Full Day

Today started out at 6:00 am. My daughter and I were attending her Brownie (part of the Girl Scouts) father/daughter bowling event at 7:00 am. It was a wonderful event where all the fathers got to take their daughters bowling for two hours and it also included a pancake breakfast. My daughter finished her school year yesterday so technically this was her first day of summer vacation. Much to my surprise before I entered the shower my daughter came into our bedroom fully dressed and ready to go at 6:00 am. I wondered who this girl was because normally I have to wake her up on school days at 7:30 am. I guess the incentive of bowling with her Dad and having pancakes made her get ready so quickly!!! We had a great time and my daughter at the ripe old age of 7 is quite a bowling. She beat one of the Dads!!! Also, she is extremely competitive in anything she does. For example, she bowled a strike and 3 spares in the first game and when she wasn't getting strikes and spares she become very upset. Competitiveness is a good thing if used properly but it can be a detriment if used improperly. I tried to calm her down but she has her own way of processing situations. I can see some conflicts coming!!!

After the bowling I went to the Saturday morning GA meeting a little late. I was debating whether or not I should go but I felt I needed to attend a meeting and I am so happy I went. There was a member with 34 years in the program and he is a stalwart in the program. He gave his therapy and as always I listened intently. He touched on the subject of forgiveness and it hit home for me. Each day is a struggle for me, not the gambling aspect but living with the fact of what I have done. I tell myself to live each day at a time and I can't change the past and I don't know what the future holds so concentrate on today. When this member spoke of forgiveness he was talking about himself. I have been so focused on achieving forgiveness from everyone that I have wronged that I forgot about myself. It is so very important I forgive myself or I cannot move on. I will be stuck in the past. I thought forgiving myself would be construed as a bad sign but I have to forgive myself or I cannot change as a person. So here it goes; I know what I did to myself and my family is the most horrible thing I could do but I DID it. The key word is DID. It is over and I cannot change history. I forgive myself for these horrible deeds and this will make me a better person.

Now I thought my next sentence is a cop out but to truly forgive myself I must make this statement. I did the things I did because I was compelled by an uncontrollable desire to place my next bet. This is not the person I am this was an addiction (some call it a disease) taking over my mind. I could not control this addiction and it cost me dearly. I forgive myself and I am taking the necessary steps to ensure this addiction doesn't rear its ugly head again. There it is and now I can move on.

This evening we attended a farewell barbecue to one of our beloved GA members. He is moving to Wisconsin to be near his family. He has the desire to be the father he couldn't be when he was gambling. This member is charming, has a wonderful sense of humor and best of all he understands the GA program thoroughly. It is not only attending meetings that makes the program it is becoming involved that makes the program work. I have only known him three months but we both have a great deal in common. I consider him a friend and wish him the best of everything.

Finally, I want to congratulate my niece Lisa for having the softball game of her young career. Lisa is a pitcher and has worked very hard at it with her father. All of the training paid off today. She was playing for the championship a championship (as I understand it) that not many people believed her team would get to. Nonetheless, Lisa led her time by pitching a one-hitter, striking out 12 batters and scoring two of her teams four runs. Her team won the game 4-0 and received a huge trophy which they will place with great pleasure in her school. Way to go Lisa we are so proud of you!!!