Happy Birthday "Big Man"

Today is an exciting day for my family as my son turns 7 years old. It certainly does seem like yesterday that my wife was giving birth to him in the Las Vegas hospital. We had a head start a few months before hand as the ultra sound received showed that it would be a boy. I have heard stories about the fallibility of the ultra sounds, but they were right on for both my son and daughter. He didn’t waste any time entering this world as my wife delivered him 5 hours after entering the hospital. Compare this to the 24-hour ordeal my wife faced three years earlier when she delivered my daughter. It is funny how things turn out because my son is as easygoing as a 7 year old boy can be and rarely gives my wife difficulty. On the other hand, my daughter and wife have had their issues over the years and I believe it was no coincidence my son arrived without difficulty and my daughter was the opposite case. Anyhow my “big man” as I have aptly nicknamed him turns 7 and for the second consecutive year, I won’t be able to be there with him as he celebrates. This did bother me, but when I saw my children back in July for the first time in a year, none of it mattered to them and me as well. What mattered was we were all together and what will matter is we will all be together very shortly.

My son is a precious child and at times a very special person. I have fond memories of him climbing into bed with my wife and me during the early morning hours. He always had a smile on his face when he came into our bedroom even though he was half asleep. He would place himself between the two of us and within minutes he would be back asleep. I would just watch him and even as he slept he seemed to ooze happiness. He does light up a room whenever he enters and is just so loveable in so many ways. As I write this, I have his Christmas picture attached to the desk and in the picture he doesn’t have his natural smile, but I can still see the aura of happiness. My son for the most part does go with the flow and seems unaffected by having to move across the country for the past 19 months.

He was a bigger than average baby weighing in at 8 pounds – 9 ounces and 20 inches long. He was solid at birth and 7 years later he is still solid. He has been nicknamed “Hoover’ by his aunts and uncles because like the vacuum of the same name he seems to devour everything he puts in his mouth. I will need more jobs than just one to keep his appetite satisfied and it is a good thing my daughter doesn’t eat much because my son would eat everything given the opportunity. He is sweet, gentle, and sensitive; and I love him so much. I miss him everyday, but on days like today, I miss him even more if that is all possible. I will be able to see him very soon and I cannot wait. I have missed the 19 months of his life which given his age is a good percentage of his life. However, as long as I continue the successful path of the past 3 years, I will be able to fill-in the gaps. I believe this will happen and as has been the case, my life continues to get better with each day.

The day was the usual and now I maybe a bit on auto pilot as I finished cleaning the bathrooms almost the same time I would finish when there were the two of us working. I discovered an accelerated method which gave me more time to do the “Harvard Wall”.

The day was moving along, but I must have contracted whatever my roommate had because my head was all stuffy and my nose runny. These colds are annoying and I thought I had built up a resistance, but it appears not to be the case. I have had three colds in the last three months and all of them have started the same way in my sinuses. The fortunate part is the colds haven’t lasted very long with the longest cold staying three days with me. Other then the area above my nose I feel great and other then having a leaky nose, I would be fine. Oh well, I tried my best to take a nap this afternoon after taking one of those cold medicines. The medicine seemed to dry up my nose for about 15 minutes. I guess this is why the package reads “should last UP TO 4 hours.” It appears 15 minutes falls into this category. I wasn’t successful taking a nap because the tiniest of sounds seem to rouse me from my sleep. I would call it rest – not sleep – for an hour this afternoon.

Then I went with my roommate to play ping pong. I was in a bit of a funk for the first two games, but came up with my own brand of “aerobic” ping pong. The key is to keep your feet moving all through the game and we laughed for the next 30 minutes. We do find that whatever the two of us are doing, we are always laughing. This is so amazing how we found each other and here is a little secret the two of us share; in a prison system where the majority of inmates are here for drug offenses, neither my roommate nor I have ever had or even tried an illegal drug of any type. This certainly does not make us better than anyone else. I am just trying to illustrate how it was certainly fate that the two of us found one another. I am no longer into “odds” (thank God) but the odds are fairly astronomical that two people in this prison system who have never had the inclination to try drugs are now roommates.

The aerobic ping-pong match was over and it was time to call my family so could whish my son a happy birthday. I was able to get through which is always good. I did speak with him and wished him a Happy Birthday. He wasn’t feeling very well earlier in the day as he was running a 102 degree fever so he stayed home from school. He sounded like his usual self on the telephone – he is extremely resilient. I spent much of the time listening to him recant the Giants victory this past Sunday. His uncles are doing a great job with him because he recited the winning play without flaw. I was very impressed the way he recalled that play. It was great to speak with him and I am sure he was having a wonderful birthday.

Before I spoke with my son I did speak with my wife. She gave me some very bad news regarding my son’s first grade teacher. This past Sunday, his teacher suffered a choking incident and after her husband dislodged the particle, she fell into a coma. The details seem sketchy and she took a turn for the worst and passed away this week. My wife had just returned from the wake. Make no mistake, life is precious in every way and all anyone has is right now. The future is not guaranteed to anyone which is why the principles of the GA Program and even the “Tao” states to live one day at a time. This is such an unfortunate example of how fleeting life can be. Life is a gift and each day is a blessing. My thoughts and prayers go out to her family. I don’t know how this was conveyed to the group of first graders and I am somewhat curious to hear how the administrators approached this. I didn’t have time to ask my wife if she had said anything to our son. As I mentioned before children especially a group of 7 year olds are very resilient. I’m not sure if they are fully aware of the consequences that death brings on which can be a positive. Somewhere along the way we all lose the innocence of children which cam make life more difficult. When I think of my 7 year old son, I think of unrequited happiness. I can see him handling this tragedy very well and life will go on. I don’t want to make light of this because when anyone dies it is terrible and when it is unexpected the sadness seems to deepen. However, in every instance for those affected and even those unaffected life does go on. This brings up the full meaning of recovery and life which is to enjoy each day and of itself because this is all any of us have.

I was also able to speak with my daughter briefly and as we were speaking, she started to sob somewhat uncontrollably. I couldn’t seem to get her attention as she continued to cry. At first I thought she was sad for her brother’s teacher because my soon to be 10 year old daughter is very sensitive. Then I came to find out from my wife that my son had poked? or pinched? (not sure) My daughter does have a tendency to exaggerate certain consequences and I think this is what happened as we talked. It still doesn’t condone my son’s behavior and my wife did give him a talking to. I felt unabashedly powerless when my daughter was crying and I felt anger arise inside of me for the first time in a long time. I am very anxious to be a full-time father and hearing all of this left me wanting to be there with them. Yes, patience is a virtue and in a few months this too shall pass and we will be all back together as a family.