December 2007

Evil Knievel

I was reading an article in Newsweek about the death of Evil Knievel. When I was a kid, I was a big fan of his. The article talked about his big jump over the Snake River Canyon in the Skycycle. The article made a mistake because the author stated that this event was shown on Wide World of Sports. It may have been shown but that was after the fact. The live event was only available on closed circuit television. This was well before the advent of cable television and pay per view. I remember going to a nearby town with my mother as a nine year old to watch him attempt to jump the Canyon. It was just myself and my mother and it is hard to believe that was 33 years ago. I do remember the jump very well and it wasn’t successful. The parachute on the Skycycle engaged too quickly which caused Evil to crash into the canyon. Amazingly, he walked away from the incident. I also remember having the Evil Knievel action figure with the miniature motorcycle. I would jump over other toys in our living room. As fate would have it, Mr. Knievel died of “Natural causes” at the age of 69.

I guess my mother was an Evil Knievel fan because she was the only member of my family to go to the showing. Even back then I had such a strong bond with my mother and now through so much adversity, this bond has ever gotten stronger. As I read the article, I do remember Evil Knievel quite well but what resonated with me was my mother. Yes, mom might have liked him because all my memories have my mother watching the crazy events. I most certainly do have a very special mother but I have known this all my life.

My Wife

Here it is one week removed from the arrival of my wife for our family visit. One week already and today was very much like last Friday as a rainstorm moved through. The only difference was I wasn’t waiting for my wife to arrive. I realize I have said this time and time again, but it does bear repeating; time moves so quickly. The environment I am currently in and have been in for almost the past 17 months is like a pod. I have limited distractions and I am well aware of time. I am somewhat isolated from the outside world and am certainly isolated from the world I once knew. This is not a negative, it is my current reality. Thankfully, through recovery, I have been able to accept my current environment and do continue to learn as each day passes. I continue time goes by no matter what. Time is constant – yet it is forever moving. I could stand on my head for the next 12 weeks and that time will go by no matter what. I doubt very much that I will do that because quite frankly I’m not sure if I could stand on my head for 12 seconds, let alone 12 weeks! One week ago I was with my wife and we had a wonderful weekend. It was very special and what could have been a horrible time over these past 17 months has turned out very well. The blessings in my life are boundless.

Staring at the Rain

I sat on my bed staring out at the rain through the window. The past two days have been cold and raining. This makes sense even by Southern California standards since it is December. This area most certainly needs the rain since drought conditions have been prevalent for the past 18 months. I have a wonderful view of the hill from my room and earlier this morning, I just stared out the window watching nature do its thing. This is such a peaceful exercise. I sat there until someone came into my room and said, “Stop zoning out.” I was thinking about my children and how they enjoy the rain. They have been raised in areas where rain is a rarity and I remember being with them when they would go outside and “puddle stomp!” They would run from puddle to puddle splashing away having a wonderful time. This was so simple and I can still see the joy on their faces. It is funny because I know my wife and I have spent so much money on toys for the kids at Christmas and their birthdays, yet puddle stomping seemed much more fun than any of those games.

The Tao

This brings up a point regarding my daily reading in “Living the Wisdom of the Tao”. I have started reading it over again and today’s passage was very inspiring. “Let go of your identification with your stuff and with your accomplishments.” Try instead to enjoy what you do and all that flows into your life simply for the pleasure of doing and observing the flow itself. You literally own nothing and no one; all that is will decompose, all that is yours will leave and become someone elses. So step back a bit and allow yourself to be an observer of this world form. Becoming a detached witness will put you in a state of bliss, while loosening your tight grip on all of your possessions. It is in this releasing process that you’ll gain the freedom to live out what the Tao is always teaching by example. This is such a powerful piece and it ties into my children’s puddle stomping. Children are in a constant state of bliss because this is exactly what everyone is born with. Unfortunately, over the course of time this state of bliss diminishes. Does it have to diminish? I think not because in my own view these silly material possessions screw up this state of bliss. I know for myself there was never enough and I was wanting more. When in reality, there is more than enough and all I ever wanted was right in front of me. I didn’t have to do what I did, but my ego would not be satisfied. This lack of satisfaction (or if I may – lack of bliss) had me searching for something I already had. At my birth I was born in a blissful state like any other child. I lost this bliss to no fault of anyone but my own ego. Now that I have lost all those material possessions, I have gained so much.

“Take pleasure from what you possess without being attached to these things.” I don’t need a Mercedes, 5 bedroom home with a swimming pool or a huge entertainment center to be happy. I have everything I need right now at this very moment. However, amazingly - mentally and spiritually I am in the best place I have ever been in my life. There is possibility I won’t rejoin my family until 13 months after I am released. This is not a pleasant thought for me. However, it will workout for the very best and I will maintain my state of bliss no matter what happens. The wanting more did not turn out so well and now I am very happy with what I have which is a state of bliss.