Peace on Earth?

Today during lunch I read the "local" section of my newspaper and noticed a rather unsettlingly trend. On the inside 2 pages (pages 2 and 3) of the local section were six stories and five of the six stories had to do with murder and oh by the way the sixth story was about a missing man. All of these stories referenced yesterday which was Christmas Day so much for peace on earth and good will toward all!!

Just about ten months ago I would only read the sports and business section of the newspaper for obvious reason; however; since I started my recovery I discovered other sections in the newspaper. Today was down right depressing reading about so much death and misery. All of this was in my "local" area. The newspaper I read covers a very big area and in this area are some very good sections and some very nice sections. These six stories covered the good and the bad sections but the news was all bad. Is this a trend? Do the holidays bring out the bad or good in people? If you believe everything you read then it was certainly the bad.

Whoever wrote; "no news is good news", was a very wise person. Story after story was about someone being shot or someone having a car accident or someone who has been missing for one week. Is this the kind of world we live in? I believe there is more good in this world then bad but the media likes to focus on the bad. Why do people slow down on the other side of the freeway when there is a bad accident? Are they concerned or do they want to see the horrific car crash? I know when I am driving I tend NOT to look at any accidents for fear of seeing something I shouldn't but I know traffic can back up for miles when an accident occurs on the other side of the road. I think the terms are "rubber neckers" and "lookey loo's".

I don't know where this is all going but reading the newspaper this afternoon certainly did not make me feel any better and I will carefully consider finding something else to read tomorrow. I do know my life is a blessing; I watched my children ride their bicycles today for about 2 hours. I got to watch a movie with my entire family. I read a bedtime story to my son and he fell asleep with his head tucked into my shoulder and his arm across my chest. These are moments which count the most and I have had these moments in the past but chose to ignore them because I thought they would be around for a very long time to come. Nothing in life is guaranteed and I learned this just about ten months ago. Life moves very quickly and certain events may prohibit me from having these moments again this is why I cherish these moments each and every day.

Today I had a conversation with a link to my former life. This person is very near and dear to my heart and they were telling me some things about my former employer. Yes, I regret what I have done to many people and I am still pissed off that I let my addiction rule my choices; this I will have to live with the rest of my life. However; it really breaks my heart to hear of the things that are going on since I left my former employer. Yes, it was my fault what I have done; however; I tried to treat everyone like an adult and with respect. I was busy doing bad things but I seemed to make the time to ensure the work experience for most was somewhat tolerable. It seems those things I had done (the positive ones) have all gone away because people are too busy doing their own things to listen. For all of my flaws and I do have many; I had some good traits like being there for people and I miss that. I know I can't change the things that I have done and I must continue doing the right things in order to have a happy successful life but there is a small part of me that really hates what I have done to so many people.

I am not going into the pity party mode because I know I created this grief for everyone. I need to continue to be honest with myself and part of this honesty is stating how stupid I was to do the things that I have done. I will continue to move forward one day at time and life really has gotten better in these past 10 months. My commitment is to my recovery and my family and I know good things will continue to happen. With these good things I will be able to really be there for people because I know I can make a difference. I have made a difference with myself and will continue to make this difference one day at time.

There will not be any postings for the next two days (until Thursday) because our family is going to visit some long time friends who we haven't seen in a few years. One of these friends is my son's godfather and I have known these two dear people for over 30 years. We will be back on Thursday and I will recap the trip.