Yes!) because it starts my day off in the right direction. I have e also made a decision to not put anymore ruts in the lawn. There have been too many comments about this, and today, I worked out in a spot where there were ruts already. There isn’t much grass in the camp as much of the land is dirt, and one side of the grass is very nice. The side of the grass I work out on is not very nice, and the ruts were making it worse. Today, I started off on the concrete but had to quickly move to the grass because my foot was hurting. Yesterday, I dropped a fairly large branch directly on the top of my left foot. The branch hit so squarely there wasn’t even a mark, but it was very sore. I keep escaping serious injury because last week I was hit by a rolling log. I moved quickly enough that the log glanced off my left forearm. Again, there wasn’t a mark, and it was only sore for a day, so I moved to the grass.
The early morning was once again cool and beautiful. There wasn’t a marine layer, and the sky was crystal clear. The temperature felt more like October than August with the temperature in the high 50’s. I’m not sure how long this cool weather will last, but I will enjoy it while it is here. The workout was very good, and it was on to the usual part of my day. There are two crews out on a fire in Santa Barbara, and this allows me to sit with my three friends. It is quite funny as we sit down for breakfast because everyone trades with everyone else. This is almost like family style at a Chinese restaurant. The only item missing is the lazy Susan. I do end up with two oatmeal servings which suit me great.
I was “booted and suited” when one member of my crew came into the dorm informing us we might be going to Santa Barbara, so if there was anything we needed to bring, we should bring it out to the grade. This information put the camp into an uproar because all of a sudden all the crews were allegedly going to Santa Barbara. I learned a while ago not to believe anything until either the C/O’s or the fire captains tell me. These rumors are rampant and most of the time off base. I did take my shower shoes, comb, and Harry Potter book just in case. I boarded the fire bus, and the captain informed us of our assignment for the day. He also said we weren’t going to Santa Barbara but, “you never know.” I have mixed feeling about going out of town. This weekend I have my visitors planned, and I am looking forward to seeing everyone. I don’t mind going out of town because the time seems to pass even faster. If I had my choice, I wouldn’t mind going out of town Sunday afternoon after all my visits had concluded. Unfortunately, I don’t have a say in this, and I will see what happens.
Our assignment today was something different from the cutting of brush in the mountain community. Yes, it was different from the past week’s assignment, but it was really the same as we returned to the local lake for some weed whacking. My strategy when it comes to weed whacking is to secure one of the weed trimmers. I prefer handling the power tool as opposed to the pitchfork. With the weed trimmer in my hands, I am always moving, and I can get into my own little world. I did enter my own little world as the captain told me to go to the far end and work my way back. My fellow crew members were on the opposite end, so I was left by myself. This did not bother me in the least because there were plenty of weeds, and I got into a flow. I finally learned how to use the weed trimmer the proper way, and I only experience one line jam.
No matter what I seem to be doing, these days are passing quickly. The morning went fast, and the next thing I realized it was lunchtime. The afternoon went fast, and the next thing I realized we were headed back to camp. In between all of this, I enjoyed another glorious day weather-wise. The sky was again very blue; there wasn’t one cloud in the sky. This is truly October weather, and now I can see why I have enjoyed living in southern California. I have lived on the east coast, in Las Vegas, and now in southern California. I have to say the weather here is the best of anywhere I have lived. Yes, it does get hot during the summers, but it always seems to cool down at night no matter how hot it gets during the day. I do prefer cloudless days with bright sunshine over gloom any day; however, I would gladly trade these bright sunny days so I could live my family anywhere. In the past, I got hung up on insignificant aspects such as the weather. The only thing that matters is that I get to live with my family. In less than 7 months, I will have this opportunity, and I would follow them to Mars as long as we were all together. We will be together very soon, and I can’t wait for that day. In the meantime, I will continue to enjoy each and every day. These past 13 months have been great for me, and with less than seven months to go, I know it will continue to be great.
On the way back to camp, we made an impromptu stop on the side of the road. We made our captain stop so some of my crew members could relieve themselves. This was not the real reason because it was our “swamper’s” (the leader of the crew) birthday. It is tradition to dump a bucket of ice water (very similar to what football teams do to their coaches when they win a big game; I think a Gatorade bucket) on the birthday person. So while the swamper (birthday boy) was relieving himself, another crew member dumped the bucket of ice water on him. This was very funny, and everyone, even the “dumpee” got a good laugh. Our crew is a great bunch of guys, and we all get along so well. I have been so fortunate to get on this crew because all crews are not like this. Each one of my crew members is a solid person, and I would trust my life to them. There could be a time when this may come to fruition because on a wildfire anything can happen, so I am blessed to be surrounded by these great guys.
We arrived back in camp, and the day was essentially over. I showered and got ready for dinner. My friend who is responsible for the food ordering has outdone himself as he had made a concerted effort to add more food offerings for the likes of me. Tonight, in addition to the regular meal which was barbecue chicken, there was plenty of rice and beans to keep me filled up for weeks. I had so much rice and beans I couldn’t finish what was on my tray. I am going to bring my bowl from now on so I can take the leftovers either for later or for lunch the next day. In the past week or so, the dinner offerings have been great even for me. The plan is to have servings of rice and beans each night so those of us who don’t eat meat get enough to eat. This is working out very good, and when I finished eating tonight, I couldn’t eat another thing.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Monday, August 06, 2007
Chainsaw in my Hand??
I was still stuffed when dinnertime arrived last night. I really didn’t feel like eating. I did go to the dining hall, and it was a good thing I was not hungry because the only item on my tray I could eat was the salad. This was one of those “lost” dinners for me since it was pork stir-fry with fried rice. I did give away all of my food which also consisted of a turkey burger, for the non-pork eaters and which I gave to my non-red-meat-eating friend. The salad was sufficient for me because I was still basking in the love from my dear friends.
After dinner, I was going to read more of “Armageddon”, but my plan went a little off base. Someone had asked me a tax question, and I spent the next hour explaining certain tax-related issues. I won’t go into the discussion because that would be even more boring than most of this blog! I will say that here are some very clever individuals in a place like this. I can only state what I know, and I believe I did shed some light on the subject matter. I was able to read a little more before going outside to enjoy the beautiful early evening air. I joined in a discussion with my friends from the “table” who were lounging on the grass. Our little group of four people has been labeled some very funny things such as; The View, Boy Scouts, and The Professionals’ Table! I find this very funny as do my three friends. Last night, I had given one of them “The Secret.” This same person had just completed reading “The Power of Intention.” We entered into a discussion regarding these books. Since he had just started “The Secret,” there really wasn’t much discussed about the book. “The Secret” is the law of attraction, and broken down to its basic level, it means that what a person asks for is what that person receives. Of course, life is not this simple, but I firmly believe in the concept utilizing all the tools from “The Power of Intention” and “The Secret.” These two books have had a profound effect on me, and as I took part in the discussion, I was saying things I don’t normally say. Normally, I try to stay neutral on most topics, but when it comes to intention, I have very firm beliefs. As I mentioned previously, I have added these concepts to my daily life, and I am very grateful.
The evening came to an end much like any other evening as the sprinklers came on. I went inside and almost finished “Armageddon.” I had only one more chapter to go, but it was my bedtime, and I was getting sleeping. I left the one chapter for this morning, which I did finish reading. This installment is most definitely the next to last in the series because most of the major characters are dropping like flies! Normally, one major character dies in the previous installments, but many more than one have died in this installment. The story remains very good, and once I finish reading “Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows,” I will read the last installment “Glorious Appearing” which will conclude the series. Prior to reading these books and prior to coming to prison, I had heard a great deal about this series, all of which were positive. I don’t consider myself a huge Christian believer, but these books have taught me a lot, and to me, it reads more of a mystery than anything else.
The early morning arrived very quickly, and with it started another work week. Taking one day off from exercising has served me well, but I do look forward to the Monday morning run. As the summer continues to move forward, the sunrise comes later and later. This morning, I spent the first 20 minutes of my run in darkness. Thankfully, the camp has enough lights, and these lights even illuminate the hill. As I ran on the hill, it felt strange as the sun was rising, but this morning was a beautiful sight. In southern California, there is something called a marine layer which predominantly arrives in June and lasts all this month. The marine layer was unusual this morning because it is August, but it was quite a sight. It started out as a loud layer over the mid-portion of the surrounding mountains. As the sun rose, this cloud layer rose and covered the entire valley. I watch all of this as I ran. Nature is wonderful. In days gone by, I wouldn’t think anything of this incredible sight, but now I am so much more aware of my surroundings. Speaking of my surroundings, I ran by a tarantula five times this morning. The tarantula is quite a scary sight being all black and much larger than a regular spider. This is the second time I have seen a tarantula in camp and the first time was last night. Apparently, these types of tarantulas are not poisonous because one of my fellow inmates picked up the tarantula and started to play with it. I’m not that adventurous, so I steered clear. I am in somewhat of a wilderness, and there is wildlife all around from the tarantulas to the rattlesnakes. This is quite eye opening for me whose idea of roughing it is Holiday Inn. I continue to learn so much, and I have a whole new appreciation for nature.
My run had concluded, and it was time to shower, dress, and breakfast portion of my day. All of these were uneventful, and it was time for work. Once again my crew returned to the mountain community to cut down the trees and brush. This seems to be our project until it is completed. I certainly do not mind, and today was a spectacular day weather-wise. There wasn’t one cloud in the sky, and that sky was the deepest blue I have ever seen. Also, there was a slight cooling breeze, and the temperature was quite comfortable. There area where we are working sits at about 5,000 feet above sea level, and we were above the marine layer. As soon as I got off the bus, I stared at the deep blue sky and felt very serene. Here I am serving a prison sentence, yet I get to experience the beauty of nature firsthand. I am blessed and so grateful for how all of this is working out for the very best.
The workday provided something very different for me. Our crew has two people who exclusively operate the chainsaws, and they have two apprentices who operate the chainsaws as well. On projects such as this one, everyone else pitches in to collect the cut brush and trees where they are placed in a pile. This has been my job for the past week. I maintain a positive attitude while doing this, and I get to experience clean mountain air. It is truly a positive experience. Today, one of my crew members who operates the chainsaw asked me if I wanted to cut down a few trees with the chainsaw. He wanted to give me a different experience. I don’t remember ever using a chainsaw at anytime in my life, so I was up for the experience. He gave me very good instructions on everything including safety. The next thing I knew I had a real live chainsaw in my hands. This is amazing because, please remember, I am serving a prison sentence, yet I get to experience cutting down trees with a chainsaw. I had fun with the chainsaw as I dropped a few small trees. Working with the chainsaw was invigorating, and I was happy to have the opportunity. As I was operating the chainsaw, I had to wear chaps, which are protective wear to protect my legs from any mishap with chainsaw. The chaps are much like shin guards are to a catcher in baseball, but they extend the whole leg. The person who gave me the chaps is much bigger than me, so there were some major adjustments. I am the skinniest guy on the crew, so I am sure these chaps looked funny. I did not care how they looked. I welcomed the opportunity to use the chainsaw. It was a very fun experience, and I preferred cutting down the trees as opposed to carting them away.
It was a great day on the grade, and the day passed very quickly. Before I knew it, we were heading back to camp. In a world of how certain events take place, while I was cutting down the trees with the chainsaw, other members of my crew, who were on the opposite end of the hill, were getting stung by bees. Thankfully, none of them were seriously injured, and the ironic part is I am allergic to bees. I was diagnosed when I was 12 years old as being allergic. I may have outgrown this allergy. In fact, I am positive I have outgrown it, but in the area where I worked, there wasn’t a hint of any bees. Is this really a coincidence or the way it is intended? I have my opinion on this which I will keep to myself, but the more these “coincidences” arise, the more I am positive that this is the way things are intended for me.
We arrived back at camp for the shower, dress, and go to dinner portion of my day. My friend who does the ordering for the kitchen is doing everything in his power to ensure I have enough food to eat. The dinner tonight was chili dogs, but my friend saw to it that there were items we both could eat. He helped make a very delicious garden salad complete with spinach, lettuce, green peppers, cilantro, tomatoes, jalapenos, and radishes. There was also rice for me to eat, which was an addition. The salad was very good, and so many other inmates raved about it. I certainly had enough rice and corn to fill me up. Once again, everything is working out extraordinarily well for me, and my friend will see to it that I get enough food. I am so grateful for everything in my life and all the great people I have come to know. Quite frankly, I had no idea I would meet great people in a place like this, but I certainly have. My life is great. Before I sign off for today, I would like to say Happy Birthday to my sister-in-law. I hope you had a great day. Happy Birthday!!
After dinner, I was going to read more of “Armageddon”, but my plan went a little off base. Someone had asked me a tax question, and I spent the next hour explaining certain tax-related issues. I won’t go into the discussion because that would be even more boring than most of this blog! I will say that here are some very clever individuals in a place like this. I can only state what I know, and I believe I did shed some light on the subject matter. I was able to read a little more before going outside to enjoy the beautiful early evening air. I joined in a discussion with my friends from the “table” who were lounging on the grass. Our little group of four people has been labeled some very funny things such as; The View, Boy Scouts, and The Professionals’ Table! I find this very funny as do my three friends. Last night, I had given one of them “The Secret.” This same person had just completed reading “The Power of Intention.” We entered into a discussion regarding these books. Since he had just started “The Secret,” there really wasn’t much discussed about the book. “The Secret” is the law of attraction, and broken down to its basic level, it means that what a person asks for is what that person receives. Of course, life is not this simple, but I firmly believe in the concept utilizing all the tools from “The Power of Intention” and “The Secret.” These two books have had a profound effect on me, and as I took part in the discussion, I was saying things I don’t normally say. Normally, I try to stay neutral on most topics, but when it comes to intention, I have very firm beliefs. As I mentioned previously, I have added these concepts to my daily life, and I am very grateful.
The evening came to an end much like any other evening as the sprinklers came on. I went inside and almost finished “Armageddon.” I had only one more chapter to go, but it was my bedtime, and I was getting sleeping. I left the one chapter for this morning, which I did finish reading. This installment is most definitely the next to last in the series because most of the major characters are dropping like flies! Normally, one major character dies in the previous installments, but many more than one have died in this installment. The story remains very good, and once I finish reading “Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows,” I will read the last installment “Glorious Appearing” which will conclude the series. Prior to reading these books and prior to coming to prison, I had heard a great deal about this series, all of which were positive. I don’t consider myself a huge Christian believer, but these books have taught me a lot, and to me, it reads more of a mystery than anything else.
The early morning arrived very quickly, and with it started another work week. Taking one day off from exercising has served me well, but I do look forward to the Monday morning run. As the summer continues to move forward, the sunrise comes later and later. This morning, I spent the first 20 minutes of my run in darkness. Thankfully, the camp has enough lights, and these lights even illuminate the hill. As I ran on the hill, it felt strange as the sun was rising, but this morning was a beautiful sight. In southern California, there is something called a marine layer which predominantly arrives in June and lasts all this month. The marine layer was unusual this morning because it is August, but it was quite a sight. It started out as a loud layer over the mid-portion of the surrounding mountains. As the sun rose, this cloud layer rose and covered the entire valley. I watch all of this as I ran. Nature is wonderful. In days gone by, I wouldn’t think anything of this incredible sight, but now I am so much more aware of my surroundings. Speaking of my surroundings, I ran by a tarantula five times this morning. The tarantula is quite a scary sight being all black and much larger than a regular spider. This is the second time I have seen a tarantula in camp and the first time was last night. Apparently, these types of tarantulas are not poisonous because one of my fellow inmates picked up the tarantula and started to play with it. I’m not that adventurous, so I steered clear. I am in somewhat of a wilderness, and there is wildlife all around from the tarantulas to the rattlesnakes. This is quite eye opening for me whose idea of roughing it is Holiday Inn. I continue to learn so much, and I have a whole new appreciation for nature.
My run had concluded, and it was time to shower, dress, and breakfast portion of my day. All of these were uneventful, and it was time for work. Once again my crew returned to the mountain community to cut down the trees and brush. This seems to be our project until it is completed. I certainly do not mind, and today was a spectacular day weather-wise. There wasn’t one cloud in the sky, and that sky was the deepest blue I have ever seen. Also, there was a slight cooling breeze, and the temperature was quite comfortable. There area where we are working sits at about 5,000 feet above sea level, and we were above the marine layer. As soon as I got off the bus, I stared at the deep blue sky and felt very serene. Here I am serving a prison sentence, yet I get to experience the beauty of nature firsthand. I am blessed and so grateful for how all of this is working out for the very best.
