Is This Really the Last?

Last month at this time I wrote about it being the first Tuesday of the month and how it was the business meeting of Gamblers Anonymous. At the time I wrote that passage I thought that would be my last Intergroup (business meeting of GA) for some time. However; now that I am on "bonus" time I get one more meeting; hopefully! Tonight's meeting is a special meeting because the election for trustees has taken place last month and the ballots will be counted this evening. I volunteered my services to help count the ballots because I wanted to make my last (again hopefully) Intergroup meeting a memorable one. Also; I was very interested in how the process takes place. I believe tonight will be a longer than usual meeting but I am looking forward to it.

In fact I am looking forward to seeing some people I haven't seen since last month and that time I said my good-byes (for awhile) I guess I will say hello and good-bye again. I must reiterate what great people they are because not only are they committed to their recoveries they are committed to GA as an organization. It really is a small commitment; two hours every month but in today's day and age with time becoming some precious these people make the most out of their time. I am so blessed to be in the company of these wonderful people.

I realized after last night's Gamblers Anonymous meeting I need to let go of a few things. I am harboring some resentments and most of them are resentments of myself. I created this mess and will have to deal with the consequences but sometimes I get too bogged down on the unknown. I love my wife and my children dearly and I know they will be well cared for when I am away but it is so hard knowing I will miss a few Christmas', Easters, and birthdays.

Also; my poor daughter has started the "Daddy I don't want you to go" saying since the calendar changed over to May. She asked me when I was leaving and I told her on the 31st (again hopefully) and she said to me last night you only have 30 days to go. I tried my best to tell her everything will be fine when I am gone and I will be back before she knows it. I know these conversations will continue as the month moves on and seeing her little concerned face really eats at my heart.

With all that said I do believe everything is going to okay when I am gone because there is something more powerful than me watching out over my family. It is a combination of family and friends but most of all my Higher Power will see us through this difficult time. I will be back before she knows it and life will continue to get better and better for not only me but my family.

It seems everyday there is a story about someone who has embezzled to fund their compulsive gambling habit. This story comes from Canada and it is also at the early stages but it seems pretty clear; this poor woman denied her compulsive gambling addiction and did things she would never imagine she could do.

The stories about embezzling to fund compulsive gambling addictions cover all areas of the world and all age ranges of men and women. There was a banker in China who embezzled billions (yes, that is billions with a B!) to fund his compulsive gambling habit and there are people who everyday embezzle from their families so they can make the next bet.

I keep going back to what the judge said a week and half ago in my sentencing about how not all compulsive gamblers steal; the more and more I learn about myself and this dreadful addiction the more and more I realize everyone who is a compulsive gambler steals in one form or another. Whether it is stealing from their company, family or just stealing time they just like me are stealing themselves into a fantasy that will ruin their lives. The fantasy I lived in by denying my compulsive gambling addiction was absolutely horrible and now the reality I live in by working my recovery to this insidious addiction is absolutely wonderful.

Speaking about fantasy and reality there was a story about John Daly the professional golfer who wrote an autobiography which is due out next Monday. His last chapter is dedicated to his compulsive gambling behavior and how it is going to ruin his life. I hope Mr. Daly finds a GA meeting or something that will help him arrest his demons because he will be correct it will ruin his life. However; if he does find recovery he will save his life and it will be so much better than it ever was. Hopefully, he will find recovery and will chronicle that recovery in a sequel for all to read.