Very Sad Consequences

I have discussed the HALT method before and for some reason it just popped into my head so I’m not sure where this is all going!! The HALT method in recovery or just battling an addiction (hopefully both?) is never get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired because this is when the addiction takes hold. I remember the first time I heard this and it all makes perfect sense. I do try to apply it to me but really the only one that applies is tired. I never seem to be too hungry and I am rarely angry. In fact; I can’t remember the last time I was angry. I guess I can get lonely but my sights are set on July when my family returns and I find truly focusing one day at time helps tremendously.

I do find myself getting tired but not too often. Today I awoke much earlier then normal because I needed to complete my workout at a specific time so I gave myself plenty of time. I woke up the time I used to wake up when I was in prison and yes, I still don’t need an alarm clock. I do have an alarm clock in my room but I think I have set it once n the time I have been there. It is a rarity for me to oversleep since I am such a light sleeper.

I seem to have an internal clock which wakes me up whenever I need to get up and this was the case this morning. However; my internal clock may have been a little ahead like in another time zone because I was awake well in advance of the time I needed to be awake. Anyhow this provided me enough time for a very good workout and I was able to get back to where I needed by the specified time. Since I got up early I did find myself a bit sleepy this afternoon but for some reason the HALT method came to mind.

I still have no desire to gamble whatsoever which is very positive. I see the new members who come into GA battling their demons and I am so very happy to have moved on from this stage. This is not to say that old gambling compulsion won’t resurface. I fully understand my compulsive gambling addiction has been arrested and as long as I continue to work my recovery there will never be a release date for my compulsive gambling addiction. I like to think I have sentenced my compulsive gambling addiction to a life sentence without the possibility of parole but this life sentence is served just like everything else; one day at a time.

Last night was the Monday evening GA speaker’s meeting and these are very impressive meetings. I have yet to witness a speaker who I didn’t identify with and I most certainly identified with the speaker last night. The beauty of the GA Program is people can have different social, economic and educational backgrounds yet we share the same addiction. Our gambling types may have been different but there was no difference in the compulsion which drove us to do insane things. My level of insanity may seem to have been more so then most other compulsive gamblers but the results are the same. I do enjoy listening to these speakers because it grounds me solidly in recovery. I made one of the best decisions in my life over three years ago when I walked into that GA meeting. I am blessed by this program in my life.

I doubt the majority of the population would understand these stories that are told in the GA meetings but I certainly understand. I keep circling back to the GA member who called me when I was just 18 years old when I first got into trouble with gambling. I remember bits and pieces of that conversation but all of those things he told me came to fruition because I turned my back on the program. I was so scared and partly too egotistical to go into a GA meeting back then. However; it all comes down to the fact that I had to learn the way I continue to learn or it was never going to take hold with me. When I was trying to figure out how to get out of what I had gotten myself into over three years ago all I could think about was once I got out of it how could I continue doing what I was doing. This is such a sick thought but that is the disease talking. Thankfully I no longer have those urges because I know the consequences. I had only heard of the consequences back then but having gone through some of those consequences a “small” bet is not worth losing my life over.

Recovery through the GA Program saves my life each and everyday. I need and want GA in my life because the alternative is awful. I so enjoy the speakers meetings because I continue to gain new insight into my recovery.

On a very sad note the person I spoke with two weeks ago who was about to be sentenced for crimes committed to feed their compulsive gambling addiction was sentenced on Friday. This person was sentenced to seven years in the New Jersey State Prison system. I have learned that the number of years a person is sentenced to is not entirely indicative of how long they will serve. I don’t know how New Jersey operates when it comes to serving sentences but if this were California this person would most likely serve 3 ½ years of that sentence before they were paroled. My sister once asked me why “don’t the courts just sentence the person to the number of years they serve” and I couldn’t answer her because the question made too much sense which may be the answer!! This was very sad to see and yet another example where compulsive gambling can take a person.