The workday provided something very different for me. Our crew has two people who exclusively operate the chainsaws, and they have two apprentices who operate the chainsaws as well. On projects such as this one, everyone else pitches in to collect the cut brush and trees where they are placed in a pile. This has been my job for the past week. I maintain a positive attitude while doing this, and I get to experience clean mountain air. It is truly a positive experience. Today, one of my crew members who operates the chainsaw asked me if I wanted to cut down a few trees with the chainsaw. He wanted to give me a different experience. I don’t remember ever using a chainsaw at anytime in my life, so I was up for the experience. He gave me very good instructions on everything including safety. The next thing I knew I had a real live chainsaw in my hands. This is amazing because, please remember, I am serving a prison sentence, yet I get to experience cutting down trees with a chainsaw. I had fun with the chainsaw as I dropped a few small trees. Working with the chainsaw was invigorating, and I was happy to have the opportunity. As I was operating the chainsaw, I had to wear chaps, which are protective wear to protect my legs from any mishap with chainsaw. The chaps are much like shin guards are to a catcher in baseball, but they extend the whole leg. The person who gave me the chaps is much bigger than me, so there were some major adjustments. I am the skinniest guy on the crew, so I am sure these chaps looked funny. I did not care how they looked. I welcomed the opportunity to use the chainsaw. It was a very fun experience, and I preferred cutting down the trees as opposed to carting them away.
It was a great day on the grade, and the day passed very quickly. Before I knew it, we were heading back to camp. In a world of how certain events take place, while I was cutting down the trees with the chainsaw, other members of my crew, who were on the opposite end of the hill, were getting stung by bees. Thankfully, none of them were seriously injured, and the ironic part is I am allergic to bees. I was diagnosed when I was 12 years old as being allergic. I may have outgrown this allergy. In fact, I am positive I have outgrown it, but in the area where I worked, there wasn’t a hint of any bees. Is this really a coincidence or the way it is intended? I have my opinion on this which I will keep to myself, but the more these “coincidences” arise, the more I am positive that this is the way things are intended for me.
We arrived back at camp for the shower, dress, and go to dinner portion of my day. My friend who does the ordering for the kitchen is doing everything in his power to ensure I have enough food to eat. The dinner tonight was chili dogs, but my friend saw to it that there were items we both could eat. He helped make a very delicious garden salad complete with spinach, lettuce, green peppers, cilantro, tomatoes, jalapenos, and radishes. There was also rice for me to eat, which was an addition. The salad was very good, and so many other inmates raved about it. I certainly had enough rice and corn to fill me up. Once again, everything is working out extraordinarily well for me, and my friend will see to it that I get enough food. I am so grateful for everything in my life and all the great people I have come to know. Quite frankly, I had no idea I would meet great people in a place like this, but I certainly have. My life is great. Before I sign off for today, I would like to say Happy Birthday to my sister-in-law. I hope you had a great day. Happy Birthday!!
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Sunday Does Mean Visit
Last night the conversation turned toward addiction and recovery. Someone had asked the question, “Is an addict always an addict?” Additionally the same person stated, “Doesn’t being in a 12 step program promote the possibility of going out because the therapies are always centered on the addiction?” These are good statements and very thought provoking. I am an addict as a compulsive gambler and believe an addict is always an addict but for myself I am one in recovery. This makes a large difference because I am moving forward not sticking to the past. If all the therapies centered on old gambling exploits there wouldn’t be any recovery. GA is a Program of Recovery and I identify myself as a compulsive gambler in recovery. The stories of old gambling exploits can trigger relapses which is why I focus on the recovery aspect. GA continues to save my life and I am blessed to be a part of this incredible fellowship. I do realize 12 step programs are not for everyone and I cannot explain why. I do know GA works for me as long as I work the Program. Work is a harsh word and I prefer to say “incorporate the Program into my daily affairs.” It is not work for me because it has become my way of life. I have found a Program with so many amazing people which continues to save my life in so many ways.
There have been some very meaningful conversations over the past few days – from religion to recovery. I continue to learn so much and am happy to be part of the conversations, but I make it a point to really listen before speaking. I can learn much more this way. It doesn’t matter where the conversation emanates and I do know these conversations are occurring for a purpose.
Sundays are my day of rest from exercising and I stuck to this plan this morning. I slept in until 6:00 am, showered, watched the news, and went to breakfast. Sundays have also become my predominant visiting day. Two of my very dear friends arrived today for a visit. I have written about these two extraordinary people before and with each visit my love for them grows. They are incredibly generous, warm, giving, and loving people. They were the first ones to arrive in visiting and I quickly made my way down to the visiting area. I am such a fortunate person to have so many wonderful people in my life. These two people warm my heart when I think about them. I have come to know them through he GA Program but my friendship for them is limitless. These are great people doing remarkable things for me.
They came armed with so much food. We snacked on a very tasty cantaloupe along with blue tortilla chips and salsa. Lunch consisted of swordfish and corn on the cob. I did cook the food on the grill with the assistance of my friends. The food was delicious but most importantly the company was perfect. We talked and laughed the entire time of the visit. I love these two dear friends with all my heart. They always make my day when they visit and today was not an exception. I ate so much, I didn’t have room for the watermelon. This visit was indeed exceptional and once again made my day and week.
The visit came to an end as my friends had to head back home. They spent 5 hours of their day with me and I enjoyed every minute. As they departed, we hugged and kissed. The love from these 2 dear friends is incredible. I continue to be a very blessed person with so much happiness in my life. Thanks to the GA Program, my life has been opened up in so many ways - all of which are positive. I would not have met these two dear friends had it not been for the Program which gives in so many different ways and I am eternally grateful. I thank my 2 very special friends for once again brightening my life. I love the two of you very much!
There have been some very meaningful conversations over the past few days – from religion to recovery. I continue to learn so much and am happy to be part of the conversations, but I make it a point to really listen before speaking. I can learn much more this way. It doesn’t matter where the conversation emanates and I do know these conversations are occurring for a purpose.
Sundays are my day of rest from exercising and I stuck to this plan this morning. I slept in until 6:00 am, showered, watched the news, and went to breakfast. Sundays have also become my predominant visiting day. Two of my very dear friends arrived today for a visit. I have written about these two extraordinary people before and with each visit my love for them grows. They are incredibly generous, warm, giving, and loving people. They were the first ones to arrive in visiting and I quickly made my way down to the visiting area. I am such a fortunate person to have so many wonderful people in my life. These two people warm my heart when I think about them. I have come to know them through he GA Program but my friendship for them is limitless. These are great people doing remarkable things for me.
They came armed with so much food. We snacked on a very tasty cantaloupe along with blue tortilla chips and salsa. Lunch consisted of swordfish and corn on the cob. I did cook the food on the grill with the assistance of my friends. The food was delicious but most importantly the company was perfect. We talked and laughed the entire time of the visit. I love these two dear friends with all my heart. They always make my day when they visit and today was not an exception. I ate so much, I didn’t have room for the watermelon. This visit was indeed exceptional and once again made my day and week.
The visit came to an end as my friends had to head back home. They spent 5 hours of their day with me and I enjoyed every minute. As they departed, we hugged and kissed. The love from these 2 dear friends is incredible. I continue to be a very blessed person with so much happiness in my life. Thanks to the GA Program, my life has been opened up in so many ways - all of which are positive. I would not have met these two dear friends had it not been for the Program which gives in so many different ways and I am eternally grateful. I thank my 2 very special friends for once again brightening my life. I love the two of you very much!
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Writing, Writing, Writing
My friend who is the food clerk and the one responsible for the very tasty vegetable marinara sauce acts like my grandmother. He is always wanting me to eat more and thinks I am not getting enough. The ironic thing is he has very similar eating habits to me where he doesn’t eat sweets or fried foods. Before coming into prison he was fanatical about his eating but being in prison the food/calorie options are limited so he isn’t quite as fanatical as I am. Anyhow he is always wanting me to eat more and at breakfast this is very difficult since eggs are served 5 days a week. I cannot bring myself to eat them under any circumstances so (again) ironically I give him my eggs. I succumbed to peer pressure and had 5 waffles and 2 bowls of oatmeal which made my friend very happy and he stopped badgering. My food horizons have expanded into bad things such as cookies and other sweets. I have stated this before but the food I consume is all based on how I feel after eating it and lately I have felt fine after eating an Oreo cookie (I cannot remember the last time I had one of these) so I won’t die from eating these foods. I am quite happy with my diet and I do have plans to expand my diet after my release. This expansion does not include eating more Oreos or cakes but does include chicken and turkey. Once again it all depends how I feel after eating these foods. I am fine when I eat fish so chicken and turkey should not be very different. Long story even longer, I had a lot of food for breakfast.
I didn’t have any visits today as my very treasured friends are coming tomorrow. It is amazing how I have not gone one weekend without having a visit. Saturdays are my day to write and write some more. Since the evenings during the week are so short I leave the majority of my writing for the weekend. I composed 4 letters to 4 very dear friends. The friendships in my life know no bounds or limits. These letters went as far away as Canada, Colorado, and here in California. There are days when I can write forever and today was one of these days. This is so therapeutic in so many ways and helps me get in touch with my feelings. Also, as I write it becomes a stream of consciousness. There are times where things come out of me that I cannot explain. I don’t know how they got there but they did. Today was one of those days. I have come up with my intention for when I am released. This is something that I have thought about for a very long time. In fact I have written about it before. I am keeping this to myself right now but many of you already know. I feel good about this and this is who I am. The key for me is to find something that makes me happy and helps others. I am very excited and this plan will work out the way it is intended to be. As I was writing this thought jumped into my head and I have asked – and I do believe and I will receive all that is intended.
In addition to being a day of writing, Saturday is the day I call my wife. She is without the children as they are living it up in Jamaica with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. My wife is visiting with her sister and had a girl’s night out last night. I had a very good conversation with her today and she had spoken to 2 long friends yesterday. I had asked her to call them when she was out here to let them know my whereabouts. According to my wife, “I had spoken to 2 of the nicest guys yesterday.” She had a wonderful conversation with both of them. I was so happy she was able to talk with these people. There are some other loose ends my wife has to tie up such as the 401K issue which remains in limbo. The connection on the telephone wasn’t the greatest which does seem to irritate me. I have got to get over this because it is something out of my control. We didn’t have a chance to say our good-byes or “I love you” but it is always great to speak with my wife. She is a wonderful person and nothing but good surrounds her as well. I will call my wife next Saturday and have a chance to speak with my children about Jamaica.
I finally finished writing and started reading “Armageddon”. I want to finish this as soon as possible so I can start the latest Harry Potter book. There is an inmate who knows how the book ends and supposedly has a habit of spilling the beans. I am keeping away from any discussion regarding Harry Potter because I don’t want it spoiled. There was a review in the local paper with bold print written across the review were the words “SPOILER ALERT” Needless to say I didn’t read the review and want no hint of any spoilers as I read it. Today was yet another great day and the simplest things such as writing, talking on the telephone, and reading mean the world to me. Once again the day passed quickly.
I didn’t have any visits today as my very treasured friends are coming tomorrow. It is amazing how I have not gone one weekend without having a visit. Saturdays are my day to write and write some more. Since the evenings during the week are so short I leave the majority of my writing for the weekend. I composed 4 letters to 4 very dear friends. The friendships in my life know no bounds or limits. These letters went as far away as Canada, Colorado, and here in California. There are days when I can write forever and today was one of these days. This is so therapeutic in so many ways and helps me get in touch with my feelings. Also, as I write it becomes a stream of consciousness. There are times where things come out of me that I cannot explain. I don’t know how they got there but they did. Today was one of those days. I have come up with my intention for when I am released. This is something that I have thought about for a very long time. In fact I have written about it before. I am keeping this to myself right now but many of you already know. I feel good about this and this is who I am. The key for me is to find something that makes me happy and helps others. I am very excited and this plan will work out the way it is intended to be. As I was writing this thought jumped into my head and I have asked – and I do believe and I will receive all that is intended.
In addition to being a day of writing, Saturday is the day I call my wife. She is without the children as they are living it up in Jamaica with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. My wife is visiting with her sister and had a girl’s night out last night. I had a very good conversation with her today and she had spoken to 2 long friends yesterday. I had asked her to call them when she was out here to let them know my whereabouts. According to my wife, “I had spoken to 2 of the nicest guys yesterday.” She had a wonderful conversation with both of them. I was so happy she was able to talk with these people. There are some other loose ends my wife has to tie up such as the 401K issue which remains in limbo. The connection on the telephone wasn’t the greatest which does seem to irritate me. I have got to get over this because it is something out of my control. We didn’t have a chance to say our good-byes or “I love you” but it is always great to speak with my wife. She is a wonderful person and nothing but good surrounds her as well. I will call my wife next Saturday and have a chance to speak with my children about Jamaica.
I finally finished writing and started reading “Armageddon”. I want to finish this as soon as possible so I can start the latest Harry Potter book. There is an inmate who knows how the book ends and supposedly has a habit of spilling the beans. I am keeping away from any discussion regarding Harry Potter because I don’t want it spoiled. There was a review in the local paper with bold print written across the review were the words “SPOILER ALERT” Needless to say I didn’t read the review and want no hint of any spoilers as I read it. Today was yet another great day and the simplest things such as writing, talking on the telephone, and reading mean the world to me. Once again the day passed quickly.
Friday, August 03, 2007
Another Work Week Down
The fire call on Monday seems to have accelerated the pace of this week because here it is Friday already. The rhythm of the routine seems to be in full swing. It has now been almost two weeks since my family departed from their visit and those 2 weeks have gone by very quickly. I know everything centers around my attitude and with a positive one day in and day out my life is certainly wonderful. Earlier on I dreaded these grade projects and now I look forward to them. Someone was talking to me about coming in camp (which means I would have an in camp job and would no longer be on a fire crew) to work as a porter. I was thinking about this a month ago but ever since I changed my attitude coming in camp does not appeal to me at this time. It does have its advantages such as always being in camp so I wouldn’t have to worry about being here when my mother and sister come to visit in September. Also, I wouldn’t have to worry about when my dear friends come to visit me on the weekends because with in camp position I will always be available for the visits. The disadvantage is the same as the advantage; I could be in camp all the time. I do like getting outside on a daily basis as it breaks up the day. I know I can make either position work because ultimately it is my attitude which determines how I face my lot. The other advantage is I enjoy my crew members; we have a great bunch of guys. Around December of this year a few guys start to parole and I may reconsider coming in camp then. For now, I am enjoying what I am doing.
Today was essentially the same as it was yesterday as we returned to the mountain community to cut the trees and brush. After working outside this afternoon, it was back to camp and somehow a discussion about theology, religion, secret societies, and conspiracies. This was a very enlightening discussion for me because there were certain things I have never understood and after the discussion, I was starting to understand. When it comes to religion I have more questions than answers which has always been the case. I still and will most likely always have more questions then answers when it comes to religion, but I am opening my eyes to a whole new world. There are some very intelligent in this camp and their knowledge base is much deeper than mine. All during the discussion I listened intently and discovered I don’t have strong opinions on religion either way. I know there is much to be discovered but for the time being I am content with my questions. I do believe there is something greater than me and I also believe this is everywhere and in everyone. The discussion lasted until dinner then resumed after. I most certainly learned many things and I am very grateful for the opportunity.
I finished THE SECRET which I found to be fascinating. The movie has got to be very good because the book which was very good. THE SECRET is the law of attraction which means like attracts like or simply stated what one puts out is exactly what one gets back. I have written about this book before knowing only the concept and my attitude and mindset have changed. The key to THE SECRET is a three step process; ask, believe, and receive. In the past I did maintain a positive attitude but I always seemed to have qualifiers such as “hopefully” and “I will.” This sends out mixed signals and I would get back mixed results. These words have been replaced with “I am.” THE SECRET and POWER OF INTENTION have had a profound effect on my life. The items in each book have been circling around me ever since I was born. I just had no idea how to harness them. Now through these two books, I am harnessing these things and my life continues to be wonderful.
I almost forgot to mention the news of the day. As I was waiting to go to breakfast, one of the members from my crew came up to me and said, “You started a trend.” He went on to explain how an employed of a local casino (not the one I worked in) went into the vault and walked out of the casino with between 2 and 6 million dollars. Apparently an employee who worked in the surveillance department walked into the vault and walked out of the casino with this money. He was met by an accomplice who picked him up and drove off. The police have arrested the accomplice who was found with $500,000. in cash but they still haven’t located the person who stole the money. Having worked in casinos for over 12 years, I have a good idea as to how the inner workings mesh together. This employee must have discovered a weakness in the system and exploited this to his gain. This is a crime of circumstance as a good friend has stated to me. In its bare essence, this is thievery and much like me this person is now a thief. There very well could be more to this story then meets the eye, and my guess is he will be caught at sometime.
