Oh That First Instinct

I have always had this habit of once I get something stuck in my brain I seem to run with it. This maybe hard to believe but I am very impulsive person. I get a snippet of something and all of the sudden I have to have that something. A good example of this was yesterday when events in a span of minutes took me back to something I heard only a few days ago. I have been extremely blessed with incredible friends and of course an incredible family. These friends have given me so much and yesterday afternoon there was a situation that emphasized this incredible giving attitude.

I have been fortunate to have a place to live, a job and an automobile ever since I was released at the end of February. Everything is going all great and yesterday afternoon one of those items was in jeopardy. In a priority list the least important item was in jeopardy yet my dear friends maintained this for a few more weeks. It was inevitable that I would have to purchase an automobile at some point and I am forever grateful for the time I have been given with access to an automobile. (Please bear with me this all coincides, I hope at some point!!)

Another dear friend will be selling their call in the upcoming months and I had heard this a few days ago. The offer was not made to me to purchase the car but I filed that information in my head and as I mentioned early it is a scenario such as this one that stays with me. When I first heard this I thought I maybe able to make that work but didn’t think anything more of it so when the situation arrived yesterday I reverted back to this initial thought. Now with that said I am doing my best to be more fiscally responsible then I have ever been in my life. Yes, my finances are not exactly in the best of order but really considering the situation things could be much worse. However; now more then ever I must be very responsible for any purchasing methods.

I would like to avoid an additional car payment (as we or I should say my wife is paying for her car) but I would also like to avoid any large payouts. I have money that I must pay back to family and friends who lent this to me in a time of great need. I also have restitution obligations I must continue to administer. I did find out something very interesting the other day in regards to this restitution and if things go the way I believe they will go my restitution obligations will be reduced significantly. Anyhow I need to prioritize my expenditures and all of this is foreign to me. I may have had this persona of having it all together at some point in the past but I was a financial wreck.

The irony of it all is that my “stealing” actually made my financial position worse. If I were a true thief or a good thief; (as if there is such a thing!!) I am fairly certain things would be different. However; my compulsive gambling behavior precluded me from thinking rationally and is the direct result of all of these consequences. I am eternally grateful since I am now in recovery and my outlook on just about everything has changed for the positive. These issues are just minor and I firmly believe heck I more then believe I know everything will work out for the best. This does not mean I won’t concern myself with these events; it just means I won’t dwell over these events.

I realize I am going off the beaten path so please forgive me!! Anyhow I need to do a better job of thinking things through and not acting on my first instinct. It was this first instinct which has gotten me into trouble all of these years. I must say that sometimes my first instinct works out as my initial reaction is sometimes on target. It is those times where I continue to revert back to that first instinct and not really listen to any other alternatives. I have found an alternative in recovery and this is so much better than that first reaction which included gambling. I guess I am learning albeit a bit slowly.

The Sunday evening GA meeting was very good and we didn’t have any new members until the meeting was just about over. The old saying goes; “you are only late for your first meeting” and this person was late in both senses. It didn’t matter whether they were late or on time what matters is coming back and participating in the Program. It is an incredible program of recovery and I for one I am very grateful I finally made it to the program no matter how long it took me. I realize some people don’t understand nor enjoy 12 step programs as everyone is different. I believe they are missing something special but I wish them the best as they recover without GA. I know for myself I couldn’t recover without GA which is why I continue to attend meetings.

The evening was complete as I made my way home where I had to do my laundry since it was yet again, Sunday. I was able to process my laundry and also shored up our living arrangements come July. It has all come together in a way I couldn’t have possibly imagined or for that matter planned. I had an idea of what I would have like to have happened but what is actually happening is exceeding my idea. I did employ the Power of Intention and I do believe this helps but when there are incredible people in your life (as there are in mine) things work out much better then expected. The latter part of June is shaping up to be a busy time. I do want everything moved prior to the arrival of my family and I don’t want my wife to participate in the move this time. There will be another time in the near future that we will have to move again so she can wait. I want to have everything arranged prior to my departure to New Jersey and it appears this will happen.

I was very tired last evening from my time on the cycle and was falling asleep while watching the Warren Buffet interview on CNBC. I did find pieces of the interview fascinating and here was one of the world’s richest men displaying an incredible amount of humility. I was very impressed with his demeanor and very engaging personality. He does appear to be a genuine person which is what I am aspiring to be. I am done with the lying, cheating, stealing and being dishonest. I am doing my best to live life with honesty, integrity and a positive sense of being. Life is so much better this way and I am enjoying every moment.

I did adhere to my scheduled day off from exercising and my body was very happy to sleep in. I woke up and even my shins were feeling much better. I bit the bullet and ordered a new pair of running shoes this morning and thankfully I shopped around and saved over 30% from the original price and the place I would normally order from. It does appear I will run in the San Diego Rock n Roll marathon in less then 2 weeks. I think it is wonderful that I can be released from prison and run a marathon all in a span of 3 months, life is great!!!!

I would like to wish a big happy birthday to my nephew who is also our Godson; HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!