Writing Malaise

Yesterday afternoon, I tried to contact my wife to inform her of the news regarding the denial of my transfer of parole to Las Vegas. I was unsuccessful in reaching her because that dreaded “billing block” was once again on the telephone line. The “billing block” occurs when we exceed the allotted billing amount required by the long distance carrier that provides the collect calls from here. This occurs whether or not my wife receives a bill. When the amount is reached, she can no longer receive collect calls from me until the balance is paid. I have gone on and on regarding the collect call situation which, in my mind, borders anti-trust violations since it is a monopoly. I won’t get into that again, but it is frustrating. Since I couldn’t contact my wife, I telephoned my mother last night. I was able to reach my mom, and we spoke for 30 minutes, which equals to too much money. Anyhow, I recounted the wonderful family visit with my wife, and I told her about my parole not being transferred. As always, my mother was very supportive. She did mention that our dear friends in Las Vegas would be disappointed I wouldn’t be coming to live with them. This is also disappointing to me, but everything does happen for a reason, and as my mother pointed out, I have a much better support network here in southern California than anywhere else. I am truly blessed with all the wonderful friends I continue to make through the GA program. Another positive is I will be able to attend those fantastic GA meetings I have become accustomed to. Yes, it will work out for the very best.

The telephone call with my mother was wonderful, and as I was talking with her, the thought of me being separated from my family for another 13 months occurred to me. I cannot and will not dwell on this issue as it is up to my wife if she wants to rejoin me here in southern California when the children finish school next June. I certainly don’t want to bounce the children all around the country; however, I do want to reconnect with them as soon as possible. This decision is not mine to make, and I do believe my wife will decide what works best for her. I cannot lie and say this is easy because it certainly is not. I need to let it go and trust and believe everything will be as intended.

As I wrote that last line, a thought just occurred to me. The key word is intention as in “The Power of Intention.” I do have a long way to go in order to live my daily life as Dr. Dyer prescribes. Thankfully, through recovery, I am more accepting as I have ever been which is a key concept in “The Power of Intention.” Everything does happen for a reason, and I will not fret about it. My intention was to work and live in Las Vegas; however, there is another intention, and I will go with it and see where it takes me. I can only “control” my own thoughts, and hopefully, I am getting my ego out of the way. As long as I can stay focused in recovery, my life will continue to improve.

The telephone call with my mother ended too quickly, and it was time to say our goodbyes. I hung up the telephone, went back to my room, and had a hot cup of tea along with some cold medication. My cold was taking its course, and this cold is very different than any other cold I have had. Usually, my colds start in my throat and go into my nose. This cold skipped the throat altogether and went right into my nose. Hopefully, this means the cold will be over sooner as opposed to later. I did take the cold medication, and my roommate convinced me to go into the television room to watch the show “Nip & Tuck.” I had never seen this before, but my roommate recommended it. We stayed for about 20 minutes of the hour-long program as it wasn’t a very good episode. We then returned to our room where I promptly retired to sleep as the cold medication kicked in. I slept rather uneventfully, and when it was time for me to get up to go running, I was feeling better. I did run this morning, but I only ran for 90 minutes instead of the usual two hours.

The run was over, and it was shower, breakfast, and work time. Everything was going as usual until my name was announced over the PA system. I went to the office, and it was time for the urinalysis test. The little glitch had been rectified, and as required, I must submit to the test. I have no issue with taking this test. The problem was I wasn’t ready to “go.” I needed to drink some water, and I downed 12 8-ounce glasses. I thought I was ready, but I got a large case of “stage fright.” The urinalysis must be done in the presence of another party, and it was a bit unnerving trying to go in front of someone else. Fortunately there wasn’t any pressure from the other parties, and I was allowed to “go” at my leisure. Of course once I started to “go,” I continued every 10 minutes for the entire morning! After the test, I returned to the bathrooms and my cleaning.

In the afternoon, I was able to phone my wife. I did inform her of the news that I am relegated to the state of California while on parole. My wife was disappointed for me that I won’t be able to work at the Recovery Center in Las Vegas as it does make getting on my feet a bit more difficult. I did broach the subject of what we talked about over the weekend, and her decision will still be made during the time of my release and when the children finish school in June. I brought up the fact that the children will need to be registered for school our here prior to June, and my wife seemed to understand. She did say she had a wonderful weekend, and so did I. The issue regarding when we will all be together still needs to be decided, and it will in due time. I was also able to speak with my daughter and son. I congratulated my daughter on her report card of all A’s (yes, straight A’s and the only one in her class who received this). She was very gracious and said, “Thank you.” She also told me about her Christmas concert last night where she played the clarinet and informed me she “squeaked” only once. Her next concert will be in May. She went on to say that maybe I will be able to come to her concert in May. At this point, I cannot answer her, but it is a wonderful thought. I spoke with my son who continues to mature with every telephone call. I spoke to him about his report card which contained B’s and C’s. I did not chastise him for this. I did say “good job.” He told me with prompting that the grades will get better, and I do believe him. I thoroughly enjoy speaking with my children and know in 12 week’s time that at the very least I can call them anytime and without the huge fees. I do suspect I will be able to visit with them soon after my release, and I can’t wait. I have been blessed with a magnificent family, and I am very fortunate.

The telephone call ended, and I went back to my room with the intention of writing. Instead, I was given a local newspaper which I read for a while. I did start writing, but ever since I got back from the family visit, I have been in a bit of a writing malaise. I have always been so good in responding letters; however, I have four letters which need a response. I got involved in a conversation with my roommate, and the afternoon was over. I’m not sure if I will get to these letters this evening, so if anyone is awaiting a response, please be patient. It will be sent soon.