I can say from experience that if one person could indeed do this then this particular casino has many problems. Vaults inside casinos are much like bank vaults and in some instances, the security and surveillance is so much more. I am interested in reading this story as it plays out. Now – according to my crew members – I have been dropped from my perch as the employee who stole from the casino. This is certainly a good thing!
Today was essentially the same as it was yesterday as we returned to the mountain community to cut the trees and brush. After working outside this afternoon, it was back to camp and somehow a discussion about theology, religion, secret societies, and conspiracies. This was a very enlightening discussion for me because there were certain things I have never understood and after the discussion, I was starting to understand. When it comes to religion I have more questions than answers which has always been the case. I still and will most likely always have more questions then answers when it comes to religion, but I am opening my eyes to a whole new world. There are some very intelligent in this camp and their knowledge base is much deeper than mine. All during the discussion I listened intently and discovered I don’t have strong opinions on religion either way. I know there is much to be discovered but for the time being I am content with my questions. I do believe there is something greater than me and I also believe this is everywhere and in everyone. The discussion lasted until dinner then resumed after. I most certainly learned many things and I am very grateful for the opportunity.
I finished THE SECRET which I found to be fascinating. The movie has got to be very good because the book which was very good. THE SECRET is the law of attraction which means like attracts like or simply stated what one puts out is exactly what one gets back. I have written about this book before knowing only the concept and my attitude and mindset have changed. The key to THE SECRET is a three step process; ask, believe, and receive. In the past I did maintain a positive attitude but I always seemed to have qualifiers such as “hopefully” and “I will.” This sends out mixed signals and I would get back mixed results. These words have been replaced with “I am.” THE SECRET and POWER OF INTENTION have had a profound effect on my life. The items in each book have been circling around me ever since I was born. I just had no idea how to harness them. Now through these two books, I am harnessing these things and my life continues to be wonderful.
I almost forgot to mention the news of the day. As I was waiting to go to breakfast, one of the members from my crew came up to me and said, “You started a trend.” He went on to explain how an employed of a local casino (not the one I worked in) went into the vault and walked out of the casino with between 2 and 6 million dollars. Apparently an employee who worked in the surveillance department walked into the vault and walked out of the casino with this money. He was met by an accomplice who picked him up and drove off. The police have arrested the accomplice who was found with $500,000. in cash but they still haven’t located the person who stole the money. Having worked in casinos for over 12 years, I have a good idea as to how the inner workings mesh together. This employee must have discovered a weakness in the system and exploited this to his gain. This is a crime of circumstance as a good friend has stated to me. In its bare essence, this is thievery and much like me this person is now a thief. There very well could be more to this story then meets the eye, and my guess is he will be caught at sometime.
I can say from experience that if one person could indeed do this then this particular casino has many problems. Vaults inside casinos are much like bank vaults and in some instances, the security and surveillance is so much more. I am interested in reading this story as it plays out. Now – according to my crew members – I have been dropped from my perch as the employee who stole from the casino. This is certainly a good thing!
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Officially 7 Months To Go
Last night when the mail arrived I received one envelope from two of my dear friends. These are the same friends my family stayed with while they visited me a few weeks ago. They wrote me two letters and sent photographs of our respective families during the visit. They have children the same age as my daughter and son. In fact our families are a perfect match. In the grand scheme of my life, our friendship is relatively new; however, they are both like old very beloved friends. I loved receiving the photographs as I have not seen their children in over one year. They are beautiful and have grown so much in the past year. The smiles on each child’s face were indeed priceless. Our children were very happy to se one another and it showed in the photographs. The children did get along great during the visit and I am so grateful and blessed to have such wonderful friends. I have read countless accounts on how inmates look forward to receiving mail. I am so fortunate to have so many special people in my life who keep in touch with me through the mail. I do look forward to mail call each day and last night this was an extra special envelope. Thank you so much for making my day.
Today in the grade we went back out to the mountain community and pruned more trees. This does appear to be a big job and once again there were three crews working on the project. I stayed near the roadside instead of going on the steep hill. I stacked the cut brush and trees along the roadside while talking with one of my crew members. I will continue to say this everyday – these guys on my crew and at this camp are good people. We have made some mistakes but they are all good people. I am so grateful to have been given this opportunity to meet so many good people. Our backgrounds maybe different but for one reason (mostly addiction) or another we all ended up in the same place. I firmly believe this is not an accident or a coincidence, this is exactly how I intended it to be. In the spirit of THE POWER OF INTENTION and THE SECRET, I am here because I wanted to be here. Now, I know so much more about myself and my intentions. I will not return here because my intention is to have a beautiful life and in 7 months from today this beautiful life will include my family on a full-time basis. My family is a huge part of beautiful life and I know we will have many happy years together because this is my intention. I am making it and will continue to make it because of my recovery and my attitude. Gone are the days of “Woe is me” and “Pity my plight.” These have been replaced with I am so thankful for all the wonderful things in my life and I love my life. It gets better and better each day.
The day on the grade was over and it was back to camp. I did get a 20 minute nap on the bus as we returned. I was trying to stay away from writing about food, but today I have no choice because something very good happened. The dinner tonight consisted of spaghetti and a mat sauce. Usually I just take the spaghetti and forego the sauce. Well, it is good to have friends in high places because the other non-meat eater (I believe there are 3 of us – one for religious reasons and 2 of us because we are finicky eaters) who I have become friends with told me he arranged for a marinara sauce for the 3 of us. I was pleasantly surprised to hear this because I did not ask for anything special. In fact, I do my best to keep to myself, but it does appear this is not a well kept secret as most of my feloow inmates and the CO’s know my peculiar eating habits. The sauce was a vegetable marinara sauce complete with mushrooms, peppers, onions, and other assorted vegetables. The sauce was very good and this was the best meal I have had in prison. I am very simple when it comes to food and a very basic spaghetti dinner will suffice for me almost every night of the week. I thanked the cook who prepared the sauce and my friend for thinking of me. This was an excellent dinner. It is funny how I now appreciate so much more and life is so much better this way. It was another great day and in 7 months from today my life will continue to grow brighter.
Today in the grade we went back out to the mountain community and pruned more trees. This does appear to be a big job and once again there were three crews working on the project. I stayed near the roadside instead of going on the steep hill. I stacked the cut brush and trees along the roadside while talking with one of my crew members. I will continue to say this everyday – these guys on my crew and at this camp are good people. We have made some mistakes but they are all good people. I am so grateful to have been given this opportunity to meet so many good people. Our backgrounds maybe different but for one reason (mostly addiction) or another we all ended up in the same place. I firmly believe this is not an accident or a coincidence, this is exactly how I intended it to be. In the spirit of THE POWER OF INTENTION and THE SECRET, I am here because I wanted to be here. Now, I know so much more about myself and my intentions. I will not return here because my intention is to have a beautiful life and in 7 months from today this beautiful life will include my family on a full-time basis. My family is a huge part of beautiful life and I know we will have many happy years together because this is my intention. I am making it and will continue to make it because of my recovery and my attitude. Gone are the days of “Woe is me” and “Pity my plight.” These have been replaced with I am so thankful for all the wonderful things in my life and I love my life. It gets better and better each day.
The day on the grade was over and it was back to camp. I did get a 20 minute nap on the bus as we returned. I was trying to stay away from writing about food, but today I have no choice because something very good happened. The dinner tonight consisted of spaghetti and a mat sauce. Usually I just take the spaghetti and forego the sauce. Well, it is good to have friends in high places because the other non-meat eater (I believe there are 3 of us – one for religious reasons and 2 of us because we are finicky eaters) who I have become friends with told me he arranged for a marinara sauce for the 3 of us. I was pleasantly surprised to hear this because I did not ask for anything special. In fact, I do my best to keep to myself, but it does appear this is not a well kept secret as most of my feloow inmates and the CO’s know my peculiar eating habits. The sauce was a vegetable marinara sauce complete with mushrooms, peppers, onions, and other assorted vegetables. The sauce was very good and this was the best meal I have had in prison. I am very simple when it comes to food and a very basic spaghetti dinner will suffice for me almost every night of the week. I thanked the cook who prepared the sauce and my friend for thinking of me. This was an excellent dinner. It is funny how I now appreciate so much more and life is so much better this way. It was another great day and in 7 months from today my life will continue to grow brighter.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
New Month
I have become a huge fan of the calendar and enjoy it when a page is turned. Today, the calendar has turned the page into another new month. Yes, I do live one day at a time, but in this environment when a full month passes, it does have advantages. Here it is the first of August with only five months remaining in 2007. I cannot wish away this year; although, there are times I would certainly like to do this. I can only learn each day as it passes. I do learn, and I am grateful for this time to get my life back together. Every day is progressing exactly the way it should as a new month is upon me.
The early morning was essentially the same as it had been with one exception; I had company when I ran this morning. Another former PFT instructor was out running this morning, and he pushed me to go faster than I normally do. This was good because it got me out of my comfort zone. I seem to run much like a car with a catalytic converter; meaning I can only go so fast. This other inmate did put in a burst of speed and passed me. I started to run faster, but I could only go so fast. I did catch up to him as he slowed down considerably, and I eventually lapped him a few times. I did welcome the challenge, and I do know I have a great deal of work to do before I am back in marathon shape. I do run for at least 90 minutes three days a week, which is good. I do want to complete two marathons when I get out next year. The two marathons are Los Angeles and New York. The Los Angeles Marathon is a few weeks after my release date in March, and the New York Marathon is the first Sunday in November. After completing these two marathons, I would like to run the Boston Marathon, which would be the end of my marathon running career. My goal in 2005 was these three marathons, but that goal was never achieved. I have been given a second chance, and I will accomplish this goal.
My crew did not return to the same place we were yesterday where we pruned the trees. Our bus needed service, so we were relegated to camp. We were assigned to the field down below the camp to assist with the septic system. We made our way down and waited for the pipe filters to arrive, but they never showed up. Our captain had to find something for us to do, so he took us on a hike. This hike was the same hike I took on Saturday with the exception of only going half way and then coming back. This was a free hike which meant we could go at our own pace. I found myself trailing the lead member for about half of the hike. Then youngest and most athletic member of the crew took the lead. He is half of my age and is a spectacular athlete. I trailed behind him most of the way, but somehow, he slowed down, and I actually got in front on him. I went into a steady jog, and I could hear him coming up from behind me, but suddenly, I didn’t hear him anymore. I got to the top of the hike first, which really surprised me. Not far behind was the extremely athletic member of the crew. He did try to catch me, but he dropped one of his blousers (these keep the bottoms of our pants from dragging on the ground) and had to go back to retrieve it. I am sure if he hadn’t dropped the blouser, he would have caught me. Anyhow, I had bragging rights (which I did not use) since I got to the tope of the hike first. We started on our way back down, and at first, it wasn’t a free hike as the captain was leading the way. About a quarter of the way into it, the captain allowed us to free hike. I well in the back of the line, and it took me a couple of minutes to get around the captain. I was nowhere near the front of the pack, and psychologically, I have a problem with hiking downhill. I need to work on this because I am always afraid of wiping out or turning an ankle. I am much too cautious going downhill. I have no problems with the flat and uphill parts. It is the downhill which gives me trouble. Anyhow, I finished in the middle of the pack, and it was strange because the guys who finished in the front of the pack are all the guys who smoke. This really doesn’t make much sense (or does it?) I did enjoy having a double session workout. I would like to do these crew hikes at least twice a week because it always does provide a challenge. Yes, it is a challenge, and it is also a crew builder as everyone seems to rise to the occasion. These are great guys, and everyone was smiling as we finished the hike.
After the hike, the captain found work for us as we dismantled a fence in the camp. This took the rest of the day. The good part about being in camp was the fact that we all went back to our rooms for lunch. I was able to read “The Secret” while eating my PB sandwich. “The Secret” is also a movie. I believe the movie came before the book, and I look forward to seeing the movie. The Secret is very much like The Power of Intention but much simpler. This is not saying that The Power of Intention is complex. I am just saying The Secret is simpler. The Secret is based on the law of attraction, which means like attracts like, so when you think a thought, you also attract like thoughts. The power in The Secret is to keep everything positive which is based on love. I have only read a few chapters, but I am enjoying what I have read. I firmly believe in this premise as I do in The Power of Intention. In fact, the word “intention” is utilized all throughout The Secret. The Secret has worked already in my life and will continue to work now that I truly understand. I enjoyed reading but did take time during lunch to place a telephone call to my wife. I wanted to ensure our children got off okay on their trip to Jamaica, and they did. I also received good news from my wife as she got a job offer from a local attorney, and the hours are perfect as they do not conflict with the children’s school schedule. I could sense the relief in my wife’s voice. She will be using the time the kids are in Jamaica for herself, which she certainly deserves. It was a great telephone call, and as always is the case, I loved speaking with my wife.
The rest of the day was uneventful with the exception of the posting of payroll for the month of July. We get paid once a month, and the payroll is posted on the first of the month (today). I earned $174, of which 55% will be used as restitution, and most of my crew member earned twice this amount since they were on the eight-day fire campaign while I was on my visit with my family. I would never trade the amount of money when I could spend time with my family. I was happy for my crew mates, and everyone was in a good mood. It was a good day and a good start to a new month.
The early morning was essentially the same as it had been with one exception; I had company when I ran this morning. Another former PFT instructor was out running this morning, and he pushed me to go faster than I normally do. This was good because it got me out of my comfort zone. I seem to run much like a car with a catalytic converter; meaning I can only go so fast. This other inmate did put in a burst of speed and passed me. I started to run faster, but I could only go so fast. I did catch up to him as he slowed down considerably, and I eventually lapped him a few times. I did welcome the challenge, and I do know I have a great deal of work to do before I am back in marathon shape. I do run for at least 90 minutes three days a week, which is good. I do want to complete two marathons when I get out next year. The two marathons are Los Angeles and New York. The Los Angeles Marathon is a few weeks after my release date in March, and the New York Marathon is the first Sunday in November. After completing these two marathons, I would like to run the Boston Marathon, which would be the end of my marathon running career. My goal in 2005 was these three marathons, but that goal was never achieved. I have been given a second chance, and I will accomplish this goal.
My crew did not return to the same place we were yesterday where we pruned the trees. Our bus needed service, so we were relegated to camp. We were assigned to the field down below the camp to assist with the septic system. We made our way down and waited for the pipe filters to arrive, but they never showed up. Our captain had to find something for us to do, so he took us on a hike. This hike was the same hike I took on Saturday with the exception of only going half way and then coming back. This was a free hike which meant we could go at our own pace. I found myself trailing the lead member for about half of the hike. Then youngest and most athletic member of the crew took the lead. He is half of my age and is a spectacular athlete. I trailed behind him most of the way, but somehow, he slowed down, and I actually got in front on him. I went into a steady jog, and I could hear him coming up from behind me, but suddenly, I didn’t hear him anymore. I got to the top of the hike first, which really surprised me. Not far behind was the extremely athletic member of the crew. He did try to catch me, but he dropped one of his blousers (these keep the bottoms of our pants from dragging on the ground) and had to go back to retrieve it. I am sure if he hadn’t dropped the blouser, he would have caught me. Anyhow, I had bragging rights (which I did not use) since I got to the tope of the hike first. We started on our way back down, and at first, it wasn’t a free hike as the captain was leading the way. About a quarter of the way into it, the captain allowed us to free hike. I well in the back of the line, and it took me a couple of minutes to get around the captain. I was nowhere near the front of the pack, and psychologically, I have a problem with hiking downhill. I need to work on this because I am always afraid of wiping out or turning an ankle. I am much too cautious going downhill. I have no problems with the flat and uphill parts. It is the downhill which gives me trouble. Anyhow, I finished in the middle of the pack, and it was strange because the guys who finished in the front of the pack are all the guys who smoke. This really doesn’t make much sense (or does it?) I did enjoy having a double session workout. I would like to do these crew hikes at least twice a week because it always does provide a challenge. Yes, it is a challenge, and it is also a crew builder as everyone seems to rise to the occasion. These are great guys, and everyone was smiling as we finished the hike.
After the hike, the captain found work for us as we dismantled a fence in the camp. This took the rest of the day. The good part about being in camp was the fact that we all went back to our rooms for lunch. I was able to read “The Secret” while eating my PB sandwich. “The Secret” is also a movie. I believe the movie came before the book, and I look forward to seeing the movie. The Secret is very much like The Power of Intention but much simpler. This is not saying that The Power of Intention is complex. I am just saying The Secret is simpler. The Secret is based on the law of attraction, which means like attracts like, so when you think a thought, you also attract like thoughts. The power in The Secret is to keep everything positive which is based on love. I have only read a few chapters, but I am enjoying what I have read. I firmly believe in this premise as I do in The Power of Intention. In fact, the word “intention” is utilized all throughout The Secret. The Secret has worked already in my life and will continue to work now that I truly understand. I enjoyed reading but did take time during lunch to place a telephone call to my wife. I wanted to ensure our children got off okay on their trip to Jamaica, and they did. I also received good news from my wife as she got a job offer from a local attorney, and the hours are perfect as they do not conflict with the children’s school schedule. I could sense the relief in my wife’s voice. She will be using the time the kids are in Jamaica for herself, which she certainly deserves. It was a great telephone call, and as always is the case, I loved speaking with my wife.
