Self-Esteem

What is self-esteem? The dictionary defines self-esteem as a confidence and satisfaction in oneself (seems simple enough!!). Encyclopedia Britannica goes further; sense of personal worth and ability that is fundamental to an individual's identity. Also, family relationships during childhood are believed to play a crucial role in its development. Parents may foster self-esteem by expressing affection and support for the child as well as by helping the child set realistic goals for achievement instead of imposing unreachable high standards. Karen Horney asserted that low self-esteem leads to the development of a personality that excessively craves approval and affection and exhibits an extreme desire for personal achievement. Do I crave approval and affection? The simple answer would be no because I do not believe I excessively crave approval. I may desire approval but my cravings were spent in another area. I also believe my parents did a very good job with the three us (my two sisters) and did not impose unreachable standards. These standards were left up to us and my standards became a bit skewed later on in life. I won't mention my sisters standards because it is not my place to take their inventory. Additionally, I do not believe I crave affection. This is a more delicate situation because my family has never been lovey dovey maybe this is why my daughter doesn't like to be hugged by her friends. (This maybe another subject at a later date!!) Before I get into trouble I am not saying my family was cold and callous. We were somewhere in the middle between the touchy feely and the cold clammy family. In summation I believe my self-esteem is very good, it is not low and it is not high. Also, I have always treated people the same way I would like to be treated; with respect and dignity so I don't believe I am a snob. My definition of a snob is someone that is unapproachable and I believe I have always been approachable.

Tomorrow is a court date, I wonder if anything will happen??? Something is supposed to happen but I thought this something was going to happen last week!! Who knows; and I am not going to get worked up over it. I do hope something positive happens because I need a jolt of positiveness in this area but again if it doesn't OH WELL!!!

I had an interview for a sales position and no, it wasn't multi-level marketing or network marketing position it was for a real company with a real product; health insurance for the small business owner. I believe I can sell any reputable product given the proper training. I am a very good listener and when I know the product I can give an excellent presentation and for the most part I am a very likeable person (not snobby!!) and this is very important in sales. Who wants to buy something from someone you dislike???? The gentleman that interviewed me was very positive about me and he will be calling me back tonight. I am a bit worried about the background check because this man stated; it is harder to become an insurance agent in California than it is to become a police officer. Well, I haven't been convicted of anything as of yet so I hope this part goes okay and they do the background check quickly. I will keep you posted.

It is day 77 and I still have no urge to gamble. Again; I will quote my mother; "seventy seven days ago I got a major wake up call", and you know she is 100% correct. I needed this wake up call because without it I would still be living in a fantasy. The fantasy is gone and now it is reality. The proper way to deal with reality when you are in recovery (and I will be for the rest of my life) is one day at time.