Tick Another Week Off

Really my day can be summed up in one sentence: I get out of bed when it is still dark, exercise, shower, dress, have breakfast, check-in, clean the bathrooms, have lunch, read or write, check-out, read or write, have dinner, talk, read, and go to sleep. Okay that is a long run on sentence, but that is my day Monday thru Friday. There’s a slight deviation on Saturdays and Sunday but essentially it really is the same. In between those events the days pass quickly. Here it is and I can tick off another week off as I head into the middle of November.

I was writing a letter to my mother last night and going over the many letters she sent to me this past week. As I was going over them, I was reminded of something she sent me a few weeks ago. She found a very good compulsive gambling website from England and sent me a few articles. In one of them was a story about a gentleman who is called “Ged”. The story is eerily similar to my own story. He is awaiting sentencing for crimes he committed to satisfy his compulsive gambling addiction. I read through the articles and somehow someone in the group actually did mention my story and the word “inspirational” was written about me. I don’t know about being inspirational and I was surprised to see my blog mentioned.

My mother has invoked her editor’s privilege and has summarized what I have written in hopes to drive more readers to this blog and hopefully to help at least one person. This has always been my goal when I started over 2 ½ years ago. A few people have called my blog self-indulgent. This very well may be the case because after all it centers around one person – me! It has never been my intention to be self indulgent or selfish for that matter. Writing this (as I have mentioned many times before) is one form of therapy for me and it continues to help me tremendously.

I’m not sure if Ged will read any of this, but if I can pass something I have learned over these past 16 months is to keep a journal. It doesn’t have to be published and can be something kept to yourself. I have found it more than therapeutic to write down my thoughts and also it does help to pass the time. The focus for me has been to make it through everyday in a positive and safe manner. Of course there have been “sucky days” but as the time progresses the “sucky days” disappear. Hopefully, Ged is enrolled in some type of recovery program such as Gamblers Anonymous. I have been very fortunate that I haven’t had any urges through this process but gambling is everywhere especially here in prison. The stakes may seem harmless, but I know for myself no matter what the stakes are, the wager would cause me irreparable harm. I always keep this thought in my mind which is why I may have not had any urges. Believe it or not, the days, weeks, months, and years will pass soon enough and this will be all in the past. I wish Ged the very best and I believe turning a potential negative situation into a positive is not only probable but very possible.

Today was just like most other days and we now have a good system when cleaning the bathrooms. Our two longest days of cleaning are Monday and Friday. There is something to be said of a clean bathroom and to take it a step further a clean “smelling” bathroom. When we are done, the bathrooms are clean and they do smell very fresh as well. There was a very slight negative comment made this morning, but I did let it go. It took me a few minutes, but ultimately the comment was gone. My friend and I are doing our best. The bathrooms are cleaner than I have seen in my 6 months since I arrived here. I may not be the most objective in this regard; however, the system we have is working and I am sure the negative comments will disappear.