December 18th

Happy Birthday to a Very Special Person

Today my wonderful and amazing wife celebrates her birthday. As was the case last year, I will not be with her. God willing (?and the creek doesn’t rise?) this will be the last birthday we will be separated. My wife is such a very special person and I love her so very much. I have known her for over 25 years. Wow! That is a very significant portion of our lives. We met over 25 years ago on a quasi-blind date. I say quasi because my wife knew who I was but I didn’t really know her. The more I remember our very first date the more I am fairly certain I did know her before then. Reaching back into my memory bank, I do recall seeing my wife’s face inside of school. Strangely, I can still clearly remember her beautiful face. Now what could be considered a lifetime, I still have her gorgeous face etched into my mind. We have been separated for the past 17 months. Over that period of time we have only been with each other twice. I miss her tremendously. I have a little over two months remaining before my release. My wonderful wife is planning to pick me up on my release date. Then she will return to NJ as the children finish up the school year. In my ideal world I would want them to rejoin me when school is completed in June. My wife is unsure as to whether she will rejoin me or remain in NJ – thus postponing our reuniting until I complete parole.

I am currently mandated to remain in California while I serve Parole so the earliest I can rejoin my family in NJ would be March of 2009. Throughout this process, I have learned and continue to learn so many things. One of these is the fact that time does go by quickly and it is what I do with that time which counts. Once again ideally being with my wife and children is my number one priority. Unfortunately, I don’t have the option to join them in NJ when I am released. My wife has the option whether or not to rejoin me while I am on parole. I would rather not bounce the children across the country and I do believe they need consistency. If my wife makes the decision to remain in NJ while I serve parole then I will have to wait to be with them. My incredible wife has been by my side ever since I broke the awful news to her almost three years ago. There are two things my wife said that stand out in my mind. The first thing was when I told her “We will get through this together.” The second thing was on the day of sentencing, “I will wait for you.” We are getting through this and a new beginning awaits very shortly. For all intents and purposes, my wife is waiting and due to my parole conditions she may have to wait a little longer.

I guess saying that my wife and I have been through a lot could be construed as an understatement. I am doing everything in my power to ensure something remotely close to this horrible incident ever happens again. I have finally found peace of mind and can’t wait to share it with my wife. My thoughts are constantly with her and today – being her birthday – I have thought about her every minute.

I was hoping to speak with my wife today and wish her a happy birthday. I know her sentiment is that today is just another day. It is not just another day because if this day didn’t exist I would have never met my wife and my life would be empty. I tried unsuccessfully to utilize the Bail Bonds Company for the telephone call so I did place the very expensive collect call to my wife. As I called, my daughter answered and she was able to get through the machinations to connect the telephone call. I always love hearing my daughter’s voice and I swear she is wise beyond her nine years. She informed me that my wife wasn’t at home but should be home shortly. I talked at length to both my children. These are wonderful children and my wife continues to do a magnificent job raising them. My son also matures with each telephone call. As we continued to talk it became apparent that my wife wouldn’t make it home in time. My daughter was very anxious for my wife to come home as she kept peeking out the front window. I didn’t want to call back due to the expense so I told my daughter to wish my wife a happy birthday and to give her a big hug and a kiss for me. I am sure my daughter relayed this message. I didn’t have the opportunity to speak with my wife today so Happy Birthday! I love you so very much! Whatever is the case next year, I do know I will at the very least speak with my wife. The days of very expensive collect calls and being able to call on specifically designated time slots will be behind us.

My wife is special in everyway imaginable. I have missed so much in the past 17 months. I can never get this time back. I cannot dwell on the lost time and lost special days. All I can do is concentrate on today and today is a very significant day in my life. The person who is beyond special to me was born today some X number of years ago and I am forever grateful. My wife has always been a blessing and continues to be a blessing in my life and I love her with all my heart. When I proposed to my wife, I didn’t merely ask her to marry me, I asked her to spend the rest of my life with me. That was over 16 years ago and nothing has changed. Sure we have been physically separated throughout this journey, but I still feel connected to her and will always feel connected – no matter how many miles separate us.

Happy Birthday, Sweetie~ I love you!