Random Happenings; I Don't Think So!!

I believe strongly that there are no coincidences in my life and yes, I understand that this is an absolute statement but I still believe it to be true. Yesterday was an example of this “no coincidences”. On Tuesday after the great birthday celebration I made tentative plans with a good friend to attend a GA meeting yesterday evening. I firmed up these plans on Wednesday so we were confirmed for the meeting. Yesterday afternoon I received a telephone call that validated the “no coincidences”. I have not attended that particular GA meeting since I was released because it is 40 miles away but I wanted to attend. I did attend and I met with two very wonderful people who are near and dear to my family. Strangely enough the last time I saw one of these wonderful people was at GA meeting as we drove across country almost two years ago. Fast forward almost those two years and here I am sitting in another GA meeting with these two wonderful people.

The GA meeting was very good and this particular meeting is always very good but it was made extra special with these two very wonderful people. They are regular attendees in the GA Program and I was grateful to be at the meeting with them. The critical component of Gamblers Anonymous is people helping people with their compulsive gambling addiction. These wonderful people were there to do just this and the very difficult part was they were trying to help someone near and dear to them. The very unfortunate part was that this person did not want any help whatsoever. The old adage of “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink” does come to mind. I can recite my story to I am blue in the face and if someone does not seek help there is no way I can help them. This was the case last night and my heart goes out to these wonderful people.

I do realize there are many people who are like I was before I came to GA. I was in some serious denial and I had to learn the way I have learned because I tried to do this by myself. Yes, I tried to quit gambling by myself but although I was successful on a temporary basis in the long run I was not at all successful. I had the tall building crash over me before I was willing to accept help and I am eternally grateful for getting this help as my life continues to improve one day at a time. I don’t know what it takes for someone to step into the GA room I only know what it took to get me there. I sure hope others don’t take this route because it doesn’t have to be as drastic as my situation.

These dear friends had a drastic situation on their hands yet the person who is near and dear to them was unwilling to accept help. I wish this person the very best and do hope they seek help. I know firsthand that my life is so much better without gambling then it has ever been with gambling. Gambling to me is pointless because it will lead me to death. Sure this is dire but it is the truth. I cannot gamble like other people and it took me 20 plus years and having handcuffs around my wrists to finally understand.

I am powerless (meaning I have no power!!) over gambling and my life became unmanageable. These two concepts went hand and hand for me; and when I finally admitted this out loud and to another person I felt a little of the burden lessen. Gambling for me was a huge burden and something I did to myself. Thankfully through recovery and most certainly through the GA Program I no longer have this burden since I do not gamble. The choice is clear and I choose not to gamble and have a better way of life.

I don’t know how to get these concepts across to another person who is firmly embedded in denial. I denied for a very long time and it earned me 19 ½ months in prison along with a separation from my wife and children. I am very fortunate that my sentence wasn’t longer and I am more fortunate that my wife and children will return in two months where we can be a family once more. I would like to shout my story from the rooftops in hopes of someone listening and hopefully seeking help. The truth of the matter as was in my case the only person that can help the compulsive gambler is the compulsive gambler. This does not mean I can’t tell my story to others; it only means the compulsive gambler has to take the first step in admitting we are powerless over gambling and our lives are unmanageable.

I wish this person the very best and there was some good things that came out of the meeting last night. The therapy was very powerful and I got to see these two wonderful people. We even had time to sit down (albeit too briefly) and talk at a local Starbucks. There is something at work in my life and I like to refer to this as a Higher Power. Everything does happen for a reason and I am eternally grateful.

I returned home late last night from the meeting and the visit with these two wonderful people. I spent a few minutes speaking with my dear friend and then I went off to sleep. I had my doubts about getting up early to workout since I was a bit tired but when it came time to get up I got up and went to work out. My workout was very good and although my run was much less intense then yesterday’s run I struggled more then yesterday. I do believe this is more psychological then physical because my mind was not as in tune as it was yesterday. I didn’t exactly struggle per se but I got through it nonetheless.

I had a goof off day planned as I went into the office for a few hours where I did some work. Part of my actually; my entire goof off day was centered on playing golf this afternoon. I found an inexpensive (downright cheap!!) rate for a very nice golf course in town and I asked a very good friend to join me. My friend did join me and we had a very enjoyable afternoon playing golf. The last time I played this particular golf course was the day after I was notified by the bank that my bank account had been suspended due to “suspicious activities”. I don’t remember much of that round of golf as my mind was certainly elsewhere. My mind was in full denial mode and I was planning on how I could get out of the “potential” mess. Well the “potential” mess became a realized disaster of epic proportions for me but everything continues to work out for the best.

My round of golf today was the best round I have had since my release and I played very well. The weather was beautiful, the golf course was in great shape and I was with a very dear friend. All in all the day was perfect and it isn’t often; in fact this was the first time I didn’t lose a golf ball on this course which is really saying something as trouble seems to lurk on every hole. It was a great day through and through.