Learning

Lately everyday I learn something new. Like today I didn't know Home Depot sold televisions but evidently they do!!! Maybe some of you knew this but I didn't. I don't like talking about my Gamblers Anonymous meetings because what is said in those meetings should stay in those meetings. After all it is an anonymous fellowship. Today I must share something about a wonderfully beloved fellow GA member who is moving out of our area and won't be coming to our meetings anymore. I am sure this person will continue in GA in their new home state. Ninety-nine days ago I met this person and instantly had a bond. I will truly miss their wit, wisdom and sense of humor. I wish this person the best of everything in their new home. There are some wonderful compulsive gamblers in this world and this person is one of them.

I remember something my father told me when I was 18 years old and in trouble with a bookie. He told me to never ever forget the feeling I had when I had to tell him and my mother about the substantial gambling debt. You know what I forgot that feeling and I forgot the feeling I had when I let him down a second time 11 years later. I forgot that feeling because I never reminded myself of this feeling. This is the purpose of Gamblers Anonymous to constantly remind me of what gambling did to me and my family. I repressed both events because I thought I was smarter than the average person and could kick the gambling habit by myself. Oh how wrong I was and it lead me to where I am today.

My Dad (whom I love) is really struggling with his only son (me). He really thought I had it altogether but I fooled him like I fooled everyone else including myself. There will be no more fooling just truth and someday I will earn the trust back but I completely understand it takes a very long time. I did major damage to my and my father's relationship and I do not expect any type of forgiveness. I know he feels I should be working to support my family and it is not for lack of trying but it is very difficult. I will not make excuses I will keep on trying and someday I will write about me finally getting a job but before this happens I must continue doing the right thing which is living one day at a time.