Serious Consequences

I had every intention to devote this passage to the fact that it is finally February and I can say, “I get out this month.” However I need to talk about a letter I received last night. This was from someone who has been directly affected with the serious consequences of a compulsive gambler. This was an 8 page letter written by someone who has been reading this blog over the past few months. This is the first letter I have received from a reader of the blog that I have never met before. This was a very heartfelt letter and was very complimentary towards my recovery. This person is a spouse of a compulsive gambler who has wreaked not only financial havoc but emotional havoc over the course of their marriage. I had to stop reading the letter in a few instances because the story was so sad. Unfortunately, this compulsive gambler is still in denial and is still gambling their life away.

I can’t precisely recall the statistic, but I believe compulsive gamblers directly affect the lives of six other people and in this letter the lives of three people have been severely damaged. Denial in this and I guess any addiction - look at two glaring examples – Amy Winehouse and Brittany Spears – addiction runs deep and the harm is horrendous. The story is heartbreaking. I fully intend on answering this letter with my experiences. I am not in a position to render advice to someone who has been directly affected by a compulsive gambler. I am the compulsive gambler who has directly affected others but thankfully I am in recovery. I know what has turned my life around which is stepping into that GA room almost 3 years ago. I continue to learn so much about myself and I realize each day is a learning experience.

There was so much anger in this letter towards the compulsive gambler spouse and I cannot blame the person for this anger. When one person takes away another’s way of life then anger will and does arise. Letting go and letting God is a key phrase I have learned over these past three years. In some cases, this is easier said then done. Also, especially in this case when one person has been so wronged by another person letting go and letting God is difficult. I am still blaming myself and I know I need to let go and let God. I believe I am afraid to do this because I feel I may slip back into my old ways. This is just a convenient excuse and as long as I adhere to the principles of recovery there will be no slip, and life will continue to improve. How can I possibly instruct someone to let go of the anger but really this is the only way (for me) to grow in a positive direction.

Dr. Wayne Dyer has been a huge influence in my life as his books put everything into perspective. Anger is a negative emotion and can only attract negative thoughts. At some point, life needs to move forward in a positive manner. I believe we are all created in kindness with kindness. As we move through this human experience (as I also believe we are all spiritual beings having a human experience) that kindness gets warped especially in cases of addiction. I am not inferring to just turn the other cheek because that really takes a special person like the Dalai Lama or Dr Dyer. However, turning the other cheek while moving forward in a positive manner can work wonders.

I know all of this has happened to me for a reason. I may not necessarily know the precise reason but I do know all of this continues to save my life. I was headed for the ultimate self-destruction had the events of the last three years not happened. I am grateful for the reawakening and look forward to the bright beautiful new beginning which commences later this month.

Compulsive gambling is sometimes a tragic addiction causing numerous consequences to not only the compulsive gambler, but also those closest to the compulsive gambler. I’m not a big bible quoting person so I can’t reach into scriptures for the appropriate lines. I do try to apply common sense to most situations and to me forgiveness comes to mind. I am well aware that I need work in the forgiveness field as it relates to myself. Just because I forgive myself doesn’t mean I will forget. I really screwed up, but amazingly everything continues to workout for the best. In a few weeks I will be released and embark on a beautiful journey. There are questions which remain unanswered such as will my wife and children rejoin me when the children complete school in June. I love my family with all my being and do want them with me as soon as possible. If for some reason this is not the plan then I must stay true to my recovery which means letting go and letting God. The script has been written well in advance and I will follow the directions. Life does happen when you are making plans and my life is truly wonderful.

I may have gotten a bit off track but the letter I received last night really hit home with me. Compulsive gambling is a baffling insidious disease which knows no bounds. Denial prevents recovery and in true recovery – life does get better. I believe everyone whether they have addictions or not can benefit from a recovery program and a spiritually based program. I tried for so long to control my addiction and for that matter – my life. It lead to an out of control life. I realize now there were some things I can control such as my thoughts and actions, wile there are so many other things I cannot control like the thoughts and actions of everyone else. I continue to be granted the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can. There is a quote which is posted adjacent to my bed “Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, love is knowing I am everything and between the two my life moves.” I am a blessed, grateful and fortunate person in anyway imaginable. Bad things do happen in life, but I prefer to focus on the good things which is why my life is wonderful.