The rest of the day was uneventful with the exception of the posting of payroll for the month of July. We get paid once a month, and the payroll is posted on the first of the month (today). I earned $174, of which 55% will be used as restitution, and most of my crew member earned twice this amount since they were on the eight-day fire campaign while I was on my visit with my family. I would never trade the amount of money when I could spend time with my family. I was happy for my crew mates, and everyone was in a good mood. It was a good day and a good start to a new month.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Tree Pruning
With such a fast day on Monday, Tuesday morning rolled around so quickly. I did get up early and exercised since I missed yesterday. I stayed with my normal routine. I felt so good, and comparing it to last Tuesday, I was a full seven minutes ahead of last week. Some days are better than others, and today was one of those good ones.
Breakfast was a peanut-butter-ladened feast as I spread it all over the pancakes (which were the best tasting I have had since arriving here over two months ago) and oatmeal. It seems the food is changing for the better in the dining hall. I do know the food clerk fairly well, and he has informed me of the changes. He was the one who told me about the comment by the C/O the other day). My diet is so limited that the changes really don’t affect me, but it seems even the oatmeal has flavor as brown sugar has been added.
There weren’t any fire calls today, so it was a day on the grade with the regular captain who returned from vacation. The regular captain is a very nice man, but he lacks energy. It is amazing how this lack of energy is transferred to the crew. I was affected by it as well. I found myself lethargic at first and had to constantly motivate myself. I found myself saying negative things, and I had to stop myself. No matter what, energies when dealing with a group setting are contagious in both the negative and positive. I will take positive any day, and I have to check myself from getting negative. The odd fact is the regular captain is not a negative person but he isn’t a positive person. I believe it is his low energy which translates into a negative. It seems not being positive has the same effect as being negative, and I saw it in myself and the crew members today.
The assignment for today was creating a fuel break in a densely wooded area. The idea was to clear about 150 feet of vegetation from the roadside while creating a park-like setting. Essentially, our crew along with two other crews was pruning tress and bushes. My task was to move the cut trees and bushes into a pile along with a separate pile of stacks and stacks of firewood along the side of the road. I’m sure the homeowners will help themselves to the firewood. This appears to be a lengthy project as there is a great deal of area to cut. The great part about our crew is we do work together very well. The area was on a slop3, and the best way to pile up the cut brush was to form a chain between crew members. These are great guys I work with. In fact, everyone I have met a camp is a great guy. I am so impressed with everyone, and I believe everyone should treat these “convicts”, of which I am certainly one, with respect. The lady we passed yesterday at the fire thanked us for the hard work. She may or may not have known we were convicts, but in the end, this did not matter because we are all people. I do believe everyone comes from a very spiritual place, and we hare having a human experience. With that stated, I am fortunate to be associated with outstanding humans.
The day wrapped up but not before the captain asked another crew member and me how much time we have remaining on our sentences. I told him I have seven months remaining, and it seems he is planning ahead as some crew members will be departing soon. I have no aspirations of moving up in the hook line order as I am content with being on a Macleod. I don’t want to learn how to operate a chainsaw, and I will leave this to somebody more deserving. There are guys here who enjoy being a firefighter (not that I don’t), and these guys can pursue a career in firefighting. Even with a conviction on their record, they can rise to the rank of captain. I believe this has happened several times already. I believe this is a great opportunity for anyone. I cannot see myself being a wild land firefighter, but I am enjoying the experience. This experience continues to teach me so much, and I will leave here having learned so many valuable lessons. Also, I know I have much to learn and won’t stop learning when I am long gone from this place. I am grateful for the opportunity, and I continue to meet extraordinary people.
We arrived back at camp 10 minutes later than usual. Then 10 minutes is really not that much, but when there is a schedule to maintain, 10 minutes means something. I had plenty of time to shower prior to dinner, and I even had time to pick up the books my wonderful sister sent me. She sent me “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne and “Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows” by J. K. Rowling. I have been waiting for both of these books, and now they are here. I’ve never read more than one book at a time (I’m not sure why), but I may have to start reading these books in addition to the one I am currently reading (“Armageddon”). I was so excited to receive these books. Thank you so much sister!
Just like that, the second day of the work week had come to an end. I cannot believe how fast these nights go. It seems I get back from the grade, shower, eat, receive mail, write, and it is time to go to sleep. I am grateful that the time is going by so fast. I remember back in Jamestown where I could write the blog and back to any of the letters I received the same day. Now, there are some days where I don’t have the time to write the blog let alone write a letter. Hopefully, this doesn’t come across like complaining because I certainly am not. In fact, I love when the day goes by in the blink of an eye. I do have plenty of time on the weekends to read and write, which is the way it should be. The week is reserved for work, and tomorrow’s hump day is also starting another month. I’m all for closing out one month while starting another month because this means I am that much closer to rejoining my family on a full-time basis. Time moves on, and this is a blessing in my life.
Breakfast was a peanut-butter-ladened feast as I spread it all over the pancakes (which were the best tasting I have had since arriving here over two months ago) and oatmeal. It seems the food is changing for the better in the dining hall. I do know the food clerk fairly well, and he has informed me of the changes. He was the one who told me about the comment by the C/O the other day). My diet is so limited that the changes really don’t affect me, but it seems even the oatmeal has flavor as brown sugar has been added.
There weren’t any fire calls today, so it was a day on the grade with the regular captain who returned from vacation. The regular captain is a very nice man, but he lacks energy. It is amazing how this lack of energy is transferred to the crew. I was affected by it as well. I found myself lethargic at first and had to constantly motivate myself. I found myself saying negative things, and I had to stop myself. No matter what, energies when dealing with a group setting are contagious in both the negative and positive. I will take positive any day, and I have to check myself from getting negative. The odd fact is the regular captain is not a negative person but he isn’t a positive person. I believe it is his low energy which translates into a negative. It seems not being positive has the same effect as being negative, and I saw it in myself and the crew members today.
The assignment for today was creating a fuel break in a densely wooded area. The idea was to clear about 150 feet of vegetation from the roadside while creating a park-like setting. Essentially, our crew along with two other crews was pruning tress and bushes. My task was to move the cut trees and bushes into a pile along with a separate pile of stacks and stacks of firewood along the side of the road. I’m sure the homeowners will help themselves to the firewood. This appears to be a lengthy project as there is a great deal of area to cut. The great part about our crew is we do work together very well. The area was on a slop3, and the best way to pile up the cut brush was to form a chain between crew members. These are great guys I work with. In fact, everyone I have met a camp is a great guy. I am so impressed with everyone, and I believe everyone should treat these “convicts”, of which I am certainly one, with respect. The lady we passed yesterday at the fire thanked us for the hard work. She may or may not have known we were convicts, but in the end, this did not matter because we are all people. I do believe everyone comes from a very spiritual place, and we hare having a human experience. With that stated, I am fortunate to be associated with outstanding humans.
The day wrapped up but not before the captain asked another crew member and me how much time we have remaining on our sentences. I told him I have seven months remaining, and it seems he is planning ahead as some crew members will be departing soon. I have no aspirations of moving up in the hook line order as I am content with being on a Macleod. I don’t want to learn how to operate a chainsaw, and I will leave this to somebody more deserving. There are guys here who enjoy being a firefighter (not that I don’t), and these guys can pursue a career in firefighting. Even with a conviction on their record, they can rise to the rank of captain. I believe this has happened several times already. I believe this is a great opportunity for anyone. I cannot see myself being a wild land firefighter, but I am enjoying the experience. This experience continues to teach me so much, and I will leave here having learned so many valuable lessons. Also, I know I have much to learn and won’t stop learning when I am long gone from this place. I am grateful for the opportunity, and I continue to meet extraordinary people.
We arrived back at camp 10 minutes later than usual. Then 10 minutes is really not that much, but when there is a schedule to maintain, 10 minutes means something. I had plenty of time to shower prior to dinner, and I even had time to pick up the books my wonderful sister sent me. She sent me “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne and “Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows” by J. K. Rowling. I have been waiting for both of these books, and now they are here. I’ve never read more than one book at a time (I’m not sure why), but I may have to start reading these books in addition to the one I am currently reading (“Armageddon”). I was so excited to receive these books. Thank you so much sister!
Just like that, the second day of the work week had come to an end. I cannot believe how fast these nights go. It seems I get back from the grade, shower, eat, receive mail, write, and it is time to go to sleep. I am grateful that the time is going by so fast. I remember back in Jamestown where I could write the blog and back to any of the letters I received the same day. Now, there are some days where I don’t have the time to write the blog let alone write a letter. Hopefully, this doesn’t come across like complaining because I certainly am not. In fact, I love when the day goes by in the blink of an eye. I do have plenty of time on the weekends to read and write, which is the way it should be. The week is reserved for work, and tomorrow’s hump day is also starting another month. I’m all for closing out one month while starting another month because this means I am that much closer to rejoining my family on a full-time basis. Time moves on, and this is a blessing in my life.
Monday, July 30, 2007
First Local Fire
The fire alarm sounded yesterday afternoon, and three crews (none of which were my crew) went off to a local fire. Normally, these fire alarms for the local fires are false alarms, so I didn’t pay much attention as the crews departed. Also, since my crew has so many more fire hours than the other crews, I thought my crew would remain in camp for awhile. Yesterday afternoon went on, and the crews did not return. I came to find out that the fire was located in the same town where I used to live. I was given the address, and thankfully, it wasn’t near a densely populated residential area. There are a few rolling hills in the town and still some undeveloped area, which is where I thought the fire was located.
The rest of yesterday (Sunday) was very uneventful. I had dinner in the dining hall, and with the three crews out, there was plenty of room. Additionally, the camp was very quiet. It is usually quiet when all the crews are in camp, but now with three crews missing, it was extremely quiet. I stayed outside enjoying the sunset. I was talking with a few other inmates and came to find out that the C/O who gave me so many problems when I first arrived here regarding the family visit actually suggested to add more rice and beans for the “skinny guy who runs all the time.” Incidentally, now this C/O is extremely cordial every time I am seen. I was shocked to find this out, and it was a very pleasant shock. In fact, I was touched. I was touched because I did not request any of this, yet the C/O has gone out of his way to ensure I am getting enough food. I continue to be amazed as to how well everything is working out. There are only positive energies in my life.
I went to sleep after starting the 11th installment of the “Left Behind” series, “Armageddon” (Thanks Mom). Thankfully, each book starts with the ending of the previous installment because I did forget where I left off but was reminded very well. As I went to sleep, I was thinking about how it was the start of another new work week and one month (July) will be concluding this week. Time does go by quickly. I fell asleep and had my usual night’s sleep. I do my best to wake up at 5:00 a.m. so I can start my day. Invariably, almost every day I am awake before this, and today was no exception. As I stayed in my bed, I heard the voice of a C/O coming from the end of the hall. This never happens, and it is highly unusual. I wondered why the C/O (the same one I referred to earlier) chose to have a conversation with an inmate at 4:30 in the morning. The conversation continued, but strangely, the C/O kept walking down the hall. About three rooms before my room, I heard the words “fire call”. Now this made sense, and the C/O was waking all of my crew members up so we could respond to a fire call. Of course, my first reaction was I would miss my Monday morning run, but I wasn’t devastated. My roommate did have a good quote as the C/O woke him up, “Are you sure you have the right crew?” This was a very valid question because none of expected to respond to a fire call at 4:30 in the morning. Yes, they did have the right crew, and as it turns out, we were to relieve one of the crews which departed yesterday for the local. This would be my first local fire, and I would have the opportunity to see where the fire was located.
The fire calls are very interesting because there is a great deal of hurrying accompanied by a great deal of waiting. I hurried to get dressed and was one of the first inmates ready (mostly due to the fact I was already awake while many of my crew members were sleeping). My sleeping patterns do make me a good “get-ready” firefighter because I never seem to be in a deep sleep. I went outside and discovered we were going to be fed breakfast before we departed. Apparently, there was no hurry, and we all went to breakfast at 5:00 a.m. We had what is called a “fire breakfast.” There was a ridiculous amount of food on the tray. I don’t know anyone who ate all of the food on the tray. I ate the very tasty granola along with the hash browns. I couldn’t give away the eggs or chicken. I must say the State of California does provide ample calories when fighting a fire. I discovered that the state provides 5000 calories per day when fighting a fire. This was told to me by our captain, and this number could even be low because sometimes we are given double lunches.
Breakfast was over, and we boarded the fire bus. Upon entering the fire bus, we were given a sack lunch which, once again, had a ridiculous amount of food. I always look for the protein bars and was happy to discover a “Tiger’s Milk” protein bar which I used to eat all the time. Before entering the bus, I did put on my fire-protective clothing. The ride to the fire wasn’t very long, only 45 minutes, and when we reached the area, I did know it fairly well. The fire area was only seven miles from where my house was located. This area was an open area, but there were a few residential houses located nearby. The fire was essentially out when my crew arrived as the other crews did work through the night containing the fire.
We finally received our assignment after a two-hour wait. As we were en route to the assignment area, I could hear someone call out form a nearby car, “Thank you for saving our homes. You guys did a great job.” This was incredibly nice, and although my crew hadn’t done any work up to this point, the comment was directed at all the firefighters, both professional and inmates, who had worked to contain the fire. This is a rewarding job, and people do appreciate the hard work the firefighters put in. I was touched by the comment.
This was my third wildfire, and just like the two previous fires, the first thing I noticed was the smell and then the blackened wild land. The smell is remarkable, and even though the fire was out, the smell hung in the air. The fire wasn’t very big (190 acres), and fortunately, no one was injured and no structures were destroyed. Our assignment was to walk the burned area looking for hot spots. I have done this before, and when a hot spot is discovered, we are requested to rake the area exposing the hot spot. If the hot spot is extremely hot and ignites, a hose line is called in, and the area is doused with water. While walking on the burned area, I could feel the heat emanating from the ground, and I have to be careful not to stand in one place too long or my boots will melt. This task was complete, and a few hose lines were called in. I did get in a minimal hike and wanted to go higher on the hill, but this portion was covered by another crew.
Most of our work was done by lunchtime, so we found some shade to eat our lunches. We were given another lunch when we arrived at the fire, and I think this lunch contained 5000 calories, itself. There were two rather large sandwiches (ham & cheese and Tuna & cheddar) which I couldn’t even give away. I ate my usual PB&J sandwich, an apple, and a cereal bar. After lunch, our assignment was to remain in the shade and watch the fire line. The winds were supposed to pick up in the afternoon, and someone had to be there if somehow the fire started up again. The winds did pick up, but thankfully, the fire stayed dormant. We weren’t required to do anything until 3:00 p.m., so most of us (including me) took a nap under the trees. I slept for an hour and then got up to walk around. The captain was positioned up in the shade just watching the fire line. Again nothing happened, and when 3:00 p.m. arrived, our task was to pick up the fire hoses on the hill and all around the fire line. This gave me an opportunity to hike a little. Once again, I wanted to go higher on the hill, but one of the professional firefighters was there already. Oh well, I did walk back down with one of the hoses. I remember when I was a kid my father, who is a retired firefighter) would use a fire hose to fill up our swimming pool. I remember that this fire hose was very heavy. It seems things have changed in 35 years because these fire hoses (without water in them of course) are extremely light; either I have gotten stronger, or the hoses have gotten less heavy, or a combination of both. Anyhow, all the hoses were gathered up and rolled by the professional firefighters.
As we finished helping with the rolling of the hoses, our assignment was coming to an end. At this point, we were waiting around to be released from the fire. Of course, there was some waiting around as is always the case. We found the same tree-shaded area. Finally, word came we went back to the place where we waited in the morning for (you guessed it) more waiting. After 30 minutes, we were officially released from the fire and headed back to camp.
We arrived back at camp 14 hours from when the day officially started. The last course of action was the “fire dinner” to complete the ungodly amount of food. The “fire dinner” consisted of grilled steak and grilled chicken along with roasted potatoes, beans, salad, summer salad, ice cream, soda, chocolate bar, and a dinner roll. Everyone raved about the steak and chicken. I, of course, did give mine away and still had plenty to eat. This was the end to a very good Monday and a great start to the week.
