100th Day At SCC

The lead instructor and I get along and as I mentioned we have a friendly rivalry between us. For a physically strong guy, he is incredibly sensitive. It does sound like I am taking someone else’s inventory and I hope I don’t come across as sensitive and defensive as he does because it causes breakdowns in communication. I try to be perceptive to other people and their issues but I don’t believe I am sensitive about myself. I have always prided myself on being able to communicate effectively with anyone. I don’t believe this has changed and this has helped me over the past six months. I seem to get along with practically all the other instructors. One of my character flaws is the need to be liked which I am working on. I also do understand that not everyone is going to like me for whatever reason and this is acceptable. As long as I stay true to myself and not be a phony, I will be okay.

It also seems many of my fellow inmates for being tough guys are extremely sensitive as well which causes defensiveness. I am not sure if the prison life or life outside the prison or a combination of both have caused these issues but it is quite prevalent. I am happy that I have been able to stick to myself over these past 6 months and hopefully I can stay away from these situations. I continue to work on my character defects each and everyday especially in a place like this.

As long as I continue to arrest my gambling addiction one day at a time for a lifetime and continue to work on being a person with a positive purpose – the sky is the limit. All of my adult life I have hid from my compulsive gambling and finally I am facing up to it and it feels wonderful. The chains of addiction have been broken but it is a daily battle because those chains are still out there. I have no intention of shackling myself with those chains which is why I work my recovery one day at a time.

Making my way back from the dorm after dinner, I was looking forward to finally receiving the books as long as the evening yard was still open. After a short wait, my name was called and I received the books my mom had sent – 5 non-fiction and two fiction. Once again she did a fantastic job of selecting the books. The two fiction books are from James Patterson and John Grisham – can’t go wrong there. The five non-fiction cover a range of topics from war to homelessness. These should keep me busy for quite some time. I started the Art of War by Sun Tzu which I have been wanting to read for sometime. The original was written over 24oo years ago and was finally translated in English back in the 1900’s. I only read the first few pages and could tell this book needed to be read slowly for me to fully comprehend the content. This maybe a stretch but I may actually learn something from reading this book.

I was able to speak with my wife and in spite of the late hour, she was still awake. I informed her that I finally received notification of the family visit which is scheduled for March 8th, 9th, and 10th. I can cancel it without any penalties since we have decided to wait until I get to fire camp. I certainly want to see her but having her visit me here will be a burden in so many ways, both financially and emotionally. I believe it will be much better when I get to fire camp because it is located on familiar territory and she can visit her friends as well. There are many restrictions coming here. Hopefully, I can get to fire camp in April and she can visit me soon thereafter and bring my son and daughter in July to visit.

I fell asleep past 10:00 pm, as I have programmed myself. The night’s rest was typical where I woke up a few times and there is a direct correlation between my sleeping pattern and speaking with my wife. I believe communicating with my wife activates my subconscious and there is little I can do to stop this. It really isn’t a bad thing and I love speaking with her and I can deal with the irregular sleeping patterns because I much rather prefer talking to her.

I woke up at 6:00 am and stayed in my bunk. I thought I would count the number of days I have been here at SCC and low and behold today is day 100! I try not to count the days but instead to make the days count which I have done. Hopefully, I have less than 100 remaining prior to my transfer to fire camp but no matter the number, I will keep doing what I have been doing because it not only makes the days count- it makes me a better person.