My name is Paul and I am compulsive gambler, it has been 40 days since my last bet. Forty days ago I didn't realize I was a compulsive gambler; however; when I was confronted by my employer for embezzling it finally "hit" me that I am and will always be a compulsive gambler. I am currently attending and will attend (for as long as I am "legally" allowed) Gamblers Anonymous meetings. I have lost a great career (incidentally in the Gaming business), I am in the process of losing everything that I have worked for with the exception of my wife and two children. My father hasn't spoken to me since this all occurred and my older sister will do anything to help my wife and children but she wants nothing to do with me and I can not blame her.
My wife, mother, step father, younger sister, mother-in-law and some very special friends have showed tremendous support and without this support I am not sure what I would have done. I have spent five days in jail and I am looking at some serious issues in my future. I cannot change the past and I cannot predict what will happen in the future I can only take things one day at a time.
If someone told me 27 years ago when I made my first wager that when you are 39 years old you will lose everything and be in place where there are no freedoms. I would have told them that they were crazy because I am an intelligent person and I can "control" my gambling. The fact of the matter is the gambling took over my life and ruined it and ruined the lives of my family. It is an insidious addiction, you do things that no rational person would do. You don't think of the consequences and I am here to tell anyone that will listen that there are serious consequences for all of my horrible actions.
I threw away a great life so I could always be in "action". Having worked in the Gaming Industry for 13 years I wouldn't dare go near a slot machine or a table game. My game of choice was sports betting because I knew (or I thought I knew) that sports betting had the lowest house percentage so I stood a chance to win. However; winning and losing became superfluous it only mattered whether I had action. Of course I lost a great deal more than I won so I had to fuel the addiction with money and addicts will do anything to get their fix and I did anything and everything to perpetuate my fantasy life. This all came to an end 40 days ago.
I have no desire to make a wager but I do understand that this is a disease and it will be with me all of my life. Gamblers Anonymous has helped a great deal and having a sponsor that went through a similar situation 14 years ago also helps. Right now there is a tunnel ahead and it is very dark but with the Grace of God, my family and my friends I will get through this. I keep thinking of my 7 year old daughter and 4 year old son and I want to see them grow up because I love them more than anything in the world.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Each day passes quicker than the previous one; however; I am still no closer to any decision than I was a month ago. I know I cannot change yesterday and I cannot predict the future all I have is today and I am taking it one day at time. It is very difficult to live with what I have done to my family. I took a seemingly perfect life and turned it upside down. I know my children don't care how big their house is or whether or not they have a pool. My seven year old daughter stated that she wanted to live in the car or maybe we could get a minivan or one of those big trailers (RV). All she cared about was whether her family was all together. I do want to give my children some type of consistency and teach them responsibility and accountability. I will take full accountability for what I have done and take the consequences that come. I made a large mistake and will have to pay for it both financially and psychologically. If there is anyone out there that thinks they have a gambling problem please seek help before the disease takes over your life. Here is the Gambler's Anonymous website: http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ Interestingly enough it is thought that the United States has 7 million compulsive gamblers (I think this number is understated and could be double or triple) and only 200 beds to care for those 7 million problem gamblers. The World Poker Tour and video gaming are very hot. The generation under 25 maybe headed for a crisis in 3 to 5 years as these people realize that you really do lose money. What if Budweiser sponsored The World Drinking Tour? Do you think the Travel Channel world air that event?
Post a Comment