The rest of yesterday (Sunday) was very uneventful. I had dinner in the dining hall, and with the three crews out, there was plenty of room. Additionally, the camp was very quiet. It is usually quiet when all the crews are in camp, but now with three crews missing, it was extremely quiet. I stayed outside enjoying the sunset. I was talking with a few other inmates and came to find out that the C/O who gave me so many problems when I first arrived here regarding the family visit actually suggested to add more rice and beans for the “skinny guy who runs all the time.” Incidentally, now this C/O is extremely cordial every time I am seen. I was shocked to find this out, and it was a very pleasant shock. In fact, I was touched. I was touched because I did not request any of this, yet the C/O has gone out of his way to ensure I am getting enough food. I continue to be amazed as to how well everything is working out. There are only positive energies in my life.
I went to sleep after starting the 11th installment of the “Left Behind” series, “Armageddon” (Thanks Mom). Thankfully, each book starts with the ending of the previous installment because I did forget where I left off but was reminded very well. As I went to sleep, I was thinking about how it was the start of another new work week and one month (July) will be concluding this week. Time does go by quickly. I fell asleep and had my usual night’s sleep. I do my best to wake up at 5:00 a.m. so I can start my day. Invariably, almost every day I am awake before this, and today was no exception. As I stayed in my bed, I heard the voice of a C/O coming from the end of the hall. This never happens, and it is highly unusual. I wondered why the C/O (the same one I referred to earlier) chose to have a conversation with an inmate at 4:30 in the morning. The conversation continued, but strangely, the C/O kept walking down the hall. About three rooms before my room, I heard the words “fire call”. Now this made sense, and the C/O was waking all of my crew members up so we could respond to a fire call. Of course, my first reaction was I would miss my Monday morning run, but I wasn’t devastated. My roommate did have a good quote as the C/O woke him up, “Are you sure you have the right crew?” This was a very valid question because none of expected to respond to a fire call at 4:30 in the morning. Yes, they did have the right crew, and as it turns out, we were to relieve one of the crews which departed yesterday for the local. This would be my first local fire, and I would have the opportunity to see where the fire was located.
The fire calls are very interesting because there is a great deal of hurrying accompanied by a great deal of waiting. I hurried to get dressed and was one of the first inmates ready (mostly due to the fact I was already awake while many of my crew members were sleeping). My sleeping patterns do make me a good “get-ready” firefighter because I never seem to be in a deep sleep. I went outside and discovered we were going to be fed breakfast before we departed. Apparently, there was no hurry, and we all went to breakfast at 5:00 a.m. We had what is called a “fire breakfast.” There was a ridiculous amount of food on the tray. I don’t know anyone who ate all of the food on the tray. I ate the very tasty granola along with the hash browns. I couldn’t give away the eggs or chicken. I must say the State of California does provide ample calories when fighting a fire. I discovered that the state provides 5000 calories per day when fighting a fire. This was told to me by our captain, and this number could even be low because sometimes we are given double lunches.
Breakfast was over, and we boarded the fire bus. Upon entering the fire bus, we were given a sack lunch which, once again, had a ridiculous amount of food. I always look for the protein bars and was happy to discover a “Tiger’s Milk” protein bar which I used to eat all the time. Before entering the bus, I did put on my fire-protective clothing. The ride to the fire wasn’t very long, only 45 minutes, and when we reached the area, I did know it fairly well. The fire area was only seven miles from where my house was located. This area was an open area, but there were a few residential houses located nearby. The fire was essentially out when my crew arrived as the other crews did work through the night containing the fire.
We finally received our assignment after a two-hour wait. As we were en route to the assignment area, I could hear someone call out form a nearby car, “Thank you for saving our homes. You guys did a great job.” This was incredibly nice, and although my crew hadn’t done any work up to this point, the comment was directed at all the firefighters, both professional and inmates, who had worked to contain the fire. This is a rewarding job, and people do appreciate the hard work the firefighters put in. I was touched by the comment.
This was my third wildfire, and just like the two previous fires, the first thing I noticed was the smell and then the blackened wild land. The smell is remarkable, and even though the fire was out, the smell hung in the air. The fire wasn’t very big (190 acres), and fortunately, no one was injured and no structures were destroyed. Our assignment was to walk the burned area looking for hot spots. I have done this before, and when a hot spot is discovered, we are requested to rake the area exposing the hot spot. If the hot spot is extremely hot and ignites, a hose line is called in, and the area is doused with water. While walking on the burned area, I could feel the heat emanating from the ground, and I have to be careful not to stand in one place too long or my boots will melt. This task was complete, and a few hose lines were called in. I did get in a minimal hike and wanted to go higher on the hill, but this portion was covered by another crew.
Most of our work was done by lunchtime, so we found some shade to eat our lunches. We were given another lunch when we arrived at the fire, and I think this lunch contained 5000 calories, itself. There were two rather large sandwiches (ham & cheese and Tuna & cheddar) which I couldn’t even give away. I ate my usual PB&J sandwich, an apple, and a cereal bar. After lunch, our assignment was to remain in the shade and watch the fire line. The winds were supposed to pick up in the afternoon, and someone had to be there if somehow the fire started up again. The winds did pick up, but thankfully, the fire stayed dormant. We weren’t required to do anything until 3:00 p.m., so most of us (including me) took a nap under the trees. I slept for an hour and then got up to walk around. The captain was positioned up in the shade just watching the fire line. Again nothing happened, and when 3:00 p.m. arrived, our task was to pick up the fire hoses on the hill and all around the fire line. This gave me an opportunity to hike a little. Once again, I wanted to go higher on the hill, but one of the professional firefighters was there already. Oh well, I did walk back down with one of the hoses. I remember when I was a kid my father, who is a retired firefighter) would use a fire hose to fill up our swimming pool. I remember that this fire hose was very heavy. It seems things have changed in 35 years because these fire hoses (without water in them of course) are extremely light; either I have gotten stronger, or the hoses have gotten less heavy, or a combination of both. Anyhow, all the hoses were gathered up and rolled by the professional firefighters.
As we finished helping with the rolling of the hoses, our assignment was coming to an end. At this point, we were waiting around to be released from the fire. Of course, there was some waiting around as is always the case. We found the same tree-shaded area. Finally, word came we went back to the place where we waited in the morning for (you guessed it) more waiting. After 30 minutes, we were officially released from the fire and headed back to camp.
We arrived back at camp 14 hours from when the day officially started. The last course of action was the “fire dinner” to complete the ungodly amount of food. The “fire dinner” consisted of grilled steak and grilled chicken along with roasted potatoes, beans, salad, summer salad, ice cream, soda, chocolate bar, and a dinner roll. Everyone raved about the steak and chicken. I, of course, did give mine away and still had plenty to eat. This was the end to a very good Monday and a great start to the week.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Full Table
I look forward to the GA meeting/visit so much. Today we held another installment of this meeting. I took my usual perch at 8:30 am when the visiting yard opens. I was stationed at an area where I could see everyone who was coming in. I noticed 3 of my dear friends entering. Normally there are 4 or 5 who come so I was hoping nothing happened to my other friends. My name was announced over the PA system and I made my way down to the visiting area. I reached the visiting area and saw a table filled with 7 of my dear friends from GA. I was blown away by the love and support from these wonderful people. Two members who I haven’t seen before arriving in prison were at the meeting. It was great to see them as well as everyone else. These are great people doing remarkable things and these touch my life in so many different ways.
I greeted everyone with a warm embrace. I could feel the love emanating from each one of them as I entered the visiting yard. As we hugged, I could feel the love from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head. They come with so much food; they could have fed the entire camp. The food is wonderful and the fact that they were here working the essence of the GA Program meant the most to me. Step 5 of the Unity Program states “Gamblers Anonymous has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to the compulsive gambler who still suffers.” My cherished friends were doing just this. They brought the Program to me and I am forever grateful for each and everyone of them.
The meeting commenced and the words are so powerful. I have been given an opportunity to truly change my life and 2 years and 5 months into this Program, everything continues to get better. This morning was incredible and there is no doubt in my mind that the Program works if you work it and it never fails I always learn something at every meeting. There were so many things stated and each of them rang true. Sure I kind of stood out in my orange garb, but I was just like everyone else – a compulsive gambler in recovery.
As always it was a fantastic way to spend a Sunday. The meeting/visit lasted 1 ½ hours and did want everyone to stay all day (yes, I was being selfish, so sorry) but I understand everyone has lives to lead. I was extremely grateful for the meeting and I love everyone. I love the GA Program because it saves and enhances my life everyday. Without the Program, I would be lost but now I have discovered a great life which is to live one day at a time. I would like to accelerate those days in order to reach March 2nd but this is not possible. I will continue to enjoy each and everyday. Today was one of the exceptional days all thanks to my beloved friends.
The meeting/visit came to an end and my dear friends departed. I walked back to camp with a broad smile on my face. It was just one week ago that I made this walk as my family departed for the final time. The week did pass soon enough and as the GA Combo Book states, “BE PATIENT! The days and weeks will pass soon enough and as you regularly attend meetings, abstain from gambling and follow the guidelines on this page, you will experience continued recovery.” I am experiencing this continuing recovery all thanks to the GA Program and the incredible people within the Program!
I greeted everyone with a warm embrace. I could feel the love emanating from each one of them as I entered the visiting yard. As we hugged, I could feel the love from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head. They come with so much food; they could have fed the entire camp. The food is wonderful and the fact that they were here working the essence of the GA Program meant the most to me. Step 5 of the Unity Program states “Gamblers Anonymous has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to the compulsive gambler who still suffers.” My cherished friends were doing just this. They brought the Program to me and I am forever grateful for each and everyone of them.
The meeting commenced and the words are so powerful. I have been given an opportunity to truly change my life and 2 years and 5 months into this Program, everything continues to get better. This morning was incredible and there is no doubt in my mind that the Program works if you work it and it never fails I always learn something at every meeting. There were so many things stated and each of them rang true. Sure I kind of stood out in my orange garb, but I was just like everyone else – a compulsive gambler in recovery.
As always it was a fantastic way to spend a Sunday. The meeting/visit lasted 1 ½ hours and did want everyone to stay all day (yes, I was being selfish, so sorry) but I understand everyone has lives to lead. I was extremely grateful for the meeting and I love everyone. I love the GA Program because it saves and enhances my life everyday. Without the Program, I would be lost but now I have discovered a great life which is to live one day at a time. I would like to accelerate those days in order to reach March 2nd but this is not possible. I will continue to enjoy each and everyday. Today was one of the exceptional days all thanks to my beloved friends.
The meeting/visit came to an end and my dear friends departed. I walked back to camp with a broad smile on my face. It was just one week ago that I made this walk as my family departed for the final time. The week did pass soon enough and as the GA Combo Book states, “BE PATIENT! The days and weeks will pass soon enough and as you regularly attend meetings, abstain from gambling and follow the guidelines on this page, you will experience continued recovery.” I am experiencing this continuing recovery all thanks to the GA Program and the incredible people within the Program!
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Saturday Hike
I have heard about these Saturday hikes since I arrived here 2 months ago. I have been unable to go on any of these because I have had visits. However, today I was not expecting anyone as my dear friends from GA are coming tomorrow for the GA meeting. Essentially I had a free day and was looking forward to the hike which commenced a few minutes after breakfast. The hike was guided by one of the Fire Captains – a different one. Instead of leading the hike, the Captain let each of us go at our own pace. This is different from a regular crew hike and much like the nature hike my crew took a month and a half ago. Some of the guys wore their backpacks which I did not. I really didn’t want to go into the bus and retrieve it which is all the way in the back. Also, I was looking forward to a hike without a backpack because I had not been on this particular hike. I have been on part of it but the Captain reversed the direction for a higher degree of difficulty.
I started out slow as some of the guys went into a jog. I remained behind one of the guys I know who was wearing his backpack. About halfway through the hike, I decided to pass him because I was approaching part of the hike I was familiar with. I couldn’t catch up to one of the guys who went into a full jog but was the second to arrive at the bottom. Hiking is extremely different from running or jogging. Some of the inclines cause me to breathe very heavily. I rarely do this when I am running. Sometimes while hiking, I get too caught up in my heavy breathing and I must learn to relax. Also, some of the terrain is treacherous along with being hard on my quadriceps. It was a very good hike. Not quite one “hike of the century” but a good addition to my workout. Earlier this morning, I did an hour and 20 minutes on the Harvard Wall. I only did this amount because I knew I would be hiking. I am in no way the best hiker in camp, but I do okay for a 41-year-old career accountant who weighs 145 pounds.
I am glad I went on the hike because it was a great way to spend an hour on a Saturday morning. The views were magnificent and I was communing with nature. Upon my arrival back to camp, I needed a shower as I was very sweaty. I was required to wear my long pants and long shirt along with my boots on the hike. The temperature was in the upper 80’s so I did work-up a good sweat. After the shower I commenced my Saturday letter writing session. This is another great way to spend a Saturday. In between my letter writing, I called y wife once again to speak with my children. My children sounded great and they are living very normal lives. Both my daughter and son are very much looking forward to their Jamaican trip next week. They depart very early (5:00 am) Wednesday morning and will be there until Monday. I wished them a great time and I can’t wait to hear all about it. Just as when I spoke with my wife last night, after hearing my children’s voices, I missed them so much. I won’t see them until next March but I do know they are in great hands and will have an incredible time in NJ as they are surrounded by nothing but love and support. I am a blessed person and these blessings are absolutely wonderful.
I started out slow as some of the guys went into a jog. I remained behind one of the guys I know who was wearing his backpack. About halfway through the hike, I decided to pass him because I was approaching part of the hike I was familiar with. I couldn’t catch up to one of the guys who went into a full jog but was the second to arrive at the bottom. Hiking is extremely different from running or jogging. Some of the inclines cause me to breathe very heavily. I rarely do this when I am running. Sometimes while hiking, I get too caught up in my heavy breathing and I must learn to relax. Also, some of the terrain is treacherous along with being hard on my quadriceps. It was a very good hike. Not quite one “hike of the century” but a good addition to my workout. Earlier this morning, I did an hour and 20 minutes on the Harvard Wall. I only did this amount because I knew I would be hiking. I am in no way the best hiker in camp, but I do okay for a 41-year-old career accountant who weighs 145 pounds.
I am glad I went on the hike because it was a great way to spend an hour on a Saturday morning. The views were magnificent and I was communing with nature. Upon my arrival back to camp, I needed a shower as I was very sweaty. I was required to wear my long pants and long shirt along with my boots on the hike. The temperature was in the upper 80’s so I did work-up a good sweat. After the shower I commenced my Saturday letter writing session. This is another great way to spend a Saturday. In between my letter writing, I called y wife once again to speak with my children. My children sounded great and they are living very normal lives. Both my daughter and son are very much looking forward to their Jamaican trip next week. They depart very early (5:00 am) Wednesday morning and will be there until Monday. I wished them a great time and I can’t wait to hear all about it. Just as when I spoke with my wife last night, after hearing my children’s voices, I missed them so much. I won’t see them until next March but I do know they are in great hands and will have an incredible time in NJ as they are surrounded by nothing but love and support. I am a blessed person and these blessings are absolutely wonderful.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Installing a Gate
The question is – how many inmates, firefighters, and Captains does it take to install a rather large heavy metal gate to protect the entrance of a Desert State Park? Answer: “Many.” The assignment today under a different Captain was to install a gate and put up barbed wire surrounding the gate. The hardest part about this was digging the holes for the gateposts. This was an entrance to a Desert State Park so the ground was very hard. It took a jackhammer to penetrate the dirt. I continue to be impressed by my crew members as one member exclusively operated his jack hammer to all morning into the afternoon. I know I wouldn’t stand a chance against this jack hammer as it would destroy me. My crew mate almost made it look easy which it certainly was not.
The holes were dug and it was time to pour the cement. I sort of kept out of the way because all of this was a learning experience for me. I fetched whatever was needed and kept the area cleared. With one hole about 4 foot – filled with concrete, we had another hole to go. However, we utilized our water supply and had to wait for a local fire engine truck to bring us the water as we were far from civilization. In the meantime there was plenty of work for everyone and my crew mates work very well as a team. Everyone pitched together and the project was moving along.
The engine truck arrived and we could mix the remaining bags of cement. The other hole was dug a little too deep so with the ingenuity of one of the Captains and a few crew members, the hole was sured up. I was very impressed to see this project complete. In the morning when we arrived there was a broken gate with damaged barbed wire. Now only 5 hours later, there was a brand new gate with fully functional wire. The crew did an exceptional job and although today’s Captain did not display the high energy of the previous Captain, the job was still accomplished. I could see a difference in myself under this Captain as opposed to the other one. I cannot depend on others for motivation and ultimately it is up to me to maintain high energy with a positive attitude. I have the positive attitude but I need to work on the high energy daily.
