Addictions Become Impossible

I still have fears when dealing with this “System.” Yesterday, I met with the counselor because I had a few questions regarding my parole. Before those questions were addressed, I was given a letter that was sent to the county of my crime requesting additional information. At first, I became uneasy when I saw the letter of inquiry; however, upon further review, I realized this was just a formality and should not have any bearing on my parole date. Apparently, my file is missing certain information, and this letter was sent as a follow-up. I have become a bit “gun shy” in this system because nothing seems to be easy I take noting for granted, which is why I met with the counselor yesterday. I asked the counselor a series of questions, and unfortunately, I didn’t receive any definitive responses. I was wondering where my parole plans were since I have never seen them. According to the counselor, my parole plans should have been sent to the parole office to which I was required to report. The counselor did not know which parole office I have been assigned and is supposed to notify me in a few days with the information. I need this information in advance so that, if possible, I can make travel arrangements to see my children when I am released. The counselor informed me I could do this on the day I am released when I meet with my parole officer. I am trying to be proactive and have this all planned prior to my release. Unfortunately, this system does not lend itself to being proactive as it is very reactive. I once again have to trust and believe everything will continue to work out for the best.
I have lost track as to how many times I have come away from the counselor a bit disappointed. My expectations have remained high, but I came away having not met those expectations. I know my mother would ask me whether I am sure I am definitely getting released on February 27th or could there be a delay. I firmly believe I am getting out on February 27th because all the paperwork I received yesterday stated my release date as February 27th. This paperwork included the 60-day audit, which is an audit of my sentence ensuring my released date is correct. California has some convoluted sentence, and even those employed to decipher these terms have difficulty. I have heard and seen a fellow inmate receive 11 extra months one day prior to his expected release date. This same inmate is now facing an additional 14 months as he is set to be released in 10 days. Thankfully, my sentence is not convoluted, and there aren’t any additional charges pending. I received a four-year sentence which I am required to serve 50%; however, due to the fact I have been sent to a fire camp, my sentence has been reduced by another 33%. I have gone over those figures closely which is how I came up with the four-day savings a few months ago. In all likelihood, I will walk out of here on February 27th.
The session with the counselor did not go as I had planned, but this was not unexpected. After the session, I played ping pong with my roommate who continues to pummel me every time we play. Prior to dinner, I read a little more of the “Runner’s World” magazine. Dinner was uneventful. Maybe because I have 1-1/2 months remaining, the rice and beans “feast” has run its course. Yes, I have been able to sustain myself on primarily rice and beans for the last 18 months, but I am ready for some variety. I may not be able to afford much variety when I am released, so I better get used to the rice and beans! The usual evening festivities commenced as I received three pieces of mail; a letter from my mother, father, and sponsor. Thankfully, my father sent stamps. Strangely, he didn’t send the usual compliment of 20 and instead sent 9. As fate would have it, I owe 9 stamps so now I am down to zero. Fortunately, my roommate and my friend don’t need the stamps right now, and I can wait until I receive mine. The letters were great with the exception of mother’s because it was more of a note than a letter. I need to call her this weekend to shore up the details for her visit next week. God love my mother because she sure is a uniquely special person.
Sleep came quickly, and it was once again time to start the cycle all over again. In our quest for perfect physiques (not really!), my roommate and I are reluctant to take days off from exercising so this morning we were back at it. At some point, we will need to take a day off to rest our physiques, but it wasn’t today. We had a good session, and my roommate may have pulled or pinched a muscle in his back which may mean that day off could becoming quickly. The workout was over, and it was on to the rest of my day.
Prior to going to breakfast, I read a passage from Dr. Wayne Dyer’s “Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life.” I have calculated the number of days I have remaining, which equals the number of passages remaining in the book. Today was verse 35, “Living Beyond Worldly Pleasures.” In Dr. Dyer Dyer’s comments, “Addiction becomes impossible because you no longer try to get worldly pursuits to satisfy you.” How true and how powerful this one statement is. Most all pleasures are temporary so when you are in need of more. Addictions can and will arise. This is a horrible thought process and one I knew first hand for a very long time. I was trapped by me own beliefs which put me in a box. Thankfully, that box was broken open almost three years ago, and I am beginning to understand my true self. Life is not about obtaining those worldly, inconsequential, temporary pleasures. It is not about placing that next bet. My life has a higher meaning, and all worldly pleasures exist in a permanent state through nature. I am sitting here watching nature and having pleasure observing. It is wonderful to just slow down and enjoy life as it is meant to be. All of these things have been right in front of my big nose all along, but I chose to ignore them. Yes, it is much easier in the insulated isolated place to slow down, but I am taking these lessons with me. My life does continue to improve, and as long as I have peace of mind within recovery, my life will continue on this path. Addictions can become impossible when life is lived through nature’s eyes, not mine. Everything is based in goodness, and I am seeing this goodness all the time.