41 Years Old

Forty-one years old today at 5:16 am in Rahway, NJ. There is a long story associated with my birth, but I will give the shortened version. The day after I was born there was a bomb scare at the hospital and the entire hospital (with the exception of the critical who were brought down to the first floor) had to be evacuated. My mother and I were sent home less than 24 hours after I was born. It appears I was trouble from the very start.

Fast forward 41 years and here I am at North Kern State Prison starting my first year of a four-year term for embezzling from my employer. I certainly never envisioned spending a birthday in a place like this some 3000 miles away from my wife and children. Barring any unforeseen circumstances, I should hopefully be out in half of that time and will only spend one more birthday here.

Unfortunately, here at the center we are not allowed to make telephone calls. This is the first time that I can remember where I didn’t personally speak to any members of my family on my birthday. I do remember when I was 18 years old leaving for the airport very early in the morning to catch a plane to Las Vegas to meet my two very dear friends. These friends were meeting me there so that they could take me to Los Angeles where I would start my first semester at USC. At least I did see my mother and girlfriend – my wife – because they took me to the airport.

There was one other time in my 41 years where I was away from my family. I had started my first and only year with the accounting firm of Deloitte, Haskins, and Sells and I had to attend a weeklong seminar in southern Connecticut. I did have access to a telephone but didn’t see any of my family on my 23rd birthday. However, I somewhat remember my birthday on that weeklong seminar. We were young and had a great time. It truly was a “party week” and the firm even included the alcohol. As it turned out my birthday was on a Wednesday and classes ended earlier that day so we partied hard! Everyone who was there found out it was my birthday and bought me drinks so I was pretty much hammered by dinner. I was mixing hard alcohol which I have never done before. I do remember drinking Wild Turkey bourbon which to this day, I cannot even smell or go near. After dinner I lead an impromptu karaoke of Harry Chapin’s Cats in the Cradle then was escorted to my room by my two friends. They undressed me, told me to throw up (which I did) and put me to bed. This was the very first time in my life I had thrown up from drinking. Since then, there were two other times, which occurred in my final six months of compulsive gambling, and they were both due to hard alcohol.

The next morning I had to be up at 7:00 am to attend a mandatory morning class. By the grace of God, I was able to make it but felt like crap until lunchtime. I did receive a very kind “talking to” by one of the managers about the night before. The ironic part of this story is that the two friends who put me to bed missed the 7:00 am class because they went partying afterward and overslept in the morning!

Here I am 41 years old sitting in a prison located in central Ca surrounded by fellow criminals. Yes, that is right, I am a criminal due to my actions and criminals such as myself get punished. Today was just like any other day over the course of the past six weeks. It marks one more day closer to me being back to my family. It also marks one of the “significant” days over the next two years. My birthday is really not that important to me, but I know my daughter was looking forward to speaking with me today but unfortunately didn’t happen. The real momentous days over the next two years are my anniversary in October, Thanksgiving, my wife’s birthday in December, which is a major occasion for her, Christmas, and my son and daughter’s birthdays in February. I don’t mean to slight anyone else. I will miss two years of these days, but it beats the alternative of missing all these dates forever. The way my compulsive gambling addiction was headed I would have been gone forever. I have been given a new lease on life and I am trying to make the best of it.

The mail usually arrives about 3:00 pm and as I have mentioned, I have started to receive some this week. As I was reading THE PACK by James A. Moore, the correction officer started calling the names of the inmates who had received mail. He called my name second and he called several more times after this. All told I received 11 pieces of mail today sent by 9 different people! The timing of receiving all this mail could not have been better (someone is definitely looking out for me, thank you) on of all days – my birthday. The three birthday cards that I received today were from my daughter, mom and dad. The card from my daughter brought tears to my eyes because inside were three sentences – “I miss you” – “I hope you are okay” – “Maybe you can right me”. Also, there were three pictures: one of my daughter, my son, and my grandmother. I haven’t seen my children in seven weeks and I can see that they’ve changed. My daughter is even more beautiful (if that’s possible) and my son has lost his first two teeth.

I opened the card and couldn’t hold back the tears. I had to reach for the toilet paper which is the closest thing to tissues as fast as I could. I was overwhelmed with emotions and wasn’t really sad. I was happier than anything else. I have a wonderful family and by receiving this card, it made me feel great! In fact, receiving all this mail which may be a record because I got quite a bit of comments, gave me a HUGE lift in spirits. It took me two hours to go through all the mail and truth be known, I would much rather read mail from my family and friends than any novel. Also, I think I am getting a little burnt out on reading novels so all this mail was a welcome relief.

I need to thank Janeen, Ken, Cheri, Marylou, Cathy and Juliana for the magnificent letters. Also, everyone was kind enough to send me blank paper so now I don’t have an excuse not to write. And I could stop grubbing for paper. I have also received envelopes and stamps – “thank you, mom and Ken”. Additionally someone has sent me stationary paper which is not allowed and was not passed on to me. Finally, it appears that any mail that was sent to Southwest County will NOT be forwarded to me; it will be sent back to the sender. I thank everyone for resending those letters. I was and I think I am on a high from all this mail because I was headed to a “woe is me birthday”. The WOE is me was quickly turned to a WOW is me and how fortunate I am to have these wonderful people in my life.

There are so many positives in my life which I need to focus on and I will get through these next two years. I will not only get through them, but I will become a better person. The one downfall is not being able to see my children for these next two years. They have grown so much in the last seven weeks and maybe there will be some way I can see them next summer. I will have to talk to my wife about this but seeing their pictures lifted my spirits so much, I can only imagine what seeing them in person would do. Of course, all this is predicated on what my next stop will be. If it is a Fire Camp that looks more like a fire station than a prison, then maybe we can work out a family visit. However, if it is an institution like this one, I don’t want to subject the children to this scary world. It is something to think about and I will worry about it later.

I guess as birthdays go, I certainly won’t forget this one. I purposely didn’t want to tell anyone because I wanted to maintain my low profile. However, by receiving all this mail and crying when I saw the first birthday card from my daughter, I was asked if I was alright. I said, “Yes” and explained that it was my birthday. I did receive a few “Happy Birthdays” from my fellow inmates which was very nice. All in all, it was just another day. But to me, it was an extra special day because of all the love in my life.