I don’t know what has gotten into me lately, but all this week I can’t keep my eyes open when riding on the bus. After only a few minutes, I seem to fall off to sleep (maybe my normal sleeping pattern is catching up to me). Instead of fighting this like I have in the past, I made an impromptu pillow – my fire gear bottoms – and laid my head against the side of the bus. I did find myself drooling which was a bit embarrassing. I don’t have anything to be embarrassed about because my crew members don’t care, but I guess this was my natural reaction. Anyhow, I managed to get about an hour’s worth of nap while riding on the bus. I did feel better when I got back into camp.
Tonight I had a telephone call to my wife who was back in NJ after spending two weeks in Southern Cal. Wow, that was fast. It seems just like yesterday I was looking forward to their arrival. Now they are already back in NJ. I did speak with my wife who was at my mother’s house celebrating my Grandmother’s 85th birthday. Happy Birthday, Gram! My wife added another day to her trip returning Thursday instead of Wednesday. This was a great idea because they all needed some decompression time from our visit. My wife was finally able to relax and go out with her dear friend. I have to take this opportunity to thank our dear friends who have helped me out and my family tremendously. They not only provided a place to stay for my family while they were here, but my wife was able to spend some alone time with her friend. Thank you so much for all the love and support. Also, it was wonderful seeing them last week as they came for a visit.
My family had a great trip and now my children will be going to Jamaica with my family next week. My wife will stay back in NJ and hopefully get much needed rest while the children are away. It was great to hear my wife’s voice and I did ask her if she would come back out just herself for a family visit in October or November. Our 15th wedding anniversary is in October and it would be great to see her on or around our actual anniversary. Another of our dear friends offered my wife a free airline ticket so her cost would be minimized. I told my wife to think about it and she will bet me know. I certainly miss her tremendously and having her back out here in 3 or 4 months would be great. If not – so be it. I will see her on March 2, 2008 in civilian clothes and we may even head to Starbuck’s on our way home.
The holes were dug and it was time to pour the cement. I sort of kept out of the way because all of this was a learning experience for me. I fetched whatever was needed and kept the area cleared. With one hole about 4 foot – filled with concrete, we had another hole to go. However, we utilized our water supply and had to wait for a local fire engine truck to bring us the water as we were far from civilization. In the meantime there was plenty of work for everyone and my crew mates work very well as a team. Everyone pitched together and the project was moving along.
The engine truck arrived and we could mix the remaining bags of cement. The other hole was dug a little too deep so with the ingenuity of one of the Captains and a few crew members, the hole was sured up. I was very impressed to see this project complete. In the morning when we arrived there was a broken gate with damaged barbed wire. Now only 5 hours later, there was a brand new gate with fully functional wire. The crew did an exceptional job and although today’s Captain did not display the high energy of the previous Captain, the job was still accomplished. I could see a difference in myself under this Captain as opposed to the other one. I cannot depend on others for motivation and ultimately it is up to me to maintain high energy with a positive attitude. I have the positive attitude but I need to work on the high energy daily.
I don’t know what has gotten into me lately, but all this week I can’t keep my eyes open when riding on the bus. After only a few minutes, I seem to fall off to sleep (maybe my normal sleeping pattern is catching up to me). Instead of fighting this like I have in the past, I made an impromptu pillow – my fire gear bottoms – and laid my head against the side of the bus. I did find myself drooling which was a bit embarrassing. I don’t have anything to be embarrassed about because my crew members don’t care, but I guess this was my natural reaction. Anyhow, I managed to get about an hour’s worth of nap while riding on the bus. I did feel better when I got back into camp.
Tonight I had a telephone call to my wife who was back in NJ after spending two weeks in Southern Cal. Wow, that was fast. It seems just like yesterday I was looking forward to their arrival. Now they are already back in NJ. I did speak with my wife who was at my mother’s house celebrating my Grandmother’s 85th birthday. Happy Birthday, Gram! My wife added another day to her trip returning Thursday instead of Wednesday. This was a great idea because they all needed some decompression time from our visit. My wife was finally able to relax and go out with her dear friend. I have to take this opportunity to thank our dear friends who have helped me out and my family tremendously. They not only provided a place to stay for my family while they were here, but my wife was able to spend some alone time with her friend. Thank you so much for all the love and support. Also, it was wonderful seeing them last week as they came for a visit.
My family had a great trip and now my children will be going to Jamaica with my family next week. My wife will stay back in NJ and hopefully get much needed rest while the children are away. It was great to hear my wife’s voice and I did ask her if she would come back out just herself for a family visit in October or November. Our 15th wedding anniversary is in October and it would be great to see her on or around our actual anniversary. Another of our dear friends offered my wife a free airline ticket so her cost would be minimized. I told my wife to think about it and she will bet me know. I certainly miss her tremendously and having her back out here in 3 or 4 months would be great. If not – so be it. I will see her on March 2, 2008 in civilian clothes and we may even head to Starbuck’s on our way home.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Three More Days
Today was a fascinating day out on the grade which means the crew’s project for the day. My crew once again had the very high energy replacement Captain. He displayed much of this as he took us through a fire readiness training day. He drove to the same site we have been at all week and we were in the same vicinity of the Oleander bushes. I clearly assumed we were going to cut down more bushes. This was not the case. As soon as we arrived at the destination, the Captain called out, “I want everyone in full gear and you have five minutes.” This surprised me and most of our crew members. It is fascinating how 15 men in a very close space can get fire reading in 5 minutes. There really isn’t much room to maneuver on the bus so some of us went outside to put on the gear. When it was all said and done, according to the Captain, our readiness was “pathetic”. It took well over the allotted 5 minutes and much closer to 8 minutes.
The Captain then inspected each and everyone of us. He proceeded to display his high energy as he went into a Vince Lombardi like tirade. The good thing about the tirade was it wasn’t directed at any of us. This was a collective tirade espousing how important it is to have all the proper equipment in all the proper places. I didn’t know any of this so it was a good learning experience for me. The Captain went on with his speech for a solid 20 minutes. This man was so passionate about what he was talking about, his face grew red and the veins in his neck bulged. It took well over an hour to go through the inspection. Yes, the temperature was well into the 90’s and I was standing out there in very heavy clothing along with a 40 plus backpack on my back. However, this is all a part of being an inmate/firefighter. As the Captain reiterated time and time again we are firefighters first and foremost. His mission is safety and I do feel safe with him leading the way on any fire campaigns. This Captain has been associated with a few tragedies and it was clear he learned a great deal from these experiences and was conveying this to the crew.
It was a fascinating morning because after the gear inspection, the Captain organized the inside of the bus. Instead of us cutting down Oleander bushes, the Captain took it upon himself to ensure we were fully prepared for a wildfire. He did mention something about a State Assembly Bill which was passed in 2002 that states that a person or persons leading firefighters is civility responsible for the safety of the crew. If something goes wrong on a fire and crew members are hurt, the Captain can be civilly sued for the mishap. This Captain took this bill very personally and he was doing everything in is power to ensure the crew knew what they were doing. This was very good to see and it was also great to see how much the Captain cared about his job. He has been doing this for over 30 years and instead of burning out – he cared very much.
Most of the day was rearranging and cleaning the bus. We headed back to camp and about 10 minutes from camp, the Captain stopped the bus in the middle of the road and called out, “Everyone, full gear and you have 5 minutes.” Once again there was a rush to get ready and the energy level this time was much higher than earlier in the morning. We did get ready in the 5 minute time span and the Captain complimented us. He is very passionate about what he does and it shows. I’m not sure how often we will have this Captain because our regular Captain comes back next week and new shifts change. Even if we don’t have the replacement Captain again, he has left a lasting impression with me.
When we arrived back in camp, I noticed the Counselor was here. She arrives every two weeks on Thursday and I was looking forward to seeing her so I could obtain my new official release date. Much to my surprise, my name was called to see her. The Counselor called me to the office to give me my arrival review. Much like in a regular job, the prison system has annual reviews. It is not as formal as job reviews that I have had in the past. In fact, it is quite anti-climatic. I was handed 2 sheets; one – a summary of my points which are now 0. I started out with 8 and each year the points are reduced by 8 points as long as the inmate remains discipline free. The other is a summary of what the review committee decided which is to reaffirm my current program meaning I stay at camp.
After this, I asked the counselor if she had my official release date. Unfortunately, it is not February 28th of next year, it is March 2nd. It is three more days than I figured and at first I was somewhat depressed. Oh well, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I am still saving 4 ½ months from my original release date of July 17, 2008. It is a positive thing that I will be released on March 2nd – a Sunday.
For my own edification, I sent a request to the records office for a recalculation of the release date. I’m sure it will be the same but I learned awhile ago not to take anything for granted and I won’t. March 2nd will be a glorious day, but in the meantime I will stay focused with a positive attitude. I hope to absorb some of the high energy which was displayed by the Captain. I am headed in the right direction and everything is truly working out for the best.
The Captain then inspected each and everyone of us. He proceeded to display his high energy as he went into a Vince Lombardi like tirade. The good thing about the tirade was it wasn’t directed at any of us. This was a collective tirade espousing how important it is to have all the proper equipment in all the proper places. I didn’t know any of this so it was a good learning experience for me. The Captain went on with his speech for a solid 20 minutes. This man was so passionate about what he was talking about, his face grew red and the veins in his neck bulged. It took well over an hour to go through the inspection. Yes, the temperature was well into the 90’s and I was standing out there in very heavy clothing along with a 40 plus backpack on my back. However, this is all a part of being an inmate/firefighter. As the Captain reiterated time and time again we are firefighters first and foremost. His mission is safety and I do feel safe with him leading the way on any fire campaigns. This Captain has been associated with a few tragedies and it was clear he learned a great deal from these experiences and was conveying this to the crew.
It was a fascinating morning because after the gear inspection, the Captain organized the inside of the bus. Instead of us cutting down Oleander bushes, the Captain took it upon himself to ensure we were fully prepared for a wildfire. He did mention something about a State Assembly Bill which was passed in 2002 that states that a person or persons leading firefighters is civility responsible for the safety of the crew. If something goes wrong on a fire and crew members are hurt, the Captain can be civilly sued for the mishap. This Captain took this bill very personally and he was doing everything in is power to ensure the crew knew what they were doing. This was very good to see and it was also great to see how much the Captain cared about his job. He has been doing this for over 30 years and instead of burning out – he cared very much.
Most of the day was rearranging and cleaning the bus. We headed back to camp and about 10 minutes from camp, the Captain stopped the bus in the middle of the road and called out, “Everyone, full gear and you have 5 minutes.” Once again there was a rush to get ready and the energy level this time was much higher than earlier in the morning. We did get ready in the 5 minute time span and the Captain complimented us. He is very passionate about what he does and it shows. I’m not sure how often we will have this Captain because our regular Captain comes back next week and new shifts change. Even if we don’t have the replacement Captain again, he has left a lasting impression with me.
When we arrived back in camp, I noticed the Counselor was here. She arrives every two weeks on Thursday and I was looking forward to seeing her so I could obtain my new official release date. Much to my surprise, my name was called to see her. The Counselor called me to the office to give me my arrival review. Much like in a regular job, the prison system has annual reviews. It is not as formal as job reviews that I have had in the past. In fact, it is quite anti-climatic. I was handed 2 sheets; one – a summary of my points which are now 0. I started out with 8 and each year the points are reduced by 8 points as long as the inmate remains discipline free. The other is a summary of what the review committee decided which is to reaffirm my current program meaning I stay at camp.
After this, I asked the counselor if she had my official release date. Unfortunately, it is not February 28th of next year, it is March 2nd. It is three more days than I figured and at first I was somewhat depressed. Oh well, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I am still saving 4 ½ months from my original release date of July 17, 2008. It is a positive thing that I will be released on March 2nd – a Sunday.
For my own edification, I sent a request to the records office for a recalculation of the release date. I’m sure it will be the same but I learned awhile ago not to take anything for granted and I won’t. March 2nd will be a glorious day, but in the meantime I will stay focused with a positive attitude. I hope to absorb some of the high energy which was displayed by the Captain. I am headed in the right direction and everything is truly working out for the best.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Oleander
The replacement captain said something very funny today. He was giving us fire safety training. Basically, the captain reiterated what my father had told me, “be aware at all times.” However, the captain, who has a very colorful tongue (talks like a sailor) added a few of his own adjectives such as, “most of you (we inmates) weren’t aware of your surroundings, which is why you got caught.” I have paraphrased him because I intentionally left out the colorful language, so the way he said it was much funnier. Anyhow, my father and he are so right because when fighting a wildfire or even in a grocery store, I have to be aware of my surroundings at all times. I have taken this a step further in my recovery because I must be aware of my surroundings and myself at all times.
Compulsive gambling is an insidious disease, and even though I have been in recovery for two years and five months, it still lives inside me and always will. This is why I must be aware at all times. Right now, it is relatively easy to work my recovery because I am not in the real world. I am in the real world of prison, but this is not my reality. My reality lies in the outside world with my incredible family. I know there will come a time in the not-so-distant future that life will get back to normal. The children will be growing, the demands of life will be on me, and life will be rolling along. Even under so-called “normal” conditions, I must stay aware of my recovery each and every day. I cannot let my guard down for one second because my disease is looking for any weakness to pounce. Once it pounces, life for me will be all over. I certainly don’t want this to happen which is why I practice the principles of the GA program each and every day. This saves my life each and every day and has taught me a much better way to live. I do love my life, and seeing my family last week has given me a huge boost. I know I am on the right track, and everything will be great.
Today, we went back to the same local area, but instead of weed whacking, we cut down oleander bushes. Oleander bushes are poisonous. They aren’t poisonous to the touch, but if their buds are ingested, it could be deadly. I remember first learning about these bushes when I lived in Las Vegas. I recall many of my friends having allergies to these bushes, and I vaguely remember the poison comments. Today, in keeping with the awareness of my surroundings, I wore my helmet, safety glasses, surgical mask, long-sleeved shirt, and gloves while I dragged the cut bushes across the road. It didn’t matter that the temperature was in the mid 90’s. What mattered is that my crew members and I kept safe. The captain emphasized the poison in the oleander bushes, and I stayed aware the whole day.
The work wasn’t very difficult, but it was very hot, especially in long sleeves, long pants, and gloves. It seems my sweat index has been working overtime ever since I came back from my family visit. I’m not sure why, but lately, I start sweating much sooner than I normally have. I have upped my water intake, but even with this, I must be aware. If I drink too much water in a very short timeframe, it is counterproductive. My system is very efficient and rids itself of any excess water. The captain made a good point in regard to staying hydrated. He told us a story that when he was a kid, he would hike in the middle of the day and would go for miles without any water. This has built his tolerance for water consumption over the years, and he does not need to consume as much water as other people with his height and weight. Once again, I related this to myself because, for a number of years, I wouldn’t carry a water bottle with me at the gym. I would go through some fairly intense cardio sessions without drinking any water. It was only a few years ago that I concerned myself with water intake, which is why I don’t require that much water. There are some crew members who drink gallons and gallons of water per day. This is great for them, but it doesn’t work for me. I try to drink about a gallon of water throughout the entire day, and I am in tune enough with my body to know if I am getting too much or too little water. Guidelines are great for almost everything, and the guidelines for water consumption do make sense; however, it all goes back to awareness. The awareness is to know your own body. I do know my own body, so my water consumption will be different than most others.
The day was another good and positive day all the way through. My attitude has gotten so much better over the past two months since arriving here, and I am so grateful. I once dreaded these grade projects. Now, I actually look forward to getting out of camp each and every day. The days are going fast. I do have my sights on the end of this journey, but in the meantime, I am embracing each and every day.
During the mail call, I received the monthly bulletin for GA. This was the July, 2007 edition. I had written a letter to the Bulletin, and this letter was published. I believe the letter bears repeating, and here it is:
This is Paul D. from the Temecula, California G.A. I have been a member of G.A. since February 28, 2005. In July of last year I was sentenced to four years in the California Prison System due to the crimes I committed to feed my gambling addiction. Thankfully, due to the G.A. Program, I have not placed a wager since. Today, 5 dear members of G.A., who are also dear friends, came to visit me, and we had a G.A. meeting. This was my first G.A. meeting since I was incarcerated last July. The meeting was wonderful. In fact, it was beyond wonderful.
