The "Lasts"

Here it is exactly one week from my release date, and I have finally entered the “lasts” of my incarceration. Today was the last time I would go to the dining hall for breakfast and dinner on a Wednesday. As each day ticks by, that will mark my last Thursday, Friday, Saturday, etc. Today was my last full Wednesday. When I wake up next Wednesday, I will be departing a few hours later. (That is, if I do, in fact, sleep the night before my release). The proverbial “home stretch” is upon me, and I am more than ready.

My roommate asked me if I was nervous and excited about my release next week. I am very excited about my release, but I am more anxious than nervous. There could be some nervousness because there are many things that remain unresolved such as whether my wife and and children will join me in a few months when the children finish school in New Jersey. I am not nervous about other unresolved matters because I know everything will continue to work out for the very best. I only have control over my actions not anyone else’s, and as long as I stay focused in recovery, everything will continue to be wonderful. I am extremely grateful I have a place to live, a job, and a car when I am released. These were big question marks a few months ago, but thanks to my incredible friends, I will be able to hit the ground running. I will be returning to the same area I departed over 19 months ago. It is almost serendipitous that my first evening back in the free world will be almost identical to my last evening in the free world. My wife and I had stayed at a dear friend’s house that night, and very gratefully, we will be returning to the same home.

Yesterday afternoon, I was having a difficult time concentrating. My mind was drifting to next week, and it is hard not to think about it. For all intents and purposes, my incarceration is over, and I so look forward to the next step in this journey. I talked to a friend the other night who was making plans to take me out to lunch the week after I get out. I remember when I was speaking to this friend before my sentence and him saying to me, “My goodness two years seems like a long time, and I don’t know if I will see you again.” As it turned out, I will serve 4-1/2 months less than two years, which is a very big savings, and my friend is exactly where he was 19-1/2 months ago. It seems the outside world has been spinning for the time I have been away, and come next week, I will be back on the spinning planet. Yesterday afternoon, I read a few more chapters of “The Zero Game”, but my mind wasn’t into it. Fortunately, my roommate came back earlier than normal, and we played ping pong. I am not in his league when it comes to ping pone, but I do have a good time. I think I am getting better, and who knows when the next time I will play ping pong after next week (probably the Shady Glen Retirement Center!). I have been revitalized over this period, and the free world will never look the same to me again. Sabbatical, government sponsored vacation, or whatever label I can put on it, everything has gone so much better than I planned. I took a deep breath when the judge sentenced me to two years and said, “I will do this,” and now I have.