Oh, Those Letters From The IRS

I think from this point forward I will skip the usual routine stuff and just jump all around. Yesterday at the awesome GA meeting/visit, a dear friend mentioned they had seen a “worry box” in a magazine which was very nice. My dear friend immediately thought of my wife because my wife is filled with worries. I need to back track for a moment and mention the fact that my daughter has her very own “worry box” thanks to a great idea by my sister. The principle is to store all here worries in the box and once a week or once a month purge the box, thus ridding her of worries. I called my wife again today at lunchtime because I wanted to follow up from our telephone call on Saturday. We were able to talk about certain issues for the first time since the family visit at the beginning of last month. My wife does worry and is very concerned about our financial future. I have never subscribed to the worrying theory because it causes unnecessary grief. Now in recovery, I trust and believe everything is going to continue to work out for the very best. I may not express myself very well on the telephone calls, but I do my best. I realize my wife is concerned with our financial future, but worrying about it really does no good.
I possibly believe we are headed in the right direction since I will have a job as a soon as I am released. The housing situation will work itself out, and home ownership will take some time. I have very large amounts of money I owe in restitution and taxes. Speaking of taxes, I received another package from the Internal Revenue Service. Oh, those letters from the IRS! This was just a follow-up from the last package, and the meter in the fact that the interest charges are still accumulating. The numbers contained in this package are very daunting. Conceivably, the amount of money I owe to the IRS could exceed the amount of money I stole. This truly doesn’t make sense; however, as long as the bill remains unpaid, the interest keeps accumulating. There seems to be more detail in this package than the previous one. The very nice IRS agent, or at least I thought was very nice, included a summary of things I said to her last year during our meeting. I don’t recall her taking any notes during that meeting, and there were some things that I allegedly said that surprised me. I received the distinct impressions that the humongous tax liability was just another item on the list for the IRS agent. In fact, the IRS agent told me now to worry about this tax liability and that the worst part of this ordeal (prison) was almost over. Reading this new package left me a bit surprised with the verbiage.
Do I need to worry about all of this? I guess the answer is yes and no. Obviously, I cannot take the IRS lightly, but at the same token, there is nothing I can do right now. At some point in the future, I will sit down with the IRS and negotiate a settlement/payment plan. If I were to fixate on all the wreckage I caused, I would become paralyzed with fear. I am not about to do this since I know I am moving in the right direction. As for my wife, she sees the same wreckage I caused creating so many uncertainties. I don’t know what the future holds financially, but as long as I stay committed to recovery, everything will continue on a positive path.
I was very happy to talk with my wife today, and she sounded so much better than when we spoke on Saturday. She told me she is tired of being a single parent, and I can understand where she is coming from. I dumped so much on her, and she has done her absolute best over the past 1-1/2 years. The time of her being the single parent is coming to an and, and she intimated that her decision whether or not to join me when the children finish school in June seems to be made. She has not rendered her decision as of yet, but I believe whatever the decision, it will be best for everyone involved. I’m glad my wife shared some of her feelings with me, and once again, everything is working out for the very best.
I stayed on the telephone after the phone call with my wife to call the reporter again. The tone of the interview was very good, and the reporter wanted to know more about my story. I gave her the “Cliff Notes” version the last time we spoke, and today, I went more in depth. An interesting question was posed and one I had difficulty answering. The reporter asked me why there are so many now who seem to trust me implicitly. I really didn’t have the answer as I don’t really know other than I am doing the right things, and right things are happening. We also went through other facets such as what I was feeling at the time of my out-of-control compulsive gambling and stealing. I seemed to have some sense of clarity as I look back and think how insane I was. This is the best explanation because it was pure insanity. I was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. All I kept doing was digging a bigger hole. Thankfully, I have the shovel down. In fact, I have buried the shovel, and little by little, the hole is filling up. Quite frankly, I don’t know how interesting my story is to the general population, and truly, it is what it is. I made some horrible mistakes and have paid the price; however, through recovery, my life continues to get better every single day. This part of the journey will end soon and another will commence. I look forward to the next part because, for the first time in my life, I will be at peace with myself.
The lunch hour went very quickly, and that is when the telephones are turned off. The sun was shining brilliantly, and with the temperatures in the 70’s, I thought it would be a good time for a moderate run. For some reason, I have been reluctant to run on workdays in the afternoon other than the lunch period. I didn’t have any issues, and it was a wonderful way to spend the afternoon.