My world was spinning out of control over 2 years ago when I entered the G.A. room for the first time. Now, 2 years later in spite of my surroundings my life continues to get better, and this is all thanks to G.A. and the incredible fellowship. Here I was sitting in the visiting area of a California prison with 5 people who were mere strangers over 2 years ago. Now, they are dear friends, and the Program continues to save my life every day. These friends wanted to make the meeting monthly, and I thought this was a good idea. The California Prison System does not have a G.A. meeting at the facility I reside in, and now I am able to attend a meeting on a monthly basis all thanks to my dear friends.
Miracles do exist, and the G.A. Program, along with the fantastic members, are miracles in my life. This morning we laughed, we cried, we hugged; but most of all the Program works 100%, and I cannot state this enough: the Program saves my life every day. Without G.A. in my life, I was a lost soul. Now, with G.A. in my life, I have found my soul, and my life is better than it has ever been. The Program works, and I love all the members in the fellowship. I will never be alone as long as I am part of G.A.
I would like to thank all the members who have given me nothing but love and support. Over 2 years ago, my life was a deep dark tunnel, and now there is a shimmering light at the end of that tunnel. Thank you everyone for guiding me towards the light in a positive manner.
Compulsive gambling is an insidious disease, and even though I have been in recovery for two years and five months, it still lives inside me and always will. This is why I must be aware at all times. Right now, it is relatively easy to work my recovery because I am not in the real world. I am in the real world of prison, but this is not my reality. My reality lies in the outside world with my incredible family. I know there will come a time in the not-so-distant future that life will get back to normal. The children will be growing, the demands of life will be on me, and life will be rolling along. Even under so-called “normal” conditions, I must stay aware of my recovery each and every day. I cannot let my guard down for one second because my disease is looking for any weakness to pounce. Once it pounces, life for me will be all over. I certainly don’t want this to happen which is why I practice the principles of the GA program each and every day. This saves my life each and every day and has taught me a much better way to live. I do love my life, and seeing my family last week has given me a huge boost. I know I am on the right track, and everything will be great.
Today, we went back to the same local area, but instead of weed whacking, we cut down oleander bushes. Oleander bushes are poisonous. They aren’t poisonous to the touch, but if their buds are ingested, it could be deadly. I remember first learning about these bushes when I lived in Las Vegas. I recall many of my friends having allergies to these bushes, and I vaguely remember the poison comments. Today, in keeping with the awareness of my surroundings, I wore my helmet, safety glasses, surgical mask, long-sleeved shirt, and gloves while I dragged the cut bushes across the road. It didn’t matter that the temperature was in the mid 90’s. What mattered is that my crew members and I kept safe. The captain emphasized the poison in the oleander bushes, and I stayed aware the whole day.
The work wasn’t very difficult, but it was very hot, especially in long sleeves, long pants, and gloves. It seems my sweat index has been working overtime ever since I came back from my family visit. I’m not sure why, but lately, I start sweating much sooner than I normally have. I have upped my water intake, but even with this, I must be aware. If I drink too much water in a very short timeframe, it is counterproductive. My system is very efficient and rids itself of any excess water. The captain made a good point in regard to staying hydrated. He told us a story that when he was a kid, he would hike in the middle of the day and would go for miles without any water. This has built his tolerance for water consumption over the years, and he does not need to consume as much water as other people with his height and weight. Once again, I related this to myself because, for a number of years, I wouldn’t carry a water bottle with me at the gym. I would go through some fairly intense cardio sessions without drinking any water. It was only a few years ago that I concerned myself with water intake, which is why I don’t require that much water. There are some crew members who drink gallons and gallons of water per day. This is great for them, but it doesn’t work for me. I try to drink about a gallon of water throughout the entire day, and I am in tune enough with my body to know if I am getting too much or too little water. Guidelines are great for almost everything, and the guidelines for water consumption do make sense; however, it all goes back to awareness. The awareness is to know your own body. I do know my own body, so my water consumption will be different than most others.
The day was another good and positive day all the way through. My attitude has gotten so much better over the past two months since arriving here, and I am so grateful. I once dreaded these grade projects. Now, I actually look forward to getting out of camp each and every day. The days are going fast. I do have my sights on the end of this journey, but in the meantime, I am embracing each and every day.
During the mail call, I received the monthly bulletin for GA. This was the July, 2007 edition. I had written a letter to the Bulletin, and this letter was published. I believe the letter bears repeating, and here it is:
This is Paul D. from the Temecula, California G.A. I have been a member of G.A. since February 28, 2005. In July of last year I was sentenced to four years in the California Prison System due to the crimes I committed to feed my gambling addiction. Thankfully, due to the G.A. Program, I have not placed a wager since. Today, 5 dear members of G.A., who are also dear friends, came to visit me, and we had a G.A. meeting. This was my first G.A. meeting since I was incarcerated last July. The meeting was wonderful. In fact, it was beyond wonderful.
My world was spinning out of control over 2 years ago when I entered the G.A. room for the first time. Now, 2 years later in spite of my surroundings my life continues to get better, and this is all thanks to G.A. and the incredible fellowship. Here I was sitting in the visiting area of a California prison with 5 people who were mere strangers over 2 years ago. Now, they are dear friends, and the Program continues to save my life every day. These friends wanted to make the meeting monthly, and I thought this was a good idea. The California Prison System does not have a G.A. meeting at the facility I reside in, and now I am able to attend a meeting on a monthly basis all thanks to my dear friends.
Miracles do exist, and the G.A. Program, along with the fantastic members, are miracles in my life. This morning we laughed, we cried, we hugged; but most of all the Program works 100%, and I cannot state this enough: the Program saves my life every day. Without G.A. in my life, I was a lost soul. Now, with G.A. in my life, I have found my soul, and my life is better than it has ever been. The Program works, and I love all the members in the fellowship. I will never be alone as long as I am part of G.A.
I would like to thank all the members who have given me nothing but love and support. Over 2 years ago, my life was a deep dark tunnel, and now there is a shimmering light at the end of that tunnel. Thank you everyone for guiding me towards the light in a positive manner.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Repeat & Rewind
I have been trying to come up with a new format for my daily rehashing, and today could be summed up in a very few words; repeat and rewind. This means it was identical to Monday (yesterday). My crew did the same thing (weed whack) as we did yesterday. We had the same replacement captain, and I really like this man. He knows what he is doing and gets the most out of the crew. I really shouldn’t compare him to any of the other captains because this would be as if I am taking inventory. I don’t mean to take inventory so I will tread lightly. This replacement captain has so much energy and all of it is positive as opposed to the low energy displayed by some of the other captains. Before reading The Power of Intention, I had an understanding of attitudes and energies; however, I never gave them much thought as high and low energies. Now, after reading the book, high energies, which are normally coupled with positive attitudes, are so much better than low energies, which come hand in hand with a negative attitude. In a group setting, the energies “trickle down” to everyone, and I could see this having an impact on me. Amazingly, the weed trimmer I used today never broke down. The string on an automatic bump feeder and worked the best I have ever seen. I was energized all day, and I don’t believe in coincidences. When I first arrived here, I received a weed trimmer that broke down constantly because my attitude was negative and my energy level was low. Strangely, the weed trimmer matched my energy. This may sound hokey, but I believe there is credence to all these matters. Today, my weed trimmer never broke down and worked perfectly. My attitude and energy levels stayed high all day. There really is something to The Power of Intention.
Sure, today was much like yesterday, but as long as I maintain a true positive attitude and high energy, it really doesn’t matter what happens during the course of the day. All the days can be the same for the next seven plus months, but as long as I keep the smile on my face and in my heart, everything will continue to work out for the very best. I enjoyed the infusion of high energy the replacement captain brought into the crew. I do know he is not our permanent captain, so ultimately, it is up to me to maintain my attitude and energy levels. There are outside influences every day in my life. Some of these influences are positive and some are negative. I must focus on the positive and disregard the negative. Negative energies are counterproductive to my recovery, which is why I focus in on the positive energies each and every day.
I’m sure the food was slightly different than yesterday, but no one seems to care about this, so I will disregard. I will say I won’t starve or be malnourished as there is enough food for me each and every day. Also, my sleeping patterns are basically the same every night, so I will conclude this brief passage now.
Sure, today was much like yesterday, but as long as I maintain a true positive attitude and high energy, it really doesn’t matter what happens during the course of the day. All the days can be the same for the next seven plus months, but as long as I keep the smile on my face and in my heart, everything will continue to work out for the very best. I enjoyed the infusion of high energy the replacement captain brought into the crew. I do know he is not our permanent captain, so ultimately, it is up to me to maintain my attitude and energy levels. There are outside influences every day in my life. Some of these influences are positive and some are negative. I must focus on the positive and disregard the negative. Negative energies are counterproductive to my recovery, which is why I focus in on the positive energies each and every day.
I’m sure the food was slightly different than yesterday, but no one seems to care about this, so I will disregard. I will say I won’t starve or be malnourished as there is enough food for me each and every day. Also, my sleeping patterns are basically the same every night, so I will conclude this brief passage now.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Smile On My Face
The visit with my family had come and gone so quietly. I had been looking forward to it for so long, and now it is all over. There is some sadness in their departure, but my goal was to have a smile on my face as they drove off along with the same smile as I went to sleep last night. I accomplished my goal as I smiled as they departed and smiled as I went to sleep. In between these two times, I kept myself occupied with writing, talking, and reading. Almost immediately upon returning to my room, I gathered my writing materials and headed off to the library. I didn’t want to disturb my friend/roommate because he was taking a nap. Also, I needed a change of venue to keep my mind occupied on something other than thinking about my family. I got on a very good writing roll while in the library and decided to write a few other letters. My grandmother turns 85 at the end of this week, so I composed a letter to her. Also today, a very good friend of mine celebrates a birthday, and I hadn’t written him in a while. Writing is certainly a great outlet for me and very therapeutic. I did keep my mind occupied, but I did have many thoughts about my wonderful family. All the thoughts I had were very positive, and I could lament the fact that I am not with them at this moment; however, this is impossible, and I have accepted my situation. I have an outdate, and when this outdate arrives, I will be with my family. Until that date, I will maintain a positive attitude along with a smile on my face. I have been blessed with such a wonderful family, and I won’t spoil it by feeling sorry for myself. Feeling sorry for myself does me no good and is counterproductive to my recovery. I am very happy for myself because I am a very fortunate person, and everything is working out perfectly.
I wrote all the way up until dinnertime, and I went and got my plain spaghetti along with green beans. Dinner was very uneventful, and afterwards, I finished up my writing. I did have a telephone call scheduled last night. I called my mother to report on the week’s visit with my family. Yes, as I told my mother, it was so hard to see them leave, but this is all part of the process. Unfortunately, I couldn’t put my son my pocket (as he requested) and take him back to my room. As much as I would have loved for them to stay, our visit was over. The next time see them I won’t be wearing all orange as I will be in civilian clothes. I do miss being “Dad”, but “Dad” time will come soon enough. My children are in great hands with my wife, and she will continue to do an amazing job with them providing stability. My children, and my wife for that matter, had not changed in one year, and I don’t expect them to change in the next seven months. My life is beautiful, and the beauty comes from my family. It was great to speak with my mother, and I will see her in less than two months when she comes to visit with my younger sister. I do have milestones to look forward to in the coming months which will help to pass the time. Also, my incredible friends from GA will reconvene the GA meeting this coming Sunday, which is also great. My weeks are filled with work, and my weekends are filled with visits. This is a great combination as the time passes quickly. Today marks the two-month point for me here at fire camp, and those two months have gone by quickly.
The very good telephone call was over, and I stayed outside and talked. Thankfully, this was a very positive discussion on taking personal responsibility for one’s own actions. There is an inmate here, for all intents and purposes, that was wrongly accused. He was convicted by a jury and is currently serving a sentence. This must be very difficult. In my own case, I caused all of this on myself and have taken responsibility for my actions; however, I have often thought about how I would react if I was wrongly accused. I cannot put myself in this inmate’s shoes because this is not the case for me. I can only guess, and I do know this inmate is doing a remarkable job accepting his current lot in life. As the “Power Of Intention” states, “Life is filled with random acts, and we are completely powerless to the Source.” Things happen, and I believe it is how I react that will determine my life. So far, so good as I continue my recovery and maintain a positive outlook. The conversation was very good and lasted until the sprinklers came on, which is our alarm to end the discussions. This was a very good way to pass the time.
I headed into my room where I started to read “Associates Devil”. I read a few pages before going to sleep, and before I went to sleep I kissed my bookmarkers. My wife gave me two bookmarkers my wife had given me with photographs of my daughter and son on them. I did have a smile on my face as I drifted off to sleep. Everything is all right and will continue to be great. My family means the world to me, and I will not disappoint them again.
My night’s sleep was the usual for me as I got up twice during the night. I got up once for the usual reason of going to the bathroom, but the second time was due to the fact I was warm. Thankfully, there is air conditioning inside the dorms. This air conditioner works very well; however, there is no moderation, either it is freezing or not. Last night, I started out freezing, but somehow during the night, it was hot. Anyhow, this morning rolled around, and it was back to my normal schedule; my “vacation” (amazingly, my last week felt like a vacation in prison) was over. I started this morning like many of the other Monday mornings in the past two months. I ran for almost 100 minutes. This morning was more humid than I have experienced since arriving here. It didn’t take long for me to achieve a sweat, but the run was very good. After the run, it was on to shower, dress, and off to breakfast.
Breakfast was over, and it was back to my room where I would boot up for the day. There appeared to be a full compliment of fire captains on duty so a lay-in was not in order. I didn’t want a lay-in because I wanted to go out of the camp. The regular fire captain for my crew was on vacation, but the replacement captain had worked with the crew on last week’s fire. I had heard reports about this captain and all were positive. These reports were dead on because watching and listening to this captain was very impressive. This fire captain has been around over 20 years but is in great shape. He has a very good personality, and more importantly, he has great conversation skills. He calls members of the crew by their first names, which is something that is unheard of in the prison system. This captain is extremely organized and has a very high energy level. There seems to be no comparison to the regular fire captain as he is somewhat unorganized and has no communication skills and very low energy. High energies are very infectious in a positive manner, and I could see the crew being motivated right before my eyes.
Today was a very good day on the grade all due to the new captain. Our assignment was very basic, weed-whack one the areas around a local aqueduct. We accomplished this task without any problems, and when we were done, we were done. This means the captain did not find another project to do even though we were finished about two hours ahead of schedule. At the end of the day, the captain even commended us for a job well done. I enjoyed watching his mannerisms, and it was good to see how much he enjoyed his job. The adage, “love what you do and do what you love” showed through in this fire captain. One person can make a difference, and this captain made a tremendous difference with the crew. I believe we will have him a few days a week and have the regular captain the other half of the week. I was extremely impressed by the replacement fire captain, and the day went by very quickly.
The replacement fire captain even checked us in a few minutes early, which has always been a point of contention in the past; however, the fire captain takes no guff from anyone, and we were checked in. After being checked in, it was on to the showers as I was very dirty, grimy, and sweaty from the weed-whacking task. By the way, my weed trimmer only jammed once during the day, which is very impressive for me! The shower felt great, and afterwards since we got back early, I had time to start writing, and I did. As I was writing, one of my crew members came into the dorm and reported the federal judge had agreed to institute a three-judge panel to put a cap on the prison population for the state of California. This crew member had just seen the news and visited to spread the word. This is all part of the prison overcrowding crisis, and presumably, is the decision that should have been rendered three weeks ago. Details of this are sketchy, but my guess is, barring any appeals by the State of California, the three-judge panel will institute a cap of X for the population of the inmates. This means some inmates/prisoners will be released early to reduce the number of inmates in the system. I don’t know how long it will take to establish the three-judge panel or how long it will take before any prisoners are released early. Someone had mentioned January of next year as being the starting point. I’m not sure if I am affected, but this is certainly good news. It would be wonderful to be able to share the birthdays of my children which occur in early February. I know my release date is February 28, 2008, but any day before this would be an extra blessing. I’m sure I will learn more about this decision as the days pass. I do have my eye on my actual release date, which is about seven months. This will pass soon enough, and I will be with my family with a big smile on my face.
I wrote all the way up until dinnertime, and I went and got my plain spaghetti along with green beans. Dinner was very uneventful, and afterwards, I finished up my writing. I did have a telephone call scheduled last night. I called my mother to report on the week’s visit with my family. Yes, as I told my mother, it was so hard to see them leave, but this is all part of the process. Unfortunately, I couldn’t put my son my pocket (as he requested) and take him back to my room. As much as I would have loved for them to stay, our visit was over. The next time see them I won’t be wearing all orange as I will be in civilian clothes. I do miss being “Dad”, but “Dad” time will come soon enough. My children are in great hands with my wife, and she will continue to do an amazing job with them providing stability. My children, and my wife for that matter, had not changed in one year, and I don’t expect them to change in the next seven months. My life is beautiful, and the beauty comes from my family. It was great to speak with my mother, and I will see her in less than two months when she comes to visit with my younger sister. I do have milestones to look forward to in the coming months which will help to pass the time. Also, my incredible friends from GA will reconvene the GA meeting this coming Sunday, which is also great. My weeks are filled with work, and my weekends are filled with visits. This is a great combination as the time passes quickly. Today marks the two-month point for me here at fire camp, and those two months have gone by quickly.
