Parole Agent Came To Camp

There are so many decidedly real advantages to being at this camp as opposed to being at a “real prison.” One of these appeared last night as a parole agent came to camp to speak with anyone interested. My roommate and I were interested, and so were 10 other inmates. The parole agent held a 90-minute Q&A session which was very informative and eye-opening to me. I sat back most of the time listening and observing. I am being released in three weeks, which ends this part of the journey, but I will be on parole most likely 13 months. Prior to coming to prison, I was introduced to a person who served five years in the California Prison System, and when we met, he was just completing parole. He did give me the “lowdown” on the prison system which certainly helped to alleviate many of my concerns. He also filled me in on the parole system. His case is eerily similar to my roommate’s case as he, too, was implicated and found guilty as part of a conspiracy. I am getting a little off point, so let me get back to the parole issue. This former roommate who was on parole said that parole was very uneventful when you do the “right thing.”

This is the message I heard last night, and I will continue to do the right thing because to me there is no other option. The parole system is not exactly geared to people like me and my roommate. We are the “square pegs” to the “round holes.” My roommate had many questions, and as the parole agent answered in the group discussion, these answers did not sit well with him. At one point, I patted him on the arm and said, “Don’t worry, it will be okay.” After the group discussion was over, we spoke with the agent on an individual basis. I gathered that each parole agent has a great deal of latitude/discretion, and each parolee is unique. The system does lend itself to grouping of the parolees because so many of them have alcohol and drug addictions. I do have a gambling addiction, but this is not easily addressed. My roommate has no addictions, which seems to complicate matters because it doesn’t fit nicely into the equation.

As I spoke with the parole agent, I raised the question about my job and if there would be and parole conditions that would prevent me from doing this job. The parole agent did mention that I should have received my conditions already since I only have three weeks to go. I haven’t received these conditions, which really isn’t surprising. Quite frankly, I don’t expect to see the conditions until I meet with the parole agent on the day of my release. There isn’t anything I can do about the conditions now as opposed to when I am released, so I have no concerns. It was a bit disconcerting to hear this parole agent say, “I may not be able to do the job I have been offered because of the nature of my crime.” The parole agent was speaking in general terms, and he is not my parole agent. My soon-to-be employer knows all about my past and is willing to hire me, which should say something. I do know that whatever is specified on my parole conditions I will abide by. For instance, if it says I cannot have a credit card, I won’t have a credit card. There are a whole list of possibilities, and I am not about to drive myself crazy thinking about these possibilities. In the words of that great philosopher, “It is what it is.” I will cross that bridge when I get there.

I did bring up the issue of being able to travel to New Jersey to see my family. The parole agent did inform me that going to New Jersey a few days after my release is not something he allows his parolees to do as he typically likes to evaluate them for 30 to 60 days upon their release,. Again, this determination is made by the parole agent on a case-by-case basis. He did say that he would most definitely allow me to attend my daughter’s First Communion at the end of April as it is beyond that 30- to 60-day period. I do know everything will continue to work out for the best, and I will have answers to these questions very shortly.

The meeting was, indeed, informative, and it appears (according to the parole agent) that the 6-month parole issue has been dropped. There had been talk about reducing parole for nonviolent offenders (which is me); however, any discussion on this has stopped. As it appears, as long as I can continue to do the “right thing,” I will be off parole in 13 months. Oh yes, the “right thing” I will do, and any question I may have, you can better believe I will call my parole agent and ask. My goal when I came into prison was to be a “model” inmate, and for the most part, this has worked out that way. Now as I approach parole, I intend to be the “model” parolee. The days of my taking shortcuts are long gone all thanks to recovery.

After the meeting, my roommate and I returned to our room where we discussed the meeting. My roommate paroles on September 1st and does have a lot of unknowns. I feel for him so much. He has the right attitude, and I do believe things will come together as the time approaches. I am very blessed to be able to go right into a job, have a place to live, and also to have a car. All of this has been made possible by my very dear friends. Life continues to get better with each passing day, and I know things will work out for my roommate.

Earlier in the evening, I received three pieces of mail. One was a “Congratulations” card from a very dear friend, and the caption read, “You have a lot to celebrate.” I do have so much to celebrate in so many different aspects. The other two pieces were from my dear sister. One I was not allowed to mention as my sister pleaded for me not to mention it, so I won’t. The other was a very nice letter which is most likely my sister’s last letter. She touched on a subject I have been thinking a lot about, and as my sister can, she put it perfectly; to paraphrase, “What I did was wrong – what happened to my wife and kids as a result of what I did, stinks – but you can’t change it now.” Now, the critical sentence, “Feeling badly and letting things happen instead of asserting your (which is me) opinion won’t help in the long run.” My sister doesn’t want me feeling badly any longer, and she is right! I have been purposefully silent because of what I did, but at some point, I must get past this or I will go backwards. No matter what, I am who I am, and if people want to hold what I did over my head for the rest of my life, so be it. These aren’t the people I want in my life. The “magic eraser” doesn’t work, and I have to be true to myself. Enough said, and as always, thank you so much for the wisdom little sister!

Bedtime was much later than usual due to the parole agent meeting, so the early morning came quicker than usual. My back is feeling better, but this bed and pillow is not exactly conducive to good posture. The area seems aggravated when I sleep, most likely due to the non-orthopedic pillow and mattress. Anyhow, I was feeling up to working out this morning, so I rejoined my morning exercise routine with my roommate. I did take it easier than usual, and fortunately, the back felt very good all through the workout. It was good to be back after two days of taking off. From this point on, it was a very normal day. My cleaning abilities have gotten faster, most likely due to the fact I only have three weeks remaining, and I wanted to hike the hill before lunchtime. I was able to get in over an hour’s worth of hiking on the hill before lunchtime. It felt exceedingly good to bound up and down the hill. The afternoon was filled with writing.