Model Prisoner

There are two items I forgot to mention. Yesterday was “razor-day”. That means it is the one day a week that we can shave with a disposable razor, unlike the county jail where I ordered and was also given a disposable razor upon arrival. Here, the correction officers control razors. We have to show our prison identification card to the officer in order to get one. When we are done with the razor, we must return it to the officer to get our ID card back. Those who do not follow this rule are written up by the officer.

In my opinion, write-ups are very bad and something I intend to stay away from as long as I am in prison. Write-ups can add more time to a sentence and can make the journey much more difficult. These can also prevent me from getting to a fire-camp which is my ultimate goal. I plan on being a “model prisoner” (if one actually exists) so I follow each rule and regulation very well.

In the county jail, some inmates broke down the disposable razor extracting the razor part and made deadly weapons. Deadly weapons in a confined space adds to my paranoia so it was good to see that they are controlled. I can deal with only shaving once a week in order to keep the deadly weapons from getting into the wrong hands. So far, from what I have seen, the security in here is much better than the county jail. This is not to say “things” don’t happen here because they do. The old saying, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way” applies and hopefully I can steer clear of this will.

Yesterday afternoon at 1:00 pm, the prison shows a full-length motion picture on TV. Yesterday’s movie was Two for the Money which is incredibly ironic because the movie is about sports betting – the reason that I am incarcerated. I had seen this movie before. I didn’t really watch the movie; I continued reading my book, but there was a great scene where Al Pacino’s character, who is a recovering compulsive gambler, attends a GA meeting. I stopped reading and watched this five-minute scene where Pacino has a three-minute soliloquy. Anyway, he has a moving point in this scene and if you are going to see it, please pay careful attention to the meaning of his speech. Whoever wrote the scene understands gambling addiction at its core level. Yes, the scene is over the top, but it is very clear to me.

I was able to finish A LIGHT ON THE VERANDA. What I found fascinating was the history of Natchez, Mississippi. I have been there before on a business stopover and found it small and somewhat run-down. I stopped off in Natchez to see the Lady luck Casino riverboat. Surprisingly, I didn’t gamble – I just wanted to see how the casino was set-up. As most of you I was in the casino business for 12 years and went to different casinos for a better understanding of the industry. I remember this casino being very small and run-down. What I didn’t notice was the history surrounding this small town. My boss at the time told me about the history of Mississippi and I did visit a few sites. I didn’t really enjoy because at the time, all I cared about was getting from point A to point B. I never stopped to “smell the roses”. Even though I wasn’t gambling at the time, I was just existing.

Being in a place like this and being in recovery makes me realize that I want to be a participant in life and want to enjoy the journey. Who cares if it takes extra time. As long as I am living and experiencing life is what matters most to me.

When I do get out of this place and I get back to my family, I will enjoy every moment because I have no idea when it will all be taken away. The next few years are not the end but the beginning of something great. This may sound like rubbish but to me it means a great deal. I don’t know what is going to happen over the next few years and I don’t know where I will be living. What I do know is that I will be back to my family and enjoy each day as if it were the last. I owe my family so much and I intend to “pay” them back by being there each step of the way.

I am sure why but I felt very depressed again right after dinner. I think it has to do with the time of finishing dinner which is the same time we as a family would finish. There is sadness that hits my brain and I really cannot explain it. The pre-season football game between the Giants and Chiefs were on TV and maybe knowing my family is 20 minutes away made me sad. I really don’t know because there are so many reminders during the day but this one hit me again as it did yesterday. I must accept and remind myself that this is a temporary situation. According to the inmates I have spoken to, the reception center is the most difficult because of the inactivity and down time. There are jobs available but they are on an as needed basis. At the next stop there are regular jobs that make the days go faster.

I received more information about the fire camps and maybe I shouldn’t put much stock in them because after all, my attorney did state I should get placed into one. I think I have outlined my attorney’s record for being correct which is not so good. I am hoping he is right about this. However, from all the reports I have received I should be eligible as long as I pass the physical and written tests. Who knows what will happen? Therefore, I must concentrate on today and all the wonderful people in my life. Please know I miss everyone so very much and time will pass soon enough.