The very good telephone call was over, and I stayed outside and talked. Thankfully, this was a very positive discussion on taking personal responsibility for one’s own actions. There is an inmate here, for all intents and purposes, that was wrongly accused. He was convicted by a jury and is currently serving a sentence. This must be very difficult. In my own case, I caused all of this on myself and have taken responsibility for my actions; however, I have often thought about how I would react if I was wrongly accused. I cannot put myself in this inmate’s shoes because this is not the case for me. I can only guess, and I do know this inmate is doing a remarkable job accepting his current lot in life. As the “Power Of Intention” states, “Life is filled with random acts, and we are completely powerless to the Source.” Things happen, and I believe it is how I react that will determine my life. So far, so good as I continue my recovery and maintain a positive outlook. The conversation was very good and lasted until the sprinklers came on, which is our alarm to end the discussions. This was a very good way to pass the time.
I headed into my room where I started to read “Associates Devil”. I read a few pages before going to sleep, and before I went to sleep I kissed my bookmarkers. My wife gave me two bookmarkers my wife had given me with photographs of my daughter and son on them. I did have a smile on my face as I drifted off to sleep. Everything is all right and will continue to be great. My family means the world to me, and I will not disappoint them again.
My night’s sleep was the usual for me as I got up twice during the night. I got up once for the usual reason of going to the bathroom, but the second time was due to the fact I was warm. Thankfully, there is air conditioning inside the dorms. This air conditioner works very well; however, there is no moderation, either it is freezing or not. Last night, I started out freezing, but somehow during the night, it was hot. Anyhow, this morning rolled around, and it was back to my normal schedule; my “vacation” (amazingly, my last week felt like a vacation in prison) was over. I started this morning like many of the other Monday mornings in the past two months. I ran for almost 100 minutes. This morning was more humid than I have experienced since arriving here. It didn’t take long for me to achieve a sweat, but the run was very good. After the run, it was on to shower, dress, and off to breakfast.
Breakfast was over, and it was back to my room where I would boot up for the day. There appeared to be a full compliment of fire captains on duty so a lay-in was not in order. I didn’t want a lay-in because I wanted to go out of the camp. The regular fire captain for my crew was on vacation, but the replacement captain had worked with the crew on last week’s fire. I had heard reports about this captain and all were positive. These reports were dead on because watching and listening to this captain was very impressive. This fire captain has been around over 20 years but is in great shape. He has a very good personality, and more importantly, he has great conversation skills. He calls members of the crew by their first names, which is something that is unheard of in the prison system. This captain is extremely organized and has a very high energy level. There seems to be no comparison to the regular fire captain as he is somewhat unorganized and has no communication skills and very low energy. High energies are very infectious in a positive manner, and I could see the crew being motivated right before my eyes.
Today was a very good day on the grade all due to the new captain. Our assignment was very basic, weed-whack one the areas around a local aqueduct. We accomplished this task without any problems, and when we were done, we were done. This means the captain did not find another project to do even though we were finished about two hours ahead of schedule. At the end of the day, the captain even commended us for a job well done. I enjoyed watching his mannerisms, and it was good to see how much he enjoyed his job. The adage, “love what you do and do what you love” showed through in this fire captain. One person can make a difference, and this captain made a tremendous difference with the crew. I believe we will have him a few days a week and have the regular captain the other half of the week. I was extremely impressed by the replacement fire captain, and the day went by very quickly.
The replacement fire captain even checked us in a few minutes early, which has always been a point of contention in the past; however, the fire captain takes no guff from anyone, and we were checked in. After being checked in, it was on to the showers as I was very dirty, grimy, and sweaty from the weed-whacking task. By the way, my weed trimmer only jammed once during the day, which is very impressive for me! The shower felt great, and afterwards since we got back early, I had time to start writing, and I did. As I was writing, one of my crew members came into the dorm and reported the federal judge had agreed to institute a three-judge panel to put a cap on the prison population for the state of California. This crew member had just seen the news and visited to spread the word. This is all part of the prison overcrowding crisis, and presumably, is the decision that should have been rendered three weeks ago. Details of this are sketchy, but my guess is, barring any appeals by the State of California, the three-judge panel will institute a cap of X for the population of the inmates. This means some inmates/prisoners will be released early to reduce the number of inmates in the system. I don’t know how long it will take to establish the three-judge panel or how long it will take before any prisoners are released early. Someone had mentioned January of next year as being the starting point. I’m not sure if I am affected, but this is certainly good news. It would be wonderful to be able to share the birthdays of my children which occur in early February. I know my release date is February 28, 2008, but any day before this would be an extra blessing. I’m sure I will learn more about this decision as the days pass. I do have my eye on my actual release date, which is about seven months. This will pass soon enough, and I will be with my family with a big smile on my face.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
The Visit - Part 4 - and The Last Day
My crew came back last night and the dorm area along with my room was back to normal. I got filled in on the details of the week and it appears I missed the “hike of the century” on the Santa Barbara Fire. The first part of the week was very laid back as my crew didn’t do much other than cover the other fire camp. However, when they were diverted to Santa Barbara the one day they worked made up for the 7 days they did not.
Apparently, they hiked 6 miles up a fairly steep incline. One member from the other crew hurt his ankle on the rocky terrain and had to be brought to the nearest prison facility. Each of my crew members spoke about the hike with reverence in their voices and a small part of me would have liked to experience this hike. Make no mistake about it, I much rather had been with my family then on the hike and I know there will be other “hikes of the century” in my remaining time here. It was good to see everyone from my crew make it back safe and sound. Speaking of sound, the sounds were back in the dorm and the eerie silence was gone. I do not mind the sounds because they are comforting which means I am not alone. Every person on the crew is a good person and I have been very fortunate to have been placed with them.
After getting the details of the past week from several crew members, it was time to turn in for the night. I had mixed emotions about the next day because this would be the last day my family would be visiting with me. The saying goes, “All good things must come to an end” which when thinking about it, this is not exactly an optimistic thought. My good thing was not ending, it was just beginning because in a short period of time, we will all be together and it will be the best it has ever been.
I managed to fall asleep and had a dream about playing golf with my father at a golf course in NJ that we used to go to years ago. All I can remember is hitting a few golf shots and walking down the fairway with my father.
I waved off breakfast and waited for my wife to pull in. I walked down to the visiting center and as I approached, I spotted my family and right on queue, my little boy came running at me full speed ahead. He maybe small in stature, but he packs a great deal of power in his almost 4 foot frame. He ran toward me and I picked him up with a great big hug. My daughter was behind him and she was a bit more reserved. She is the more sensitive of the two and she knew today was the last day of the visit as there was an edge of concern on her face. Be that as it may, I did hug her mightily and stole many kisses throughout the day. I warmly greeted them and my children wasted no time running over to the swings and calling out to me to push them. These are great moments and after being on the swings, we played games of Uno and Monopoly prior to the arrival of our dear friends.
I was very happy to hear that our friends were coming today. This is where my family stayed for the past 2 weeks and I briefly got to see them when they dropped off and picked up my family for the family visit. They prepared a very special lunch – barbecue pizza. I have had a great deal of pizza in my life but not one prepared on a barbecue grill, especially one prepared in prison. Our friends came armed with all the fresh ingredients, but there were some things left at home. Our friends improvised so well as they used wood for the grill in addition to the charcoal. We borrowed a can of cooking oil from one of my fellow inmates. I was so impressed as to the lengths our dear friends went to prepare and cook this pizza. These are truly wonderful people, and in spite of all the obstacles in front of them, the pizza turned out excellent! It was the best tasting pizza I had in a very long time and still can’t believe it was made from scratch right in front of my eyes at the table.
They did have to leave to pick up their children and our game of Pictionary was interrupted. I believe I have written about this game in the past and our friends have a running joke about playing with me. You see I am a horrible drawer and would rather write a 1000 words than draw a picture. As our friends entered the visiting area, I spotted them carrying Pictionary and tried to convince the CO on duty that the game was prohibited in the visiting area. Unfortunately, he allowed the game to be brought in. Surprisingly, my team – the team of males – was actually far ahead of the females. We continued to play as our friends left. It was wonderful to see them and even though the visit was brief they are part of the many blessings in my life. I am truly surrounded by incredible people.
As we were playing, there was a minor meltdown between my son and daughter as my son didn’t want to draw one of the answers, but my daughter was making him. This caused my son to cry which caused my daughter to cry. My wife and I consoled them and their meltdown didn’t last that long. The children finally tired of Pictionary and went to play on the swings. My poor wife who has made this week extra special just wanted some alone time with me on the bench. Our time together was few and far between, but we did manage to hold one another as the visiting hours clicked down.
The visiting hours were coming to a close so I gave my son and daughter piggy back rides and in between I was able to give hugs and kisses to my wife. My daughter was getting sad which was making my wife sad which brought tears to my eyes. I did my best to maintain a positive attitude and yes, it won’t be until next year when I se them again. However, the time is shorter than this past interval. I tried to instill in my daughter that there are so many things happening in the next coming months that my return will be here sooner as opposed to later. I could see the tears in my wife’s eyes which even now brings tears to my eyes. She is an incredible person and I love her so much. My son ever being the character that he is said, “Daddy, put me in your pocket so I can stay with you.” I laughed and so did he. My sensitive daughter did very well to hold things together but knowing her I am sure she had her moments in the car. Yes, this was a bittersweet moment; the bitter was that they were departing and I won’t see them in over 7 months – the sweet is the essence of my family. They are extremely sweet and I am blessed by their presence.
I watched them drive off for the final time with tears in my eyes. They waved, blew kisses, and called out to me as they drove off. It has only been 2 hours since their departure and I miss them so much. This is all part of the Plan and I know it is working out exactly the way it is intended. My love for them grows everyday and thanks to all the blessings in my life, I do have a second chance.
Over 4 years I was headed into a downward spiral which culminated with my current arrest and incarceration. However, as my life came crashing down, I discovered true hope in recovery. I can function as a normal law abiding person without gambling in my life. I have spent the past 2 plus years in recovery and loving every moment. Over the past year, I have been separated from my family and discovered everything I ever wanted was right in front of me. I didn’t need a nice house, car, pool, or other material items but I do need my family. They are truly fantastic and have stayed with me through this entire ordeal. What started out as the worst moment of my life has blossomed into the best period of my life. Gone are the days of lying, deceiving, cheating, and stealing. These have been replaced with love and honesty.
I can choose to be sad and lament the fact that I won’t see my family sometime until next year. However, I choose to look at the positive which is my family. I cannot erase the mistakes I made, I can only learn and continue to grow into a better person. There will come a time where I can sit with my family and hold them for as long as I would like. I had a fabulous weekend and this will carry me the rest of my term.
Apparently, they hiked 6 miles up a fairly steep incline. One member from the other crew hurt his ankle on the rocky terrain and had to be brought to the nearest prison facility. Each of my crew members spoke about the hike with reverence in their voices and a small part of me would have liked to experience this hike. Make no mistake about it, I much rather had been with my family then on the hike and I know there will be other “hikes of the century” in my remaining time here. It was good to see everyone from my crew make it back safe and sound. Speaking of sound, the sounds were back in the dorm and the eerie silence was gone. I do not mind the sounds because they are comforting which means I am not alone. Every person on the crew is a good person and I have been very fortunate to have been placed with them.
After getting the details of the past week from several crew members, it was time to turn in for the night. I had mixed emotions about the next day because this would be the last day my family would be visiting with me. The saying goes, “All good things must come to an end” which when thinking about it, this is not exactly an optimistic thought. My good thing was not ending, it was just beginning because in a short period of time, we will all be together and it will be the best it has ever been.
I managed to fall asleep and had a dream about playing golf with my father at a golf course in NJ that we used to go to years ago. All I can remember is hitting a few golf shots and walking down the fairway with my father.
I waved off breakfast and waited for my wife to pull in. I walked down to the visiting center and as I approached, I spotted my family and right on queue, my little boy came running at me full speed ahead. He maybe small in stature, but he packs a great deal of power in his almost 4 foot frame. He ran toward me and I picked him up with a great big hug. My daughter was behind him and she was a bit more reserved. She is the more sensitive of the two and she knew today was the last day of the visit as there was an edge of concern on her face. Be that as it may, I did hug her mightily and stole many kisses throughout the day. I warmly greeted them and my children wasted no time running over to the swings and calling out to me to push them. These are great moments and after being on the swings, we played games of Uno and Monopoly prior to the arrival of our dear friends.
I was very happy to hear that our friends were coming today. This is where my family stayed for the past 2 weeks and I briefly got to see them when they dropped off and picked up my family for the family visit. They prepared a very special lunch – barbecue pizza. I have had a great deal of pizza in my life but not one prepared on a barbecue grill, especially one prepared in prison. Our friends came armed with all the fresh ingredients, but there were some things left at home. Our friends improvised so well as they used wood for the grill in addition to the charcoal. We borrowed a can of cooking oil from one of my fellow inmates. I was so impressed as to the lengths our dear friends went to prepare and cook this pizza. These are truly wonderful people, and in spite of all the obstacles in front of them, the pizza turned out excellent! It was the best tasting pizza I had in a very long time and still can’t believe it was made from scratch right in front of my eyes at the table.
They did have to leave to pick up their children and our game of Pictionary was interrupted. I believe I have written about this game in the past and our friends have a running joke about playing with me. You see I am a horrible drawer and would rather write a 1000 words than draw a picture. As our friends entered the visiting area, I spotted them carrying Pictionary and tried to convince the CO on duty that the game was prohibited in the visiting area. Unfortunately, he allowed the game to be brought in. Surprisingly, my team – the team of males – was actually far ahead of the females. We continued to play as our friends left. It was wonderful to see them and even though the visit was brief they are part of the many blessings in my life. I am truly surrounded by incredible people.
As we were playing, there was a minor meltdown between my son and daughter as my son didn’t want to draw one of the answers, but my daughter was making him. This caused my son to cry which caused my daughter to cry. My wife and I consoled them and their meltdown didn’t last that long. The children finally tired of Pictionary and went to play on the swings. My poor wife who has made this week extra special just wanted some alone time with me on the bench. Our time together was few and far between, but we did manage to hold one another as the visiting hours clicked down.
The visiting hours were coming to a close so I gave my son and daughter piggy back rides and in between I was able to give hugs and kisses to my wife. My daughter was getting sad which was making my wife sad which brought tears to my eyes. I did my best to maintain a positive attitude and yes, it won’t be until next year when I se them again. However, the time is shorter than this past interval. I tried to instill in my daughter that there are so many things happening in the next coming months that my return will be here sooner as opposed to later. I could see the tears in my wife’s eyes which even now brings tears to my eyes. She is an incredible person and I love her so much. My son ever being the character that he is said, “Daddy, put me in your pocket so I can stay with you.” I laughed and so did he. My sensitive daughter did very well to hold things together but knowing her I am sure she had her moments in the car. Yes, this was a bittersweet moment; the bitter was that they were departing and I won’t see them in over 7 months – the sweet is the essence of my family. They are extremely sweet and I am blessed by their presence.
I watched them drive off for the final time with tears in my eyes. They waved, blew kisses, and called out to me as they drove off. It has only been 2 hours since their departure and I miss them so much. This is all part of the Plan and I know it is working out exactly the way it is intended. My love for them grows everyday and thanks to all the blessings in my life, I do have a second chance.
Over 4 years I was headed into a downward spiral which culminated with my current arrest and incarceration. However, as my life came crashing down, I discovered true hope in recovery. I can function as a normal law abiding person without gambling in my life. I have spent the past 2 plus years in recovery and loving every moment. Over the past year, I have been separated from my family and discovered everything I ever wanted was right in front of me. I didn’t need a nice house, car, pool, or other material items but I do need my family. They are truly fantastic and have stayed with me through this entire ordeal. What started out as the worst moment of my life has blossomed into the best period of my life. Gone are the days of lying, deceiving, cheating, and stealing. These have been replaced with love and honesty.
I can choose to be sad and lament the fact that I won’t see my family sometime until next year. However, I choose to look at the positive which is my family. I cannot erase the mistakes I made, I can only learn and continue to grow into a better person. There will come a time where I can sit with my family and hold them for as long as I would like. I had a fabulous weekend and this will carry me the rest of my term.
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