So Long January!

First off – Happy Birthday to my mother-in-law in NJ. (Did I need to specify NJ? It’s not as if I have more than one mother-in-law! If I did then I would be in even bigger trouble.) The family celebrated her birthday this past weekend at my brother-in-law’s house. I hope my mother-in-law had a wonderful day and thank you so much for all that she has done for our family.

Secondly, I am very glad to say so long to January! Here it is finally the last day of January and I am happy to turn the page on the calendar for a variety of reasons. First and foremost my release date is one day closer which is very prevalent in my mind. I might be a little too fixated on February 27th and yes, it is approaching but I need not get ahead of myself. I am still counting down the days and once the calendar officially reads “February”, my anticipation level will most likely rise. It is a one-day at a time process and I need to remind myself of this. The days will pass and the end of this part of the journey will be here as will the beginning of the next journey.

Life is certainly a journey and thankfully I continue to learn how to embrace this journey. I am embracing it and will fall head over heels as the next part of the journey transpires. It is less than 4 weeks which is such a wonderful thought. Speaking of wonderful thoughts earlier this week I received a letter from my very dear friend who is also my GA sponsor. In his letter he asks when is the last date that he should send me a letter. This is a wonderful thought because this means I will no longer reside at this address, as I would have moved on. I liked this prospect and told him the date of February 16th as the last date to send me a letter. A thought just popped into my head in regard to how the world in here moves at a slower pace than out there. This thought lends itself to my major form of communication which is sending and receiving letters through the regular mail delivery system. The outside world has become “instant” when it comes to communications in so many different forms of media. These forms are cell phones, text messaging, email and all other forms of media that I have forgotten. In my current world I can make a collect telephone call which costs over a dollar a minute or write letters. I do have my weekly telephone calls but for the most part I write letters. This cycle of sending and delivering can take from 10 days to over a month depending on the responses. My point being even outside communications are slowed down to a half. Once again I need to keep all of this in mind as I remember the world of “instants.” I am sure getting caught up but living slowly is much better than racing through life. I have enjoyed this journey and now I will enjoy every moment of the free world. This is a new perspective for me and I am grateful.

The usualness continues for me as the das pass. Yesterday evening was another dose of beans and salad for dinner. I continue to be bewildered at some of my fellow inmates who seem to complain about the food. I have no right to complain about the food because it is my choice to continue the restrictive diet. I am grateful for whatever food I receive and yes; it has worked out for the very best. Yet there are others who seem never to be satisfied. The bottom line is this – it is still prison no matter how it is dressed up. This is called a “camp” but make no mistake no one is here on a weekend pass. We have all either committed crimes or have been found guilty by the courts so we have been separated from the “free society”. I am fortunate to be here at this camp because it is the best place to serve time in the CDC, I am not subjected to the gun towers, razor wires, block walls, locks, and all other assorted things that go with the real prisons. I am in a serene setting, but I must remain here until February 27th.

I was speaking with someone over the weekend and I was telling that person the biggest punishment for me has been the separation from my family. It is sometimes heart breaking to see the little children of fellow inmates who come to visit. There was an example of this over the weekend as two very young children (much younger than my own children) were visiting with their very young father. This is so difficult to reconcile but my focus is on the present. Through recovery, the present is wonderful and my life continues to get better with each day passing.

I will miss the companionship of my roommate and working out with him as I move to the next part of my journey. I am blessed and if I could have scripted this, I could not have come up with a better script!