Pondering Unconditional Love

The highlight of my day yesterday came when I telephone my mother, and we talked for that lightning fast period of 15 minutes. Normally, I call my mother on the weekend, but this weekend I was remiss. I was scheduled to telephone her on Monday night, but the meeting with the parole agent conflicted with my scheduled telephone call. I was very fortunate to be able to call last night. It is always wonderful speaking with my mother, and now I have only three more of the exorbitant collect telephone calls remaining. It most assuredly was the highlight of my day.

Prior to the telephone call, I received a letter which caused me to ponder the meaning and existence of unconditional love. I have never really given this much thought until the events of the last three years happened. I have a much better understanding of what unconditional love means and how I have become incredibly affected by this. The definition of unconditional love is fairly simple; to show love without condition. However, in practice, it gets a little more complicated, or does it? I have unconditional love for my wife, children, and other family members along with some very dear friends. I have received an abundance of unconditional love from a variety of people not limited to family or friends. I have been, and continue to be, blessed with this love each day. On the flip side, I have been made aware of conditional love from a variety of people not limited to family or friends. I am very grateful that the number of people who have given me unconditional love far outnumbers the people who exhibit conditional love. It is not in my nature to avenge those people who seem to display conditional love to me, which is why I love without condition. We are all God’s creatures (if I may?) and are made up of goodness through and through. The human part of this experience makes each one of us fallible while the spirit in each of us makes us infallible. I choose to focus on the spirit, not the human conditions. It is a shame how some people put conditions on their love, and I believe these people are missing the big picture.

All through this journey, I have received so much support and love. Yes, most of this has been of the unconditional variety. I continue to learn valuable lessons, and unconditional love is certainly one of them. The unconditional love in my life has always been there, and it took this journey to finally understand. There will always be people who display conditional love, and for me, that quote I keep on learning, “What you think of me is none of my business,” is appropriate. I am so grateful for this journey as it truly is a bright new awakening.

I have had a great deal of time to think/ponder in these past 19 months, and I often thought how I would react if my son or daughter faced something similar. I think my first reaction would be of their wellbeing, and I would be there every step of the way. There have been some rather heinous crimes committed by sociopathic people, yet it seems their mothers stand by them to the end. This is unconditional love to the nth degree. I often found myself wondering how anyone could stand by someone so gruesome, but it all goes back to unconditional love. Often in life, society sets conditions on just about everything, and I can see it in the advertising of just about everything. You need to “fill in the blank” to be happy, which is a condition on happiness, and it is sad. I fell prey to the “whatever” you need, and the truth of the matter is I don’t need those material things to be happy because I choose to “be.” I can look out my window and stare at the hill with nature at work. As I look, I can’t help but smile. I once put so many conditions on myself that it led to disaster. As long as I can “be,” I am happy, and this is all part of recovery. Everything and every person have a place in this world, and it would only be my “ego” that would place conditions on anyone or anything. I am at peace with myself.

Today being Wednesday marked “hump day” of the week, and it was just like the two previous days. I was back outside for the early morning workout with my roommate. The area of my back feels very good, and although I was never really in any pain or discomfort, that feeling has subsided considerably. The issue occurred on Saturday where I was doing an exercise I have done 1,000 times before. I guess the area in my back was slightly out of line, causing the sensation. I did take off two consecutive days which seemed to help. I will take this as a sign, and I was able to listen. The rest of the day was the usual, and I even went for a fast run at lunchtime. One of the other inmates who is in extraordinarily good shape used me as a pacer as we ran. This inmate is 10 years younger than me, and we ran very fast for 10 laps. He thanked me for going at the quick pace and stopped. I kept going for a few more laps, and this session felt excellent. I haven’t had someone push me like this in a long time. I really accelerated my heart rate and got a great sweat. It was a great way to pass the lunch hour.