Five More Saturdays

There are only five more Saturdays until I get to be with my family. Yes, I have counted the Saturdays and there is significance to Saturday and my family. My children are at the age where Saturday is the day they take part in whatever activity is happening that particular time of year. Yesterday back in New Jersey they had soccer games and interestingly enough my wife is the coach of my daughter’s soccer team. My wife probably knows less about soccer then I do and I don’t know much about soccer other then the fact that the ball can only be kicked by most players and the goalie is allowed to use their hands. My knowledge base of soccer begins and ends there and I am fairly certain this is also the case for my wife. However; God bless my wife; my daughter’s team needed a coach and my wife volunteered her services.

I have written in the past as to how wonderful my wife is and this is another example of her greatest attribute which is giving. My wife is a “giver” and she certainly has given me a great deal and continues to give to the children. I also must say my wife is a bit more passionate when it comes to the children’s sport activities then me. I remember watching my wife during one of our children’s soccer games and she was very much into the game judging by her body language and facial expression. I can only imagine what is like for her to coach my daughter’s soccer game.

I was given a report on the soccer games and my daughter’s team (the one my wife coach’s) is still winless and my son did score a goal (he seems to score at least one goal each week) had lost their match as well. My daughter is quite the competitor and I’m not sure how she is taking the fact that her team has yet to win a game. There could be some “family” stress happening at least subconsciously as the season progresses. No matter my wife is doing an outstanding job providing normalcy to our children and in five more Saturdays I get to participate in whatever activity transpires on each Saturday thereafter. I certainly can’t wait for the time to elapse and we will be altogether once again.

My Saturday was not nearly as filled as my wife and children’s Saturday. I worked out, went to the GA meeting and talked on the telephone all afternoon long. I figured it was a great day to catch up on my telephone calls. I spoke to a few family members and a few friends. I am blessed to have access to some of the most outstanding people I have ever met. These are always great telephone conversations and my weekly letter from my sponsor has been replaced by this weekly telephone conversation.

This is a much better form of communication and hopefully my sponsor can understand me better then trying to decipher my handwriting in those letters!!! I must say it is so nice to sit at a keyboard and type as opposed to the pen and paper method I utilized for 19 ½ months. I have yet to handwrite a letter or much of anything else; my main method is through the keyboard which is so much better and those of you that have witnessed my handwriting you certainly understand what I am saying!!

I came into the office for a few hours last night to do some of that typing and it is kind of nice coming to the office when no one is there. I have no issue with being alone and during my incarceration it can be a lonely existence; however; I was rarely alone so I have come to appreciate these time when I am alone. I come to appreciate so much more in these past three months. Yes, I am approaching the three month mark since my release and time does move swiftly.

I also tidy up the housing situation yesterday afternoon and there weren’t any glitches in the plan. Everything is all coming together and the key for me is I have not forced anything. In years past I had a tendency to force things to suit my needs and not the needs of others. Through recovery I have come to learn this is one of my character defects and it is so much better letting go while trusting everything will work out for the very best. Everything does work out for the very best and that dark tunnel is now in the past.

We did reconvene the viewing of the “Suze Orman Show” and “Deal or No Deal” yesterday evening but we were minus one of the regular viewers. That was the extent of my Saturday evening until my good friend came home and we had one of our late night discussions. I was up way past my regular bedtime but as the conversation progressed I was not at all tired. This was a great conversation because the two of us are a great deal alike.

We share many of the same traits and when we speak to one another I always feel we are on the same wavelength. The conversation came around to “manipulation” and yes, right, wrong or indifferent I would consider myself someone who is more of a manipulator as opposed to being manipulated. I may have done this purposely in the past for less then honorable results but as I progress in recovery I still see myself manipulating but I think a better word is “facilitating”. In the past I have been blessed with a great career and yes, I threw that all away to gamble like an idiot but there was some good I did and I did work with some very good people. Maybe manipulator is a bit too harsh and I would consider myself now a facilitator or this is just another justification???

This morning was supposed to be my last long prior to the marathon in two weeks; however; my shins were very tight this morning as I got out of bed. I made my way to the gym pondering what I should do and when I arrived I made a decision to do the hardest workout I have ever performed on the exercise cycle. I have always thought the exercise cycle provides a much better aerobic workout then running and there is less (virtually none) wear and tear on my legs. I got on the cycle and peddled for over 2 ½ hours.

I learned my lesson from last week so I placed paper towels all along the exercise cycle so I wouldn’t formulate a lake. This worked very well and I had an outstanding workout. I was beat beyond anything I have done to this point. I wanted to make 3 hours but my mind along with my body just shut down. I trained extremely hard this morning and I felt like I had run a marathon. That is correct I peddled so hard my legs were still shaking an hour after the workout and I was a mess when I completed the workout. I went through two tee shirts during the session and even my running shoes were soaked when I was done.

I don’t know where I stand in terms of running fitness because there won’t be any more long runs prior to the marathon. I was contemplating whether or not I should run in the marathon due to the cost. I still haven’t registered for the marathon and there was a point this morning that I was willing to forego the marathon and run in a half marathon in August. I do enjoy the half marathons much better the then marathons because 13.1 miles is a perfect distance. The wear and tear on my body is minimized as opposed to the 26.2 mile runs and at least my family will be able to attend that run. I am still in between whether or not I will register for the marathon because I do need a new pair of running shoes and I need to practice fiscal responsibility.

I haven’t been the best at practicing fiscal responsibility in my lifetime which is another character defects. I have to think things through now and with the upcoming “vacation across America” I need funds for this trip. Between the running shoes and the cost of the marathon registration we can drive from Washington D.C. to Chicago so do I really need to run in the marathon? I need to answer this question and I need to answer it in the next few days. I will think about and will render my decision accordingly.