Still Sore

It wasn’t the most comfortable sleep I have had last night. I have come to realize I sleep best on my side and when I don’t sleep on my side, I sleep on my back which causes me to snore. I rarely sleep on my stomach and with the pulled or pinched nerve in my upper back this may have been the best way to go. Instead I slept on my side trying to figure out which side took the most pressure off the upper left side of my back. Oddly enough laying flat on my back caused the most discomfort as I could certainly feel something as I moved my neck. I settled on the right side then on the left side – each side seemed to take away some of the discomfort, but the soreness was indeed noticeable. It was more noticeable than any other time during the day. The time arrived for my normal exercise time and I never entertained the idea of exercising. I remained in bed and out of a courtesy to my roommate, he also remained in his bed foregoing the normal workout.

This feeling in my upper back is strange because it feels sorer than anything else. I wouldn’t deem this feeling as pain as it is more of a soreness. I obviously did something during that exercise and need to do my best not to aggravate the condition. The hot shower seemed to work well, but the water temperature is automatically regulated and I would have liked it if the water was hotter. In only 23 days, I will be able to regulate the temperature of hot water so for now I understand my situation. I was preparing for a visit from some more dear friends. The weather was very much like last Sunday as the rain was falling down. It appears Southern California is returning to a normal rainy season as the drought conditions lessen. Since it was raining all the visits were moved to the dining hall which was a positive. I was so cold yesterday I thought having the visits in the dining hall would have been a better idea.


Beautiful Dear Friends

The weather did delay my dear friends, but only for a few minutes. These are the same friends who visited me over a year ago in Jamestown and today would be their last joint visit. This was a positive prospect because the next time I will see them will most likely be at the GA birthday celebration for two friends and myself on March 15th. The date keeps getting moved up and I think has settled on the 15th of March. Yes, it has been a long strange road which is quickly coming to a close. These visits have meant the world to me and today was incredible. Of course, they came well stocked with food as today’s theme was Super Bowl food. I loved the concept of my dear friend’s idea of Super Bowl food which was smoked salmon, blue tortilla chips, salsa, dip, peanuts, hot cocoa, and the special diet Hansen’s sodas. We greeted each other with warm hugs and kisses. We were joined by my roommate which was very nice. My dear friends were impressed with his gregarious personality. My roommate and I thoroughly enjoyed the smoked salmon and we had a lovely conversation. All the facets of my world were coming together during this visit as my roommate (who has been a blessing to me) spent time with my dear friends and me (who have also been a blessing to me). It was a magnificent morning as the time passed so quickly. I am very fortunate for all the people in my life and I am also so grateful.

Earlier today I was telling my roommate how these dear friends visited me in Jamestown and he asked me how I met them. I explained it was through GA and he said, “I need to join a 12 step program.” Yes, he meant this in a joking way, but the truth is the GA Program is a Godsend in my life as these two dear friends are also Godsends. As they walked out, I had a big smile and a warm feeling all across my being. I continue to be touched by these fantastic people. Mere words don’t do these incredible people justice. I am in awe of them. The visit ended and it was time to wait for Super Bowl XLII. The Super Bowl and I are always the same age and thanks to the genius marketing ability of the NFL, I always know my age in Roman Numerals!


Amateur Hour

I was informed over 20 years ago by a therapist that no matter how long I abstain from gambling the old pangs/urges would reappear on days such as the Super Bowl. I remember that conversation like it was yesterday. Of course, I remember little else of that session as I went back to gambling a few years later. I am more cognizant of this then ever before. However, even in my gambling days I treated the Super Bowl as amateur hour. It wasn’t the Super Bowl where I would place the majority of my wagers on – it was the seemingly insignificant college basketball game between Santa Clara and St Mary’s that I would focus on. I did (in my sick twisted mind) to “professionalize” my gambling and the Super Bowl provided “no value” to wagering. This didn’t stop me from wagering on the game and I would rationalize it as recreational gambling. The simple fact is gambling in my life has caused so much harm and I cannot be a “recreational” or a “professional” user. It has taken me a long time to learn this and I remind myself daily. I will watch the Super Bowl as a fan of both teams. My son is back in NJ rooting for the NY Giants with his uncles. I am hoping for a competitive game and viewing it solely from an entertainment prospective. I will also keep my eye on the commercials. This is my last Super Bowl of my incarceration and I look forward to sharing many more with my family. This is only possible if I adhere to the principles of my recovery. I have found a beautiful new life without gambling and will live this life one day at a time. I am fortunate to have only spent two Super Bowls “inside” and for this I am very fortunate.