Post Number 1,000!!!

Step eight in the Recovery Program of Gamblers Anonymous states; “Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all;” then Step nine states; “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” The Gamblers Anonymous Program is a Program of honesty because that is the cornerstone of my recovery. I wasn’t honest while I was out there insanely gambling and this dishonesty started with myself and went from there. I write this because yesterday my honesty may have caused some consternation for others. In Step nine the tricky part is knowing when to stop making amends in order NOT to cause injury (which is harm not necessarily relegated to physical harm as emotional harm is very real) or harm.

My sponsor has told me the story about a fellow compulsive gambler who first entered the program and was working this ninth step. This person was immersing themselves in the program but went a little too far in trying to make amends because their amends did cause harm to another person mainly their spouse. I do believe discretion is the best part of valor; however; I didn’t seem to practice this over the past week. I was asked something and I gave my honest opinion. I not only gave my honest opinion I said what I thought to be very good advice.

Someone took me up on this advice but I may have harmed another person with what I said. I can’t go into detail because that would compound the matter and I would like to keep the damage limited at best. I can say I was able to diffuse the situation by utilizing step ten in the Gamblers Anonymous Program which is “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.” I was wrong in the things I said because I didn’t take into consideration the perception of others. I am all about honesty and I am not about to temper this honesty because this has gotten me into trouble over the years; however; I will watch what I say especially when it comes to this subject.

I must admit I was a bit flabbergasted when I was “called on the carpet” for what I had said. I didn’t see anything wrong with my comments at the time but in retrospect I may have overstepped my bounds. I am in a difficult situation because as I mentioned I am all about honesty and to me there are no “half-truths”. “Half-truths” to me are just lies and lies led me to places I choose never to go back to. I guess it all goes back to the age old saying of “if you don’t have anything good to say don’t say anything.” This is difficult especially when I thought I was doing the right thing which was looking out for others. I realize I can’t save the world nor can I save another person. I must concentrate on saving myself each and everyday. I do save myself through recovery and I do enjoy assisting others but I must think through the things I say much better.

What I believe to be obvious is not obvious to others and sometimes this is a difficult concept for me to grasp. I am fairly good with numbers and I know there are many people who hate numbers. I can look at a number problem and work this out very quickly whereas others have a difficult time. By the same token I have such a difficult time with spatial matters. I need to see things in black and white where others can see these spatial matters in their head. Everyone does have their own perception and I must consider this as I offer my advice. I will not stop being honest and when people ask my opinion I will give it but I must give it with a qualifier. Thankfully the situation diffused itself rather quickly but I did learn a valuable lesson.

Last night went rather quickly and this morning I didn’t feel like getting out of bed at my usual early hour. I did something I haven’t ever done which was split up my workout. I did go to the gym but I only had time to do the weightlifting portion of my workout as I needed to get to the GA meeting this morning. We had yet another wonderful birthday (actually multiple birthdays) celebration this morning as we celebrated two members second birthdays in the program. Now that I have been in the program over three years I have been able to witness remarkable growth in many members who stick with the program. Today two of these members have shown remarkable growth. I do remember when they both came into the program and it is amazing the transformation that takes place as people really get involved with the GA Program.

It truly was a perfect example at the power of the GA Program. We had a new member this morning and unfortunately this member didn’t stay for the entire meeting because they missed some wonderful therapy. Compulsive gambling destroys people, families and almost all of those who come in contact with the compulsive gambler. However; through recovery it is very possible to rebuild that destruction into a solid foundation. This was the case this morning as one member who was celebrating their birthday had their entire family with them.

I was moved to tears when I heard their daughter say, “My Dad ROCKS!!!” as part of the sharing. This daughter was the same age as my daughter and I couldn’t help but to think about not only my daughter but my family as well.” Through the GA Program I have the opportunity to get my family back in less then two months and I loved seeing the entire family there in support of this member. Miracles continue to happen in GA and I am eternally grateful.

The awesome meeting/celebration had ended and I have to comment as to how special our members of GA are to me. These are great people who have and continue to do remarkable things for me and for the Program. I had no idea what to expect when I entered that room over three years ago and in my wildest dreams I would have never imagined as to all of the blessings in my life all thanks to these great people. I am honored and privileged to be a small part of this incredible fellowship.

These birthday celebrations do capture a “high” not only for the birthday person but for all those in attendances. I felt this “high” and was so happy to have attended the meeting/celebration. After the meeting I went back to the gym to complete part two of my workout. I needed to run nine miles just like I ran yesterday but today’s pace was much slower then yesterday.

I don’t know what it is about this particular section of my training program but I struggled much more then I did yesterday even though I was running much slower. I do understand it really comes down to a mental game. I felt some aches in my shins and normally these aches go away after the second mile but I struggled all the way up to mile 5. I even considered quitting and finishing the workout on the cycle which has minimal impact. However; I applied the principles of the GA Program to my run which was taking it one minute at a time. Before I realized it I had run all nine miles and my shins stopped hurting. There is something to be said for applying all the principles of the GA Program to all aspects of my life!!

I would be remiss to report that this is my 1,000th post. I realize that is only just a number like the number 14 but 1,000 seems like a great deal of posts. I started this blog over three years ago and I have written so many words over this period and now I am at post 1,000. I didn’t set out to write “x” number of posts I have just written one at a time over these three years. I am grateful for these 1,000 posts and I have no idea how many more posts I have in me but I will continue writing one at a time!!!