Skeptic

There is a skeptic in my family that has a hard time believing I am a compulsive gambler. I don't fit the profile of a compulsive gambler perfectly. I have always been there for my wife and children. I didn't go off on gambling binges and disappeared for days at time. I would always try and make my children's school functions and I do consider myself a very good father. I also consider myself a good friend and I was a very good boss. I am very compassionate to just about anyone. I was the person at my former employment where everyone would turn to because I would listen and help with whatever problem. For these reasons it is very hard for someone to believe I did what I did. There were two sides of me; the compassionate good husband and father and the person that had to have some type of action on a game. I tried to hide the addict from everyone including myself for a very long time and I was very successful until my subconscious cries for help were answered 88 days ago.

My wife and I moved to Las Vegas in 1994 because the town was very approvals and there were many opportunities. However; the main reason, I was enamored with the gaming industry. I always wanted to work in the gaming industry. When I got my first job as an Internal Auditor at Harrahs in Las Vegas I was so happy and couldn't believe I was working at an actual casino. This meant I couldn't gamble at Harrahs which was fine by me. I didn't want to gamble in Las Vegas anyway because I knew we would lose everything and I would blow my opportunity in the gaming industry. Something changed over the years. I still didn't want to gamble in Vegas while I was living there but I discovered the internet and I could wager on sports on the internet. I thought the internet was a great venue to wager on sports because you had to post up the money. This means I would have to send the money to the internet sportsbook before wagering, they didn't take credit. I had gotten into trouble when I bet on credit with local bookies so I saw sending the money as way of control because I couldn't wager with money I didn't have----this was mistake number 1. These internet sportsbooks took credit cards and that is just like betting on credit. At first I won, I actually won $3,000 and asked for a payout; however; this particular internet sportsbook refused to pay me. I was relentless and tracked down the owner in Florida (by the way this is illegal because the owner should have been somewhere offshore not in the United States) and the owner agreed to settle with me for 50 cents on the dollar and I received a check for $1500. Incidentally, this is how I met my future gambling buddy Dave because he had the same problem and somehow got to talking and I still talk to him today. He is one of the few friends I have left.

One would think after this incident I would stop betting on the internet because even if you win you may still lose. This didn't stop me. I started researching internet sportsbooks and came across websites that would recommend reputable internet sportsbooks. I became friends with one of the owners of the website that recommended internet sportsbooks and helped him enter the Hilton Handicappers Contest for Football. The Hilton Handicappers Contest is the mother of all Football pools. It costs $1500 to enter and you pick five games each week against the pointspread. The winner is usually awarded $300,000. The owner of this website sent me a check for $1500 (please keep in mind we never met in person, we spoke on the telephone and emailed regularly) and I entered his picks each week at the Las Vegas Hilton. This was 1997. Each week he would send me the picks and I would go down to the Las Vegas Hilton and made sure they were entered by 1:00 pm on Fridays. He told me I would get 10% of any winnings and of course we did not win anything. I think we finished below 50% for the season.

Now I was "in" on the internet sportsbooks and would never get stiffed again---mistake number 2. I was right I would never get stiffed again because I rarely won but I had to keep playing. I decided to hire a professional handicapper because I couldn't do it myself. I thought of it as a financial advisor---mistake number 3. My sports handicapper was one of the reputable ones; however; he turned out to have legal problems as well. He gave decent advice but I couldn't help myself from making my own picks so I still continued to lose. By the way this sports handicapper still owes me money, I am due a payment in June, I won't hold my breath. I moved on to another sports handicapper who I became friends and doesn't owe me money. He understood the discipline it took to make money handicapping sports but that didn't coincide with my compulsive behavior. He did win on his selections but I had to have more and more action which were my own picks and of course these picks lost.

Finally, I discovered something by accident in my employment that would perpetuate my secret fantasy life---Catastrophic Mistake number 4. I couldn't stop myself. Now this may be very hard to believe but I knew what I was doing was very wrong but I couldn't stop myself from doing it. Everyone does something illegal (I know that is a broad statement but it is true, how many of us have jaywalked, driven without our seatbelt, sampled something at the grocery store that wasn't a sample and didn't pay for it??) but I obliterated that line and again couldn't stop myself. Even as I was in the midst of explaining myself because I was found it I was still trying to figure out how I could still do it if they believed what I was saying. Thank goodness, the bank didn't believe me and finally I was confronted face to face and readily admitted I had a gambling problem and couldn't stop what I was doing.

I may not fit the profile of a compulsive gambler perfectly but I fit the definition of a compulsive gambler perfectly; willing to do anything often of an anti-social nature to get the next wager down, that was me. Gambling controlled me and I had visions of controlling gambling. I will never be able to control gambling. It took me years to finally realize this and it took a life changing event. I can't gamble again because it will only be worse and we all know what that is.

I want to wish my brother-in-law Doug a very Happy Birthday!!! We seem to always miss Doug's birthday but I didn't want to miss it this year. I hope you had a great day!!