Enjoy The Present

I’m not sure if there will be another time where I can do what I am currently doing. I do my very best to enjoy the present, and why not? My days are essentially the same, and what is not to like about that? Well, the simple fact I am separated from my wife and children is a large factor, and that I am a convict is another thing not to like. I do choose to focus on the positive, and last night, my roommate prepared another delicious dinner of fish in mushrooms. Also, parsnips were prepared, and they were mouth watering. As I reread those last two sentences, I can’t believe I actually wrote them. Here I sit in prison (okay, it is a fire camp thank God!), and I am eating better than a majority of the free population. I am so grateful for this experience, and as I piece things together, all those pieces fit very nicely. I remember having trepidation before I was sentenced as I face the unknown. As I sat in the county jail shortly before my sentence, I took a deep breath and said, “I will get through this a better person.”

With less than five weeks remaining on my sentence, I am getting through this, and hopefully, I have become a better person. I cannot pass objective judgment on myself, so I will leave that up to someone else. I can say it was great to be myself with my mother and dear friends this past weekend. I was wondering when I could finally be myself, and a little of this showed over the weekend. I am certainly myself with my roommate, but no matter how I slice it, we are still in prison, which lends itself to being guarded. I didn’t need to be guarded over the weekend, and it felt great. My mother even commented that I hadn’t changed. It was an off-handed comment, but I took this as a compliment because it meant I was getting back to being my true self. Slowly but surely, everything is coming all together. Last night was very nice, and we were not subjected to the roast beef (also known as roast “beast”) served in the dining hall.

The night was filled with the delicious dinner followed by conversation and some reading. I also threw in some listening to music as I borrowed the Pink Floyd CD from my friend. My roommate and I decided to finally take a morning off from our weightlifting routine. As I mentioned, I had gone nine days in a row without a day off, and my roommate had gone 17 days in a row. I was awake at the usual time but fell back to sleep for the extra 90 minutes. Sleeping later was good because my body needed it. The early mornings do provide lots of movement in the dorm, and my light sleeping habits prohibit me from sleeping through it. I ignored most of the commotion, and my body received the rest it required.

On Wednesdays, I turn my sheets into the laundry for washing. This is another one of my little time markers. I now have only four more Wednesdays where I need to turn in my sheets to the laundry. The day is approaching, and on the fifth Wednesday from this very day, I will be a free man. Someone mentioned that next Friday is February 1st and the month in which I get to go home. Home is certainly relative as I will be going to my dear friends’ house where it will be a temporary home for me. It won’t be a home with my wife and children but certainly better than my current situation. It is sort of strange because my current situation is very peaceful with hardly any demands. The demands consist of cleaning the bathrooms and arriving for the counts on time. These aren’t exactly earth-shattering demands. The peace of my life will increase precipitously upon my release, but hopefully, I can maintain the inner peace I have garnered over the past 18-plus months.

Today was a perfect example of this slow pace. I leisurely got out of bed, dressed, read a little, and went to breakfast. I didn’t shower because I would shower after I cleaned the bathrooms. After breakfast, it was time to clean the bathrooms, which I did. I get lost in thought as I clean the bathrooms, and before I knew it, both bathrooms were cleaned. I find myself thinking about inane things such as how the camp operates. Maybe sometime in the future, I will detail this but until then, I can say Jerry Seinfeld said it correctly, “bizarre world.” As I completed the bathrooms, I showered and had my obligatory peanut butter sandwich for lunch. I took the entire afternoon to finish reading “Just One Look” by Harlan Coben. This was a more recent novel published in 2005 and another very good story. I do enjoy how Mr. Coben interlaces main characters in his other novels within this novel as very minor characters. His writing style is so matter of fact, and the twists are unforeseeable. The novel did lost lose some of its steam toward the end, and it wasn’t a happy ending at all; however, all in all it was a very good novel.

So there you have it – a very peaceful day at fire camp. The early days of trepidation have passed, and now, it is all positive. I do look ahead to 34 days from now as it will be a whole new, bright, beautiful world to me. My roommate and I were talking the other day about what it will be like that first day of being released. My roommate likened it to an animal that was being returned to the wild after being held in captivity. At first, the animal is apprehensive as the cage opens but slowly gets the sense that they are not in captivity anymore and darts into the wild. I’m not so sure about darting into the wild, but I can see the apprehension. I can also see enjoying the “wild” for all that it’s worth. I am being given a second chance, and thankfully, this second chance will be with recovery. Everything in my life is truly better now that I embrace recovery.